How many mini-tasks do you do before 8am?

[m0j1to]

Kind of following on from the "mental load" thread, I think lots of women are in the position of having effectively done the equivalent of maybe half a days work before they even leave the house "of a morning"?

This would be a typical weekday morning for me -

5.30. Get up. Feed and deal with cats / litter trays. Get showered and ready.

6.00 Iron and "de-fluff" 4 school uniforms (hazard of 3 white Persian cats ). Lay out all clothes for DC
Make sure PE kits are in bags.
Check correct homework is in bags etc.

6.30 Take DH coffee in bed and wake him up. Wake everyone up. Start making breakfast, unloading dishwasher and whatever else. Up and down stairs in the meantime for people asking where's this and where's that and general moaning.

7.00 Serve everyone breakfast - to various specifications

7.20 DS1 and DD1 leave.
Run round and make sure bathrooms ok and no underwear etc left around the place, beds made etc (particularly on days cleaner is coming). Put some laundry in. Make beds.

7.30 DH leaves. Tidy kitchen and see if I can get DD2 and 3 (twins) to do 15 mins music practice if they didn't do it the night before.
Do whatever hairstyles of the day on both.

7.55 Leave for school run.

This is NOT meant to be a moan or sound like a martyr complex because after this, my time is more or less my own until 3pm. But AIBU to think that actually most women do a multitude of such mini-tasks every morning which other members of the household are barely aware of?

You may well ask why I don't do a lot of this stuff in the evenings and I do try to, but the evenings are busy too with dinner, homework, baths and bedtimes. DS1 not in bed until 10 and I'm generally too tired by then.

Your DC are all old enough to sort out their own uniforms and school bags.

There is no reason for you to get up at 5.30 unless you actually enjoy being a martyr. Your DH is selfish but I think you've been told that on a previous thread.

You know what, this is why for me woh is the right choice. So many sahm on here are just basically treated like house elves. DH was not so great at thia when we first got together, but now, with us both woh FT and a toddler, he pulls his weight.

This morning

DH up 6.15
I lie in till 6.30! Get up, shower.
DD calling out - I get her up and shout down to DH to bring her some milk.
DH reads story while DD has milk and I get dressed.
DH legs it for the train while I get DD dressed and downstairs.
DD breakfast whilst I pack my lunch, eat own breakfast and hang out the laundry DH had put on first thing
Realise I didn't pack DD nursery bag last night, shit!!! But it is okay as DH noticed and did it.
Out the door to work and nursery!

That is a partnership of equals imo. Don't let yourseld get dumped on.

Parker - I get myself ready before 6. I'm not working (as in a paid job) but often don't come home straight after school run.

Why on earth do you need over 2 hours to do that though? And you have a cleaner? If it takes you over 2 hours to get everyone up no wonder you need one! Seriously OP you are going to get a right roasting here, there's no need for all that carry on.

The cats are a red herring, and the least of your issues. The children need to be doing more themselves, they are all old enough (the two at secondary more than) to do most if not all of the tasks you're doing for them in the morning.

I don't understand why you get up so early if you have the day to yourself? Why not do all that stuff when the kids are at school?

6.30: My alarm goes off so I snooze it
6.40: Goes off again sometimes I snooze it again or just get up and get ready
7:00 Give the kids a kiss as their nanny gives them break and I head out the door to work

Sorry but you are encouraging lazy and disrespectful DH and DC's. Your initial post made it sounds as you had babies/ very young DC's.

having a shower is not 'work'.
I wake up about 8.15, dp has already got the kids up, fed them, made the packed lunches, he also does their teeth and takes dd2 to school (i do her hair because he's crap at it) my input into the day is wake up, have a shower, get self dressed, drink coffee, take ds to school.

If he wants a shirt he irons it, i do kids bags the night before. Lots of this stuff is your choice.

God you all get up early! (small babies excepted)
Get up 7.30
Call teen ds at 7.45
Call teen ds at 8.00
Leave for work if not doing school run
Leave at 8.20'if doing school run.

Might put a wash on before leaving.

I am a SAHM/MA student on an average day...

DH wakes up, makes DS1 (23 months) breakfast and supervises, puts the monkey back in bed for a snooze makes me a cup of tea, feeds dog goes to work.... I get up around 730 shower wait for monkey to wake again, then start my day!

two days a week is creche day.. so DH up earlier, feeds dog, makes packed breakfast, wakes monkey, dresses monkey, takes monkey to creche stopping en route if necessary to eat the packed breakfast (it's a long journey!) I wake up when I wake up and study.

So in my house it is DH that does the micro tasks!

What do you do between 8am and 3pm though?

It's easy to say it's my choice. Some of it is, but no more than anyone else. If they all made their own breakfast it would be chaos, for instance.

Well, it is your choice. Your husband could step-up and parent his own children, but you've let him get away with lying in bed while you bring him coffee and breakfast.

Working out of the home isn't an excuse for doing nothing in the mornings.

um, this is ridiculous. You're doing a bunch of stuff they could do themselves.

You have the day yourself till 3pm after this anyway so perhaps you feel you ought to be doing it?

coffee for the DH, breakfast to "specifications" - "hairstyles".

WTAF.

I'm up at 7, wake dc up, feed dog, put out breakfast stuff, (meanwhile dc get dressed and come and eat breakfast), make dc's packed lunches, dc1 and dh leave at 7.40, I shower and get dressed. Dc2 and I don't leave house until 8.45 so I have loads of time.
Tbh dc1 is old enough to make her packed lunch but I've got much more time than her in the morning and I'm making dc2's anyway.

Can't get my head around getting up at 5.30 or 6.00 unless you have to for (paid) work!

