How many mini-tasks do you do before 8am?

[m0j1to]

Kind of following on from the "mental load" thread, I think lots of women are in the position of having effectively done the equivalent of maybe half a days work before they even leave the house "of a morning"?

This would be a typical weekday morning for me -

5.30. Get up. Feed and deal with cats / litter trays. Get showered and ready.

6.00 Iron and "de-fluff" 4 school uniforms (hazard of 3 white Persian cats ). Lay out all clothes for DC
Make sure PE kits are in bags.
Check correct homework is in bags etc.

6.30 Take DH coffee in bed and wake him up. Wake everyone up. Start making breakfast, unloading dishwasher and whatever else. Up and down stairs in the meantime for people asking where's this and where's that and general moaning.

7.00 Serve everyone breakfast - to various specifications

7.20 DS1 and DD1 leave.
Run round and make sure bathrooms ok and no underwear etc left around the place, beds made etc (particularly on days cleaner is coming). Put some laundry in. Make beds.

7.30 DH leaves. Tidy kitchen and see if I can get DD2 and 3 (twins) to do 15 mins music practice if they didn't do it the night before.
Do whatever hairstyles of the day on both.

7.55 Leave for school run.

This is NOT meant to be a moan or sound like a martyr complex because after this, my time is more or less my own until 3pm. But AIBU to think that actually most women do a multitude of such mini-tasks every morning which other members of the household are barely aware of?

You may well ask why I don't do a lot of this stuff in the evenings and I do try to, but the evenings are busy too with dinner, homework, baths and bedtimes. DS1 not in bed until 10 and I'm generally too tired by then.

I don't really understand the OP hating on this thread. All she wanted to know was how much other people do in the morning

Op ignore these eedyats.

Honestly some people are so bloody spoiling for a fight. And it's always the same people.

daisy - it sounds like you all work very well together.

Thankyou Blah and Loopy. It's ok, its AIBU and always judgy. Anyway, of course I have days when I'm useless and inefficient and I've discovered starting a MN thread doesn't help!

Well, it does seem to me as though you make extra work for yourself. None of the tasks are arduous but if it took me hours to do the morning routine, I'd look at ways to streamline things. Obviously, if you're happy with the current set-up, who cares what anyone else thinks?

If it were me, I'd dispense with the following: daily ironing, checking schoolbags, running up and down the stairs in response to the children's queries, making breakfast to everyone's specifications, picking up anyone else's underwear, doing any sort of complicated hairstyles.

For children of those ages, I would let them be responsible for their own uniforms, bags, breakfasts, hairstyles, and underwear! DH would also be in charge of his own breakfast and picking up after himself.

Not suggesting that you should do that, but that's what I would do.

I don't really understand the OP hating on this thread. All she wanted to know was how much other people do in the morning

No OP hating from me, but in fairness, she constructed a hypothesis that women did a disproportionate number of 'minitasks' before 8 am that other members of the household are barely aware of, and it emerged that this is based on the fact that she rises very, very early and chooses to do large numbers of things which in other households are routinely done by children and spouses.

It's her call, obviously, and if she's happy with it, she's happy with it, but I don't think there's any harm at all in other posters pointing out that hot breakfasts cooked to order for individual family members, bringing a spouse a daily cup of tea in bed an hour after the start of her own day, the laying out of PE kits/uniforms/homework, making everyone's beds etc etc aren't a normal part of other people's daily routine.

My 5 year old DS is no domestic goddess (god?), but he still gets out his own uniform from the drawer, 'makes' his bed (not exactly hospital corners, but hey), makes his own toast and knows that if he needs something and I'm in another part of the house, he has to come and
tell me, rather than roaring down the stairs.

It's disrespectful to the cleaner for your husband to leave his pants on the floor but not disrespectful to you??

You have a cleaner three days per week and you don't work?

I think lots of women are in the position of having effectively done the equivalent of maybe half a days work before they even leave the house "of a morning"?

Why just women? Yesterday, before 8am I had both DCs dressed for school, made breakfast, emptied the bins, emptied the dishwasher, fed pets, hung out clothes and made a start on a beef stew for later. By that time my wife had managed to wash her hair

The op is wanting to normalise her morning routine by saying it's just what women do and it's frustrating because there's no need for anyone, male or female to be doing half the jobs the op is choosing to do.

I find it belittles the work many women end up having to do to keep the show on the road by equating it to having to pick up your dhs dirty underwear so the cleaner doesn't have to or having to pack the school bag of a 13 year old.

If you came on here saying you were stressed out because you were spending hours a day cooking, pureeing and feeding your dc people would sympathise. If you went on to say your dc were 8yo people would quite rightly point out you were holding your dc back whilst making work for yourself.

I also feel if I read about yet another one of these sporty, hard working high earners that have a woman facilitating their lives for them who simpers about it like it's a massive privilege i think I'll be sick!

I don't think anyone's 'hating' the OP. I myself do a variety of morning tasks if I get up first, including unloading the dishwasher, putting a load of washing on, making a cup of tea for me and DH, and getting some breakfast things out. Sometimes on GCSE days I'll boil an egg for DS. I never cook breakfast on a normal school day, though. DH does all those things if he gets up first, and it varies, as we both are based at home. But I get up at 7 rather than at 5.30 and what I do takes about 15 minutes. Getting up at 5.30 seems very early and very extreme.

I'm certainly not "hating" OP. She can do exactly as she places and doesn't need to justify her actions. However, I find her assertion that what she is doing is something that many women do quite irritating because most of what she is doing in the morning is out of choice rather than because she has to. Anyone can choose to wake up early and do jobs at that time rather than later on in the day whether they are male or female.

