How many mini-tasks do you do before 8am?

[m0j1to]

Kind of following on from the "mental load" thread, I think lots of women are in the position of having effectively done the equivalent of maybe half a days work before they even leave the house "of a morning"?

This would be a typical weekday morning for me -

5.30. Get up. Feed and deal with cats / litter trays. Get showered and ready.

6.00 Iron and "de-fluff" 4 school uniforms (hazard of 3 white Persian cats ). Lay out all clothes for DC
Make sure PE kits are in bags.
Check correct homework is in bags etc.

6.30 Take DH coffee in bed and wake him up. Wake everyone up. Start making breakfast, unloading dishwasher and whatever else. Up and down stairs in the meantime for people asking where's this and where's that and general moaning.

7.00 Serve everyone breakfast - to various specifications

7.20 DS1 and DD1 leave.
Run round and make sure bathrooms ok and no underwear etc left around the place, beds made etc (particularly on days cleaner is coming). Put some laundry in. Make beds.

7.30 DH leaves. Tidy kitchen and see if I can get DD2 and 3 (twins) to do 15 mins music practice if they didn't do it the night before.
Do whatever hairstyles of the day on both.

7.55 Leave for school run.

This is NOT meant to be a moan or sound like a martyr complex because after this, my time is more or less my own until 3pm. But AIBU to think that actually most women do a multitude of such mini-tasks every morning which other members of the household are barely aware of?

You may well ask why I don't do a lot of this stuff in the evenings and I do try to, but the evenings are busy too with dinner, homework, baths and bedtimes. DS1 not in bed until 10 and I'm generally too tired by then.

But the OP says in the actual OP -

"This is NOT meant to be a moan or sound like a martyr complex because after this, my time is more or less my own until 3pm".

The bare minimum. I fucking hate mornings. The only thing more tedious than mornings are smug morning fuckers who boast about how much they do in the morning and how morally superior they are.

And don't forget, just because some women end up as SAHMs doesn't mean they didn't have demanding jobs before. I did and we all know it's a different kind of stress to carrying the "mental load" of the family. It's not really comparable.
Are you only allowed to comment on MN if you have a DH who works the same hours as you and is prepared to take on 50% of housework and looking after the DC so you don't have to? Not all families are like that.

Jealous twats who stick daggers into SAHPs with school-aged children come a close second to smug morning people

Some people come home from work at 6 and sit on their arses watching crap tv for 5 hours every day. Are they never allowed to complain, have a perspective or feel tired by the same token?

This is NOT meant to be a moan or sound like a martyr complex because after this, my time is more or less my own until 3pm

She and you may not be moaning about it but you certainly appear to be trying to give the impression that you have to work really hard which is hardly the case if you have school age children AND a cleaner. As I said, what you do with your time is up to you and I'm certainly not suggesting that you should feel guilt or work harder if you and everyone in your family is happy. I just find the lack of recognition that you have little to do in the day overall, quite ridiculous.

I am a single parent and work full time. Consequently I made sure that my now 10 and 8 year old sons pull their weight. The youngest makes his own sandwiches, I just make sure he has stuff to use and a clean sandwich box.

There is nothing to be gained by being the parent who does everything. Children need to grow up to live independently. If I did everything for them I would be doing them a huge diservice.

Jealous twats who stick daggers into SAHPs with school-aged children come a close second to smug morning people

I'm not jealous at all as my career is important to me. I have friends with school-aged children who don't work. The difference between them and some posters on this thread is they don't go on about how much they have to do.

Roomster - when I was at work there were busy periods and quieter periods, just like I find now.
If course I'm privileged in many ways, as I'm sure you are in comparison to many other people. It's not a competition and it's all relative.

Cesar1 Were you a parent when you had a job? If you honestly found your workload similar as working parent compared with being a SAHM of school aged children and with a cleaner, all I can say is that you must have had a very easy job. Either that or you are like my retired parents (who also have a cleaner two days a week) and have forgotten what it was really like.