Can you be my wife please OP? You sound awesome! I'd love to be woken up with coffee in bed every morning.
In all seriousness though it does sound like you put a lot of pressure on yourself. If we're doing the school and nursery run I get up at 7.30, DH makes lunch for kids while I get ready and help DD4 get dressed/brush teeth. DS8 gets himself dressed, teeth brushed and makes himself breakfast. Either DH or I sort DD out with breakfast then we leave at 8.20. On non-nursery days DH and I take it in turns to do school run while the other gets a bit of a lie in or potters round with DD. These days are the same as above except get up at 8 rather than 7.30 as DS is more independent so getting ready is quicker.

We do work from home which makes life easier but I truly believe that all housework and childcare stuff should be equal, so neither me or DH feel we're doing more than the other or feel taken advantage of.

You could help your dc become more self-sufficient by putting a colour coded school schedule on the fridge. Then they check what they need each day and sort it out. I would get them to do that the night before but that is because mornings are rushed in my house.

Words fail me at your dh wanting a protein fix in the morning and expecting you to get up at least an hour before him to provide it! I don't care how hard he works, that's unreasonable.

I honestly think you are setting a bad example to your children. They will see the wife's job as domestic drudgery while husband and children concentrate on more important stuff.

I know it's easy to get into a routine whereby you do everything as it's quicker and easier but maybe have a look at the impact of you doing that.

Buy a couple of lint rolls,even small kids enjoy defluffing each other with those.We don't have a cleaner so messy rooms just have their doors closed.Dd has always had to put out her uniform the night before since she had to wear one that way I had at least a little warming if the last clean something was missing.

You need to shift some of this work onto your DCs. You're not doing them any favours by running around after them.

I'm continually frustrated by how long it takes me to do my morning tasks, and I do do a lot - but I'm a morning person, and I so incredibly would rather do these between 6-8am than after 8pm! (I did try moving the animals to when I got home from work, and it was a disaster - I kept forgetting and having to get out of bed to take care of them!)

My mornings:
6:00am - wake, tai chi, feed cat, scoop litter box, feed bird, change bird cage, water plants
6:30am - prod DD if she's not up yet, pack my lunch and snacks for work
6:35am - make breakfast for DD and myself, eat it, clean up from breakfast, load the dishwasher (DH unloads it)
7:55am - play a short game with DD
7:10am - brush teeth with DD, do DD's hair, help her pick out clothes if needed (or gently correct her choices if needed), we both get dressed, do my own hair
7:25am - out the door

I presume there will be more once DD starts school in Aug.

I'm curious about those of you saying children should be making their own breakfast: from what age? DD currently helps with breakfast on the weekend, but she's just so slow - she can make the meals we eat on the weekdays (usually just porridge or similar), but it would take her a good 15 minutes and it takes me about 2!

Although once she's at school, we actually won't be leaving until much later, since school starts at 9am. My plan is to work from home until I take her there, and then go in. I suppose she could make her own breakfast and eat while I'm working, but I like sharing breakfast time with her.

also your youngest are both 9.....baths? What is there for you to do for that? And whatever it is, why isn't your DH doing it?

do the uniforms really need ironing btw? Usually uniforms are hideous synthetics that are fine with a good shake out.

Why would it be chaos if they made their own breakfast - toast/cereal/fruit etc isn't complicated.

It is your choice to do everything. I never have as DH is a joint partner in the family and our DC's grew up with a morning routine where we all got ourselves organized so we could get to school and work on time.

Wake up around 4am by kids screaming for me or coming into our bed for cuddles.

Lots of cudales, tickels, on a bad day melt downs. Take them to the bathroom, change nappies, clean potty after use & help one to the toilet.

5am ish dh takes them downstairs & makes breakfast to speicifications- not a choice, sensory issues with all three. They play tablets while dh takes down toy, makes me tea to take my pain meds with & he gets ready for work.

6am me downstairs for breakfast (plus other meds) &dh off to work. Normally knackered so disney films, story books if not too knackered. Practice school reading if not too resistant/anxious.

6.30am get me ready. Get kids ready. Deal with the melt downs. Put lunch boxes etc into car (dh makes the night before) Put willing kids into car. Passively aggressively heard unwilling kids by carrying their school clothes to door. Dress unhappy kid/s at door & calm with cuddles.

8 am drive to school. 8.30 enter school early at seperate entrance & try to drop kids with TA's. Drive dc3 to different school. Leave around 9.30 once dc has calmed enough.

9.30-11.30 me time. Drs/gym/friends.

Dh takes care of alot if the mental load in our house hold. But I prompt him constantly about all the kids meetings &chasing up calls. I take care of emails & forms. I take care of all kid extra curricular/therapeutic stuff. From 11.30 pick up its then constant. Dh is very hands on once home around 7. But I do all the (frequent) night wakenings.

Housework is mostly dh & the cleaner. I do washing & bathroom cleans & the toy culls.

I would not be able to parent the kids I have if dh did not take a large chunk of the mental load. I really feel for carers who don't have this.

Between 9 and 3 varies. If I was really tired or ill, I could, in theory sleep for a few hours, but it never works out like that because of appointments and random day to day things.

If DC are here (sometimes at their dad's house) then at about 7:15 I get up and if DS hasn't already got up will suggest this is a good idea.

I go downstairs, make him a cup of tea and may start making DD's packed lunch.

Around 7:30 will eat breakfast with DS and discuss something or other. May start preparations for meal later on.

At about 7:55 I suggest he may want to check what he needs in his bag.

A bit after 8 he goes to the bus stop on his bike. Or if raining or he's doing something else after school where he won't come back on the school bus he may be given a lift.

Also suggest to DD around 8 she should get up.

About 8:15 I will offer DD some breakfast and make her packed lunch if not already done.

She cycles to school about 8:40. If raining a lot will take her and bike in the car.

I start work (work from home) at 9am.