How many mini-tasks do you do before 8am?

[m0j1to]

Kind of following on from the "mental load" thread, I think lots of women are in the position of having effectively done the equivalent of maybe half a days work before they even leave the house "of a morning"?

This would be a typical weekday morning for me -

5.30. Get up. Feed and deal with cats / litter trays. Get showered and ready.

6.00 Iron and "de-fluff" 4 school uniforms (hazard of 3 white Persian cats ). Lay out all clothes for DC
Make sure PE kits are in bags.
Check correct homework is in bags etc.

6.30 Take DH coffee in bed and wake him up. Wake everyone up. Start making breakfast, unloading dishwasher and whatever else. Up and down stairs in the meantime for people asking where's this and where's that and general moaning.

7.00 Serve everyone breakfast - to various specifications

7.20 DS1 and DD1 leave.
Run round and make sure bathrooms ok and no underwear etc left around the place, beds made etc (particularly on days cleaner is coming). Put some laundry in. Make beds.

7.30 DH leaves. Tidy kitchen and see if I can get DD2 and 3 (twins) to do 15 mins music practice if they didn't do it the night before.
Do whatever hairstyles of the day on both.

7.55 Leave for school run.

This is NOT meant to be a moan or sound like a martyr complex because after this, my time is more or less my own until 3pm. But AIBU to think that actually most women do a multitude of such mini-tasks every morning which other members of the household are barely aware of?

You may well ask why I don't do a lot of this stuff in the evenings and I do try to, but the evenings are busy too with dinner, homework, baths and bedtimes. DS1 not in bed until 10 and I'm generally too tired by then.

What a waste of time. Let's all list all the things we do and not interact with anyone else on a thread. Let's write about how busy and exhausted we are from doing wifework but take massive offence if anyone points out that much of it could be done by others and most of it is done through personal choice.

Shave the cats, get a job or go back to uni. Do something challenging, creative, inspiring, anything! I'm sure you do before you say I know nothing about your life but if 5-9 and 3-10 are spent doing microjobs there can't be much time and energy for it.

I slightly love this post. I always comment that it sometimes feels like I have done a days work by the time we leave the house!

My usual morning:

6:00am - alarm. Hit snooze.
6:10am - alarm. Stare at BBC news.
6:15am - get out of bed.
6:20am - teeth, shower.
6:30am - make dd2's & my lunch.
6:45am - put coffee machine on & wake up dds. DH gets up to walk dog.
6:50am - wake up dds.
6:55am - wake up dds.
7:00am - WAKE UP DDS.
7:05am - get dressed.
7:15am - give dds breakfast & put 'face' on.
7:25am - DH back who makes his own lunch. Eat my breakfast.
7:30am - feed dog.
7:30am - 7:45am remind dds to do teeth and get their shoes on. Maybe put washing machine/dishwasher on.
7:45am - try to leave.
7:50am - go back inside to get piano bag/water bottle/whatever else has been forgotten.
7:52am - leave. Phew!

I am a teensy bit jealous to be honest. I would absolutely love to have a cleaner..and a dishwasher. It would be bliss!

Perhaps your daughter is just a teen with raging hormones - they can be horrendous but it does pass.

Personally, I let mine organise their own bags/kit/morning routine. I am too busy getting myself ready and they are old enough to shoulder the responsibility for themselves. They soon learn!

Bloody hell, this thread is vicious! Not sure of the need to slate OP or tell her to get rid of her cats.

Handbag - I have actually responded to your comments. Maybe I do too much in the mornings then - I can accept that. So shoot me! I don't need to be called simpering a Stepford wife, nor do I need to be told to "get a job or go back to uni" by someone who has nothing to do with me.

I think we should accept the OP likes doing what she does, otherwise she would change things. I don't understand why she does everything - I couldn't/wouldn't but she obviously enjoys her life as it is.

I find it odd that her DH doesn't get up to help and her DC's can't or won't do things for themselves but it's her problem not ours.

5.50: Get up, washed, dressed myself.
6.00: Go downstairs to kitchen, put away dishes from night before, sweep floor, put porridge on to cook, finish 3x lunchboxes for DC, hang up any washing from overnight. Check everything is ready in my workbag
6.30: Wake up DC, toilet and dress them, serve/spoonfeed 3 kinds of porridge, have a cup of tea. Pack and put all school/nursery bags in the car.
6.55: Change DC3 nappy (inevitable post-breakfast poo), clean teeth x3, give last minute handover instructions to DH (still snoring).
7.00 Leave to catch bus to work. All DC DH's responsibility now!

I'm afraid I don't do anything for anyone else in the morning, I am not a morning person. (No primary aged DC here note). DH makes me a cup of tea but he leaves first & he is a morning person.

All bags/kit must be ready before bed & the only role I play is asking to make sure it is done
All breakfasts are made by self. We only have cereal or toast and everyone knows they must put dirty dishes in the dishwasher
Everyone also puts dirty clothes in the washing bin at night & they should straighten their bed in the morning but I don't worry if that's not done or if PJs are on the floor (even on cleaner days!)
Clothes don't need to be 'laid out', I don't really get what that means. Clean clothes are in the wardrobe and ready to wear.