No Roomster, I left work when I became pregnant with my first. But I was frontline in the health service and it was very long shifts. If I was doing that now, DH would have to work around me or severely cut his hours (not likely) or I would need to enlist help from elsewhere to take the pressure off.

If I was doing that now, DH would have to work around me or severely cut his hours (not likely) or I would need to enlist help from elsewhere to take the pressure off.

If you were doing that now as a parent, your workload overall would be much higher than it was previously when you worked even if you shared the load with your DH and you would probably also find claims from SAHM that they have a lot to do despite school aged children and a cleaner quite ridiculous.

Get up!

Granny - I'm up! I'm waiting for the DC at a bloody rugby training.

Roomster - well if you say so. Sometimes I do think it would be nice to just walk out the door though and leave the DC 100% to someone else, even for a few hours. To be able to put a different "head" on and think about other issues for a while - a change can be as good as a break as they say! I can't ask my DH to do anything round the house or take any of the mental load as he's always too busy and is a workaholic and living with that is, in itself, draining.
Anyway it not a competition, as I said. I love my life in general and I am extremely fortunate, but nothing is perfect.

I don't think that is a lot to be honest if you are then free until 3pm. Maybe I read your post wrong though

Alarm at 6.45 -up between then & 7 if not already woken by DS(2). 2x a week try to get up at 6.15 and go for a 45 min run.

Either me or DH make DS porridge & unload dishwasher

Coffee & make myself an omelette

Feed cat & dog (either me or DH)

I lay out clothes for clothes for DS as DH dresses him like an orphaned hobo

DH dresses DS while I have a shower & get dressed

DH leaves at 7.50, takes DS to crèche once a week

I pack DS bag for crèche, make our bed, general tidy up esp on Wednesdays when cleaner comes, sometimes chuck on a load of laundry

Faff around doing make up etc and leave between 8.20 - 8.30

🤔 at OP getting up at 5.30 to start breakfast service for the whole household! Knock it on the head and give yourself an extra half an hour's sleep!

Roomster - well if you say so. Sometimes I do think it would be nice to just walk out the door though and leave the DC 100% to someone else, even for a few hours. To be able to put a different "head" on and think about other issues for a while - a change can be as good as a break as they say! I can't ask my DH to do anything round the house or take any of the mental load as he's always too busy and is a workaholic and living with that is, in itself, draining.

I could understand that comment if your children were pre school age. However, if they are all older, surely you can just "walk out the door" for a few hours while someone looks after them i.e. while they are at school. Do you seriously think that you would get more of a break if you did a paid job during those hours than you do at the moment?

I also think OP is getting an unnecessarily hard time.

I've worked shifts (late and night) for years and my body clock is screwed.
I work part time, so have more days off than working days, have 2 older teens, only 1 still at school and the eldest is working. Dh leaves for work before anyone else is up.
Days off (I get 6 consecutive) I'm probably more like a SAHM.
On non work days I usually start to waken at the back of 7 and can just about mentally function by 8. DS (15) is very good at getting himself up and out in the morning, and pretty much all I need to do for him is give him money if his school lunch card needs topped up.
The day is then my own. I don't need to be in for ds getting in from school, but it's a hard habit to break after doing it all these years. I actually quite like being there for him coming in...he had a hard couple of years with bullying, and although it's sorted out now, I still get anxious to know he's ok.

I usually get up around 8:15, once he's away to school, and that's when I let the dog out and feed him. I'll empty the dishwasher and hang out any washing done the night before.

if I'm not gong to an early gym class I'll do household admin over breakfast and numerous cups of coffee, and have a quick tidy round.

During the day I'll pretty much suit myself what I do, unless I need to help my elderly dad.

We're past the stage of having activities straight after school, if I'm organised(haha) I'll have done something about an evening meal earlier in the day but more often than not I'll do it late afternoon, and if I've not done gym earlier in the day I tend to go to the gym from teatime into the early evening.