The point is though Roomster, that from where I'm standing and for reasons I have repeatedly tried to explain, these things are not a straightforward choice.
If you were in my shoes you might understand, but you're not so you don't.

HandbagKrabby - no idea why you would feel sick about people you don't even know. Making your DH breakfast is something you would obviously not do. That does not mean it's "simpering", nor is it the crime of the century.
Nobody on here has a monopoly on what is "normal" and it's quite narrow-minded to presume that you do.

I think most of us feel sorry for the OP. Getting up at 5.30 to run around after five people who don't seem to do much for themselves isn't normal in my book. It's like she's the paid help, picking up pyjamas and underwear from where they've been peeled from the bodies of her offspring and DH, running up and down the stairs to attend to their every whim etc. That's not doing a few tasks before 8am, it's being treated like a skivvy.

The point is though Roomster, that from where I'm standing and for reasons I have repeatedly tried to explain, these things are not a straightforward choice.

You haven't given good reasons why it is a necessity rather than a choice to do most of those jobs first thing in the morning rather than during the day. You also haven't explained why it is a necessity rather than choice to pack your children's bags, put their clothes out and sort of different breakfasts for them rather than letting them do it themselves as other children do.

How r ur kids ever going to learn to sort themselves out, if ur doing all that checking for them at their age? You're doing them no favours

On weekdays, DP usually wakes me up with a cup of tea at 7am.

I come downstairs around 7.20. He'll have already sorted DD breakfast and also our foster child's brekky. They can both "lay their own clothes out." I also have a fluffy cat but they keep their uniform away from her.

I then sort fluffy cat's litter tray and water etc

I might sort some washing but often do it later instead.

At 8.15, DP leaves for school run with foster child.

At 8.30 I walk DD to school.

Back for 9 and usually start work (freelance writer).

DP usually back for 9.10.

That's about the height of it here.

What were you expecting from this? A stepford love in about how wonderful it is to get up at 5am to clean up after pedigree cats and cook 6 different breakfasts? Absolutely ridiculous to think that this is the usual morning routine for more than the teeniest group of women.

Saying that, every week there's a thread from a sahm with a high earning husband who is essentially his skivvy and rationalises it because he earns so much and works such long hours he deserves to be waited on. I do find it sickening in 2017, as it reads like servitude rather than a marriage of equals.

All that effort and energy going into organising school bags and cat fur and picking up other people's underwear could be going into a million other worthwhile endeavours. It's such a waste of what should be a lovely happy easy life. But if it makes you happy, it matters not.

Does it really matter? If I'm making eggs, I make them for everyone. If it's porridge it's just as easy to make it for 5 people as it is for DH, then they can put their own fruit or nuts in. It's not actually a big deal at all. My son is in a very demanding school, DD is possibly underweight and it might be all she eats all day and DH appreciates a decent breakfast. Is that ok?

If I can get the clothes ready the night before I do. They do a lot of after school activities which I ferry around to. I have explained about the homework situation with DD which is usually a nightmare. DS is often revising or finishing homework until late. I need to do dinner for all of them and usually DH at a later time when he gets in - then clear away etc as well as chivvy the younger two to get in the shower. DH often needs to work in the evenings. Quite often he's away it with clients. I rarely sit down between 4pm when I bring the younger two home until after 10pm due to any combo of these factors. To me it's a fact of life of having 4 kids which we chose to do. I'm definitely not about making life harder.

That kind of routine is the norm for most especially when there is no nanny or help. My routine is similar but then I have a 44 mile round commute to work every day on top of that.

Equally OP, lots of posters have repeatedly tried to explain how you might do things differently to avoid so much unnecessary 'work'. Other posters have also repeatedly offered their opinions as to why you doing all these things may well not be to the benefit of your children. You seem to counter these suggestions by telling us how different your family life is when actually it isn't (plenty of people have a number of children, hard working husbands, children with special needs/ behavioural problems, etc and a job of their own too).

You do not NEED to: organise uniforms, bags and PE kits for children of those ages, prepare breakfast 'to various specifications', wake your husband up with a cup of coffee, pick up other's PJs and underwear, do complicated hairstyles, supervise music practices in the morning, etc.
Suggesting that you are terribly busy and take on masses of the 'mental load' is a bit insulting to other posters (men and women) who have far more to do and far less time in which to do it. That is why people have become frustrated/ annoyed with you. I guess you just don't see it though...

Not sitting down till 10pm? Sod that for a game of soldiers, what about watching Corrie?

If you're happy with it then you're happy with it, you're the one that started the thread. Most people aren't happy with getting up at 5 to drudge, but that's your choice.

Originally, it was different breakfasts for all, now everyone has porridge or eggs so it's a different proposition isn't it?

I dunno, I get up, sort a cat, breakfast, dc, school run etc. I cannot relate to the insistence this should necessitate in a four hours of work every morning. I have less dc but they're younger, it's an hour effort then the rest of the day is fairly easy.

m0j1to Your children are not busier than other children their age so it doesn't explain why they are not doing the things that other children do. Parenting for you doesn't have to be harder than it is for other people. Obviously, you can choose to do those things for them rather than teaching them to be independent but it is a choice as is doing most of the jobs you mention in the morning rather than during the day when presumably you don't have anything else to do.

Well I am just trying to be honest. I have not criticised or commented on anybody else's lifestyle and would never presume to do so. If someone says this is my life and I do what I feel I need to do, who am I to judge?

I empty dishwasher, make some packed lunches depending on what is for school dinner & who's at Pre school sometimes I do this at night if I can be bothered. Do breakfast for the children (eldest usually does her own), get boys dressed, put washing on, load dishwasher, eat my breakfast. Do dd hair as I listen to her read. Leave for school. I've got dd 7, ds's 4&2