So OP, are you happy doing all this in the morning?
If not, are there any tips in this thread that you may be able to adopt?
If you are, I guess you, you are taking on a lot of 'wife thinking' but I do think it is very much your choice and it is up to you to decide if you want to stay this way or make some changes.

Whilst I do expect everyone to be pretty self sufficient in terms of breakfast & basic tidying up after yourself, that doesn't extend to laundry by the way, I think I'll introduce that around 17, assuming Uni is looming, along with making sure they have a reasonable reportoire of basic recipes.

I am only on page 12 so forgive me if these questions are already answered.

m0j1to from the way you post I assume you live in a large house with you DC at private schools and your DH has a very very important job that or I have skipped back to the 50's

I have left the house at 8am every day of my adult live, never have I needed to get up at 5.30 to achieve this. My DH if in the UK leaves by 6.45 so doesn't do much in the morning. When the DC were young he did make the morning tea and bottles, plus lift them out of their cots/beds and change them.

I have never laid uniform or any clothes out the night before, clothes live in drawers and wardrobes and DC know where to find them. Top stop cat hairs you keep the doors (bedroom & windows) closed. I hate ironing so I did outsource this, but with enough uniform for 6 days.

DC always knew from when they were old enough to move independently where the washing basket was, where the dishes went after a meal etc. By their mid teens they could use the washing machine, dishwasher, cook etc.

Homework is for the benefit of the DC not the parents, they either do it or they don't and face the consequences at school.

Are you using your DC as a prop, do you feel the need to justify your role in the family?

You say that your DD has problems, my DC1 has Dyspraxia and other issues especially around organisation yet she managed it.

DC2 had similar anger management issues and yes they wear you down, but then I would have done 8-10 hours work along with everything else.

DH was around in the evenings when working in the UK despite having one of those 'important' type jobs.

"odd" that DH doesnt get up to help or DCs wont do things for themselves, come up thats what "full time" Mums are for.

Before 8am on a work day I literally just get my two children and myself ready (husband works away in the week) I get up at 530 and so does my daughter. I do as much as possible the night before and I only do the dishes in the morn and make sure the house isn't a total mess to come back to!

See I have realised that to have an 'easy' morning with DC (6 and 4) I need to get up 2 and a half hours before leaving the house. 2 hours for an ok morning. Am baffled by those who manage it in hardly any time. Where am I going wrong? Honestly happy for tips. Things like hair, applying sunscreen and teeth brushing require my supervision if not actually doing them.

Also (waiting to be flamed), I work very part time. I absolutely expect to do more than my DH in the morning and when my youngest starts school I will expect to do it all on the days I am off. It seems only fair to me. Disclaimer: I do NOT mean this when looking after very young children / those with additional needs.

Between 6am and 7.45am

Feed cats
Maybe put washing on
Tidy kitchen/do dishwasher
Feed kids
Sort any school stuff

I also have breakfast, shower, make my lunch and make a cup of tea for me and DH

Sparkles you probably should read the full thread before accusing someone of using their children as a prop or needing to justify their role in their own family. Can you grasp how utterly patronising that sounds?

Sleep 😴. 8.30 we wake up and DP makes me coffee and we watch Sky in bed until 10ish then we have a shower. I work from home so I like to start at 11ish which is basically when my day starts.

OMW Someone, your life could be mine!

I don't understand why some MNers are being so judgemental about op. I'm pretty sure she wasn't asking for it.

Walk the dog, feed and muck out the horses, breakfast, shower, dressed for work and out the door by 7.30am here. Thank god it's Friday

Walk the dog, feed and muck out the horses, breakfast, shower, dressed for work and out the door by 7.30am here. Thank god it's Friday

Op I think you are getting quite a hard time and are feeling perhaps tired (little and disturbed sleep) and overwhelmed with your DD. perhaps also a bit under appreciated and possibly unfulfilled?
You are trying to be a good mum but it all feels a bit unrewarding may be?
Your routine doesn't sound very odd to me. I do loads of stuff before 8 and feel grateful to get to work some days for the sit down!
6:30 get up, sort breakfast and packed lunches,
7;00 shout "bigs" up do laundry/cook dinner/feed cats/email
7:55 shout more
8;00 shower get ready for work
8:45 DH takes "little" to school

SparklesandBangs

Wow. Are you that patronising in all areas of your life or just on MN?

I don't understand why some MNers are being so judgemental about op. I'm pretty sure she wasn't asking for it

Me neither, it's pretty unedifying and unnecessary.

You say that your DD has problems, my DC1 has Dyspraxia and other issues especially around organisation yet she managed it

Bully for you, mine has too and yet doesn't manage it.

Why are you up defluffing and laying out uniforms and making your DH coffee in bed. Get them to sort themselves out

Everyone is pretty much responsible for themselves in our house. DD1 sets her own alarm and is usually up first and downstairs having breakfast when I get up. I get up, empty dishwasher have breakfast and watch the news. Meanwhile DH and DD2 get up and help themselves to breakfast and tidy as we go. Everyone takes packed lunch, made the night before. I get ready for work, DD2 packs her bag. Job done.