How many mini-tasks do you do before 8am?

[m0j1to]

Kind of following on from the "mental load" thread, I think lots of women are in the position of having effectively done the equivalent of maybe half a days work before they even leave the house "of a morning"?

This would be a typical weekday morning for me -

5.30. Get up. Feed and deal with cats / litter trays. Get showered and ready.

6.00 Iron and "de-fluff" 4 school uniforms (hazard of 3 white Persian cats ). Lay out all clothes for DC
Make sure PE kits are in bags.
Check correct homework is in bags etc.

6.30 Take DH coffee in bed and wake him up. Wake everyone up. Start making breakfast, unloading dishwasher and whatever else. Up and down stairs in the meantime for people asking where's this and where's that and general moaning.

7.00 Serve everyone breakfast - to various specifications

7.20 DS1 and DD1 leave.
Run round and make sure bathrooms ok and no underwear etc left around the place, beds made etc (particularly on days cleaner is coming). Put some laundry in. Make beds.

7.30 DH leaves. Tidy kitchen and see if I can get DD2 and 3 (twins) to do 15 mins music practice if they didn't do it the night before.
Do whatever hairstyles of the day on both.

7.55 Leave for school run.

This is NOT meant to be a moan or sound like a martyr complex because after this, my time is more or less my own until 3pm. But AIBU to think that actually most women do a multitude of such mini-tasks every morning which other members of the household are barely aware of?

You may well ask why I don't do a lot of this stuff in the evenings and I do try to, but the evenings are busy too with dinner, homework, baths and bedtimes. DS1 not in bed until 10 and I'm generally too tired by then.

You're enabling your dh and dc to see all you do as invisible women's work. You choose to do that and subsequent posts imply you're happy with it and no one understands you and why you can't change anything. What do you want? Validation? Sympathy? Comparisons to make you feel better?

I can't think of a good reason why someone living in the U.K. needs to go food shopping every day other than personal preference for example. Own your choices, if it's what you want to do great, if you're doing it because you think you should then maybe rethink.

I didn't intend the thread to be about me at all. I don't know why some people are over-analysing whatever I say.

"No one understands you" - well no, because nobody actually knows me or my wider situation. You don't have to understand me, just respect that people might live differently to you. And no need to patronise me either. DH does a lot for me, he has a different mental load, but I'm not going to even get into it because people probably won't get that either.

Well I am just trying to be honest. I have not criticised or commented on anybody else's lifestyle and would never presume to do so. If someone says this is my life and I do what I feel I need to do, who am I to judge?

I'm not criticising your lifestyle. I'm criticising the fact that you claim that you have to get up early in the morning rather than realising that it is just something you are choosing to do. I'm also critical of the fact that you seem to see what you are choosing to do as "women's" work.

I do a lot the evening before (homework, lay clothes out, check book bags etc, make sure p.e kit is sorted) saves a lot of time & stress the morning And I tidy up / wash up after the school run when I get back.
You could make your mornings a lot easier

Get up, make bottle for Ds2. Change his nappy. Unload dishwasher, make porridge for DS1, toast for DS2. Unload half of dishwasher- ds1 does the stuff he can reach. Pack lunches. Wrangle 2 kids through breakfast, getting dressed etc. make bed. Shower and dress. Wrangle kids out of door. The hard bit is the getting kids to do stuff! The stuff I do is the easy bit. Usually a fair few tantrums/ disagreements/ dawdling etc

So you have the day to yourself,and a cleaner..fuck your blessed honey

6am dh gets up and showers
6.30 me and dh have a coffee together and eat breakfast , he then goes to work at 7am
7am I wake up 2 year old and 4 year old
Pjs off themselves and put in laundry themselves
I brush their teeth and wash them
7.15/ish I dress 2 year old, 4 year old dresses himself
7.30 help them to make beds then go downstairs
7.35 ish I make breakfast and they eat while I feed 2 dogs and rabbit and pick up dog mess in garden
7.45 kids put pots in sink and I wash whilst they put shoes and coats on
7.55 grab school bags prepared night before
8am leave house for the bus

Fucking hell plenty of flack on here for the OP

Totally unnecessary.

Sorry OP but if your eldest is old enough to stay up 10pm then surely they're old enough to get their own breakfast and sort their own homework out and even the younger ones can make their own beds etc?!

Wake up at 5.09, shower get ready for work for 6am, my husband does morning duty with kids, they up at 7, his out at 7:45 and both kids leave for school bus by themselves making sure dogs are safe and all the doors are locked.

Like fuck would I get up an hour before DH to do housework! Why can't you both get up at 6am and share the chores? That's what we do.

I usually stick a load of washing on and get the kids fed and dressed.

I then come back home and have a coffee and go to work for 12

Wouldn't tumble drying reduce the need for ironing and get rid of the fluff? Best thing I've ever bought. I have 2 very fluffy dogs and it works wonders.

And if you're not out at with all day, why aren't you doing those chores during the day ffs?

