How many mini-tasks do you do before 8am?

[m0j1to]

Kind of following on from the "mental load" thread, I think lots of women are in the position of having effectively done the equivalent of maybe half a days work before they even leave the house "of a morning"?

This would be a typical weekday morning for me -

5.30. Get up. Feed and deal with cats / litter trays. Get showered and ready.

6.00 Iron and "de-fluff" 4 school uniforms (hazard of 3 white Persian cats ). Lay out all clothes for DC
Make sure PE kits are in bags.
Check correct homework is in bags etc.

6.30 Take DH coffee in bed and wake him up. Wake everyone up. Start making breakfast, unloading dishwasher and whatever else. Up and down stairs in the meantime for people asking where's this and where's that and general moaning.

7.00 Serve everyone breakfast - to various specifications

7.20 DS1 and DD1 leave.
Run round and make sure bathrooms ok and no underwear etc left around the place, beds made etc (particularly on days cleaner is coming). Put some laundry in. Make beds.

7.30 DH leaves. Tidy kitchen and see if I can get DD2 and 3 (twins) to do 15 mins music practice if they didn't do it the night before.
Do whatever hairstyles of the day on both.

7.55 Leave for school run.

This is NOT meant to be a moan or sound like a martyr complex because after this, my time is more or less my own until 3pm. But AIBU to think that actually most women do a multitude of such mini-tasks every morning which other members of the household are barely aware of?

You may well ask why I don't do a lot of this stuff in the evenings and I do try to, but the evenings are busy too with dinner, homework, baths and bedtimes. DS1 not in bed until 10 and I'm generally too tired by then.

I'm going to guess undiagnosed school age children are every bit as difficult (ops daughter sounds very much like my eldest who has asd&pda). And we have a cleaner, baby sitter, tutor and play therapist paid from as a result of diagnosis and the extra support that brings. Dealing with the same problems but no support, maybe not even understanding where there are problems or the best approach to deal with them is very wearing and lonely.

Roomster - You have only been on "both sides" in terms of the context of your own life.
That is all you can actually pass comment on really.
The OP has 4 children and by the sound of it one is very challenging. I have 3 and mine aren't particularly challenging, but it's enough for me!
On a very basic level, you could say that having job A is more stressful than not having job A, but only where the family circumstances are a constant - i.e. how many kids are there, is it s single parent family, is the DH around much, other support networks etc. There is so much to factor in rather than just "having a job or not" because people's circumstances vary so much.
Btw as you keep mentioning cleaners, my cleaner comes on Mondays and Fridays and she's lovely. But if the kids come home Monday night with friends and make a hell of a mess, it's not as if I can just leave that mess until she next comes, is it? Often I go around with the cleaner anyway because she can only do so much in the time she has and I'd rather she wasn't in the house all day. So yes she's very helpful, but not the be all and end all and things still need doing regardless.

I'm going to guess undiagnosed school age children are every bit as difficult (ops daughter sounds very much like my eldest who has asd&pda)

OP's DD sounds like many teenage (or nearly teenage) girls actually. The armchair diagnosis on this forum of every child who is a bit difficult as one with special needs gets a bit ridiculous sometimes.

Cesar1 I didn't suggest that you didn't do anything. Just that you don't have much to do if your children are at school and you have a cleaner twice a week. Giving examples of your hard work by describing how you have to tidy up before the cleaner comes just emphasises that. Anyway, there isn't much point arguing about it because you are obviously convinced that it's all hard work whereas I just think you're deluded...

Only the op said her dd has allways had this level of difficulty. And as she already has dyslexia the chances of having other developmental disorders are relatively high. And it isn't possible to diagnose anyone over the internet, but many parents of kids with similar problems first find suggestions online from parents with kids with similar difficulties that lead them to look into the conditions and seek diagnosis. So one reasonable senario is exactly that this is what the op is dealing with. You know many females especially don't get diagnosed until adults because of parents and teachers putting their difficulties down to normal teenage behaviour. I use adult forums for dyspraxia & adhd and the anger many have because no one considered their struggles serious enough to get diagnosed is considerable. Although I allways remind them all mine were diagnosed and still no help of understanding due to ignorant attitudes about disability.

OP says that she has always had a problem with her DD's behaviour but it doesn't sound as other people do. The school thinks the dd is fine and considering it is a private school I suspect they would be likely to point out any difficulties. In my experience, they are certainly much more likely to than state schools. I'm not saying it is impossible that she has other problems but it seems that on this forum people are very quick to jump to that conclusion with very little evidence.

There you go again Roomster with another judgement-laden statement. I never claimed that I work particularly hard. I don't see the point in the comparisons you seem hell bent on making, that's all.

6am up and in the shower.
Wake ds on way back.
Ds in shower, I get dressed and dry my hair if I've washed it.
Ds gets dressed.
Wake dd, she gets in shower then gets dressed.
I go downstairs, put the washing machine on, put the kettle on and empty the dishwasher.
Ds comes down, makes his breakfast and eats closely followed by dd.
I make my breakfast and we manage about 5 minutes together at the table.

Dc clear the table, go up and sort hair and teeth etc.
I make packed lunches and hang washing out.

Dc back down and sort school bags.
I go up clean my teeth and sort hair and make up.
Come down, pack bag for work, check dc's timetables and bags and hopefully we leave at 7.30

stopfuckingshoutingatme oh the irony.

Was I the only person who noticed your post? Page after page of women bitching about men doing nothing in the morning, and then a working mum with a stay at home dad openly admits she does nothing.

All that (white dog) tnen go to work!

This morning I got up at 7:15am, left the house at 7:30am, had a lovely peaceful walk with the dog, got back at 8:30am.

I thought about this thread as I wandered through the woods...

I think routine gets easier as it's the same every day. Something different is harder. once you have your pattern - up at 6am, breastfeed twins, put washer and dishwasher on, make sure older 3 children get their own breakfasts in kitchen, check school books and instruments ready by door, look at calendar to see if PE kit needed etc etc, pile everyone into car at 7.15am - 7.30am (my timetable for a while) it's hard but not impossible. When it changes it's harder.

Now I just have two teenagers (and adult son) at home it's nothing like as hard. They even both drive now and drive my second car to school so even the school run in the morning I did until they were 17 before my full time work is not part of the morning routine now.

Anyone with babies and toddlers has a very hard life (and of course children with special needs) whether male or female working or otherwise particularly if you have non sleepers as we had - no child slept once through the night of any of the 5 until at least 1 and usually woke regularly until about 4! Actually I am now remembering the phase to age 6 or 7 when trying to help twins be dry at night (we are a terrible family at that - I and their father wet the bed until 7) that every single morning I had to strip two b eds and duvet covers and wipe up a load of urine.

Feeling inadequate now as I think of my lack of mini tasks in the morning, or indeed any tasks at all but I operate with military precision in the morning.

6.45: get up for work/get ready
7.10: get DD (age 3) up and ready (clothes on, teeth brushed, face washed, hair up)
7.20: give DD a yoghurt while toasting a bagel for her to eat on the way to nursery
7.25: leave house to go to work and drop DD off at nursery enroute then jump on tube.
8am: arrive at work.

I hasten to add that they get breakfast at nursery in case anyone bemoans the lack of nutrients for my DD's breakfast.