On days I'm working (long shifts and little sleep) any housework over he minimum goes by the wayside, or if it's at the weekend, dh will do it willingly. Dd will happily seeto her own washing, Ds will do tasks if bribed/threatened. Dd will also do ironing if asked.

I know I have a life of Reilly but it's been a long time coming...I spent my 30s with young children surviving on little sleep...working till 2am and being up at 7 to get the children sorted, and also caring for my mum who had early onset Alzheimer's disease.
I work part time through choice-it was a decision made jointly before we had children, and it works for our family.

Ditch the ironing and waiting on DH for a start!

Roomster - if you don't mind me saying (and I only read OP posts since page 12), you really do seem to have an axe to grind about this 9-3 business.
The way I read it, the OP did not set out to say she has it harder than working mums or anybody in particular. Quite the opposite actually. She only mentioned that she has 9-3 as free time to give context and balance to the fact she gets up early and does everything in the morning. That was the whole point. She was making a generalisation about women carrying the "mental load" in the mornings, working or not.
Some people here feel they do, others have come on and said they do sod all in the mornings.
If I was working, I'd be damned if I'd be doing half the things I do for DH now, like all food, clothes shopping, laundry, taking his suit to dry cleaners, 90% of the emotional load of the kids and so on. My life would be harder if I was working yes, but at the same time, a lot of what I do now would have to give because a) I simply wouldn't have time and b) I'm not a mug.
That's about it really.

AIBU to think that actually most women do a multitude of such mini-tasks every morning which other members of the household are barely aware of

I don't know about 'most', but I do almost nothing you've listed, and my children are only slightly older. They sort out their own clothes, empty the dishwasher, make their own breakfasts, pack their own bags, help out with laundry, make their own beds, do their own hair, and feed the cats and dog.

I make the main item in their packed lunch, and leave them to put the rest together.

Dh makes his own coffee and generally helps out, if he's around. He travels a lot for business.

I don't feel in the slightest bit under-appreciated.

I've frequently gone back to work part time since having my dc. Suicide interventions are a walk in the park compaired to being a full time carer to 3 disabled dc. Ofcourse this was even more true prior to their many diagnosis when I was 'just' a sahm. Work is easier option in my life and handing over the responsibility for worry about the kids to their dad and/or a nanny is a huge relief ime.

Roomster - if you don't mind me saying (and I only read OP posts since page 12), you really do seem to have an axe to grind about this 9-3 business.

You think I have an axe to grind because you are making assumptions about why I am commenting when you don't know me and haven't even read the thread. I don't think my life is particularly difficult either nowadays (older children and now work only part time). I wouldn't dream of saying otherwise though or tell people who also have children what is involved as if they might not know... Perhaps that is because unlike you and OP, I have been on both sides.

I've frequently gone back to work part time since having my dc. Suicide interventions are a walk in the park compaired to being a full time carer to 3 disabled dc. Ofcourse this was even more true prior to their many diagnosis when I was 'just' a sahm. Work is easier option in my life and handing over the responsibility for worry about the kids to their dad and/or a nanny is a huge relief ime.

I wasn't suggesting SAHM with disabled children or preschool children have an easy life ffs. I was referring to someone with school age children AND a cleaner who comes in 2 or 3 times a week.

I've always worked full time so both of us (I have never been in a sexist marriage) always had a lot to do before and after work. I remember one stage their fatehr drove one child to school and drovethe 2 girls to their school coaches with the twin babies in the car leaving home with the 5 of us in my car by about 7.15am.

Now those twins drive themselves to school and usually don't want me even to wake them up and all of us in the home does our own cooking there isn't a vast amount to do before school. I am better in the mornings than late on so usually tidy up, put dishwasher and washer on, bins if needed,and work admin and overnight work emails from all over the world from about 6am.