I get up. Sometimes I go for a run, then come back and shower and eat breakfast. Sometimes I just shower and eat breakfast. Then I go to my desk for 8.30 and start working.

My teenage daughters and their father are busy doing their own getting up/showers/breakfast.

One of us sorts the dishwasher and the girls usually feed the cats.

I am breaking with tradition to produce breakfast for DD1 on GCSE days but am hugely looking forward to normal life resuming.

Op, you appear to have cat fluff problems.

I would suggest you need to do a deep vacuum and clean of affected rooms, and then shut them off by ensuring doors are almost permanently closed. Your cats need to be kept out of those rooms as much as possible.

Regular brushing can also cut down on the problem, but your cats do not need a full run of the house. We have one cat, and he's kept out of the living room and bedrooms because he creates mess and deposits debris everywhere.

I wake at 5am, make Ds's packed lunches, have a cuppa while doing so, I hoover, all the house, damp cloth clean the house, and also bleach the bathroom and decontaminate ds2 kitchen bench.

Dh runs ds2 bath, while I get his bandages and mess ready, I will bath ds2 while dh irons his school uniform, gets there gear ready for the day etc...

While dh gets ds2 ready, I bleach the bath, and run ds1 shower.

While I get ready, dh is sorting breakfasts for us all (all freshly made due to household allergies) and then I hoover ds2 bedroom and dry cloth everything. (If a Friday I will change his bedding, wash his duvets and pillowcases and put them in the freezer and defrost his new ones (which I take out the night before).

I then give ds2 his meds while dh gets ready.

One of us will do a washing, and ds1 will empty the dishwasher.

Then we all eat together and drop off at school,

Zero. Alarm goes at 8.15.

DH gets up first & showers. I get up as he goes downstairs, at about 6.30am. I talk to him & start to assemble packed lunches. I make sandwiches a couple of times a week, but I chop fruit & veg in the morning. Ds3 gets up around 7am. He is 7 & going through a welcome independent stage, so he makes his own breakfast. I go up at about 7.10, waking the older two up as I head for the shower. Ds3 will get himself dressed & clean his teeth. I shout the odd reminder out of my bedroom door (teeth/meds/leave some hot water for your brother) as I get dressed & put make up on. Older two will empty/load diswasher/strip beds/sort & put away clean laundry & dust/Hoover as directed. I oversee homework & help when asked, but do try to let them crack on.

Around 8.20 I leave to take ds3 to school. Mon, Wed, Fri I listen to him read once we're in the car park. Tues & Thurs we leave earlier to do a senco-led club for motor skills before school. We do times tables in the car. I didn't do tables with the older two but Ds3 has mild SEN & it takes much more effort for him to learn stuff.

In terms of mental load - I do deal with everything related to the boys. We don't have pets partly because that falls to me too & I don't currently have the capacity for it. I don't work full time, but I do work pretty much every minute they're at school. It is bloody exhausting. DH pitches in at the weekend but he works very long hour with a long commute & although I'd love him to do more, he is a finite resource, same as me.

Either these tasks at fair and reasonable, and not all that difficult in which case what is your issue with doing them, or they are unfair, unreasonable and difficult in which case you would have a point and be justified in being cross.

However whenever a poster has told you that the tasks were in any way difficult or more than you should be doing you jump to say that they aren't difficult and it is totally reasonable due to kids' and husband's loads etc. So I'm a little bewildered as to what the point is tbh.

None. My day starts like this:

8.33 - wake up
8.35 - shower
8.40- eat breakfast quickly
8.50 - walk to work
9am - turn on computer.

None for me either. Kids wake me up at 7am, we get dressed and help ourselves to breakfast, they're 6 and 8 and i certainly don't wait on them, then they do any homework, pack their bags and brush teeth and we are out of the door by 8:40am. I will give the kitchen a quick tidy in that time and feed the dog.

You are doing way too much for your DC and DH, I'm not sure why, but as long as you are happy with it, then carry on as you are really.

If you get rid of the cats, you could have at least an extra half hour in bed...

Just saying...

6:30am - Wake to the sound of "Mum - Mum - MUM - MUM" from youngest. Pop him in the bed for a cuddle and try to convince him to not wake everyone else for at least another hour.

7:00am - Give in, get up, give youngest cereal and put Peppa on the telly. Go for a wee and brush teeth/wash face. Make coffee. For myself. Get dressed.

7:30am - Call eldest for school. Open his bedroom window because it will inevitably smell like feet. Wash dishes if I've left them from the night before. Feed the cat.

8:00am - Middle child wakes up. I dress both young ones and roar at eldest and husband a few times to get up. Everyone's out of the house by 8:30am.

I don't iron, I don't de-fluff anything, I don't have cats in the house, I don't bring anybody anything in bed, I don't do different breakfasts "to specifications", I don't check eldest's bag/homework (that's his own responsibility). If only my poor DH knew what he was missing out on....I hope you're valued, OP!