Naughtiest thing you've done...

[Maxandrubyrubyandmax]

Sod the manefestos this is the thing we need to know about our potential leaders. TM trashed a farmers livelihood, jezza was so sick and depraved he can't talk about it! (Might be paraphrasing) AIBU to ask you to put naughty them both with your naughty tales. Best poster should obviously get the keys to number 10

Often had 3day+ alcohol and drug binges with my friend, once turned up to work tripping balls but amazingly nobody noticed. Had sex with now DH in the toilets of bars a few times when we first started dating. Shoplifted a few times. Gave someone a blowjob once in return for drugs. All in my late teens/early 20s, I'm much more quiet boring now although a few months ago me and my bf stole a rather large cactus out of someone's garden whilst drunk.....

Discovered OW and multiple online sex seeking profiles so managed to log in as ex on his online hook up sex profile and changed some vital details - username became his real name, his dimensions were reduced to miniscule and changed other details to make him much less alluring. Managed it while shaking and vomming so much in shock after what I had discovered - laugh about it now but was hideous at the time.

When I was 8 or 9 I stole a toy from a friend and felt so guilty when I got home that I threw it out of my bedroom window.

It landed on the flat roof just outside of the non-opening landing window for all to see and stayed there until we moved house, reminding me constantly of my criminal act. Strangely my parents never mentioned it

@OpalIridescence putting the eyes in his tea
You are the kind of petty I aspire to be

I used to change the colours around in boxed hair dyes at Boots. I used to get a kick at imagining women buying a blonde for example and ending up ginger, or buying brown and ending up with black.

Because of this I always open the dye to check the number on the box matches the one on the tube of colour, before I buy one myself.

When I was 18 I left a girly sleepover 2 hours in, to go have sex with my then bf in a field. I didn't come back. Friend was pretty pissed off.

I am bit of a tea leaf too

I had sex in a play park (at 2am!!!) and then the skate park about 100 yards further along the path.

was amazing sex

In my late teens I really fancied a bad lad I worked with. He was supposed to come round for dinner but stood me up. I had made spag bol. After waiting an hour I went to bed. Next day I pinched a big jiffy bag from work, and stuffed it full of left over spag bol and posted it to him at work.

He ripped it open and the whole lot vomited out onto his Hugo Boss suit. Yep, I was the secretary who gave out the post and watched it with relish. I still laugh about this, decades later.

I'm so boring. I've not done anything like any of this. What do you suggest I do?

@JDEE72 shoplifting seems quite popular 😏

Z

Had sex on the Ponte Vecchio

Gave a BJ in the back of a taxi

Had sex in the sea in Barbados

Had sex in the office when everyone else had left

Had sex on a little hired motor boat off the coast of Capri

Had sex on car bonnet in car park

Badly keyed ex husbands car (and pride and joy) when I discovered his affair.

All but the last one were with the same naughty man (now my fiancé) and I don't regret a thing.

inky I've done the same. Also did that when I was pregnant as we had £20 shopping budget for two weeks. By claiming as a couple we lost £40 a week in benefits.

After my bastard ex dumped me via phone call because he was too busy shagging his cadet OW he asked for his parents house keys back which he had left at mine with his Car key on. So I dutifully posted them back. Addressed to

The cunt

Hen put his parents address. With no postcode. Or stamp.

He never did get them

@plinkyplonkyappledonkey

...yeah, I'm not doing that. 😂

@plinkyplonkydappledonkey

...yeah, I'm not doing that! 😂

@Summerisdone

Only just read your very flattering comment.
Thank you very much!

I warn you though reaching my level of petty is a 24/7 commitment. You really have to live within the rage to get to where I'm at

Relieved 2 strangers in park with my mouth to completion

Grand Theft 'Peno

In the eighties, I was in the middle of cooking a jambalaya when I realised I needed a chilli. I left the pan on the stove and went to the Co-op over the road to get one. I needed only one. In fact, could afford only one.

But there was a long queue, and my saucepan was on, so I thought, "Sod it. It's only twenty pee." So I pocketed it and left.

At four-thirty in the morning my OH woke up and said, "Why are you awake? It's the middle of the night."

I said, "I can't sleep. I feel so guilty about the chilli."

In the end I had to get up, get dressed, go across the road and put 50p through the letterbox of the Co-op. Only then could I get any rest.

I'm really not cut out for a life of crime.