To think you should help tidy up after playgroup?

[GreenShorts]

I mean the sort that churches run with volunteers for a pretty nominal cost. At the end of my local one every week the same people sit on their backside whilst everyone else pitches in.

This obviously excludes anyone who might find this difficult (we sometimes have grandparents and I completely understand they may find it difficult). But the people who have happily been running around after their children until tidy up time comes around. Am I unreasonable to think they should get up and help?

We have packing up down though so tend to do it same way every time and it takes a couple of minutes with about seven of us, plus a lot of the kids 'help'.

After I'd washed up all the cups and tidied the hall once, another woman that hadn't came up and handed me....her child's dirty nappy to "just pop in the bin would you".

Another whilst shoulder deep in sudsy water popped in the kitchen to ask "TSS do you have any nail scissors please I've broken my nail"

We had it with gaelic games, see it with sailing and have it in Cubs too.

Gaelic is run by volunteer parents as a committee and coaches but they specifically ask that every family help out for putting up goals and taking them down weekly, and just the general organization bits. And occasional requests for parents to help with fundraising or supervising disco or organizing Christmas party etc - it's always the same few parents doing everything.

Sailing - there is a core group organizing it, but a need for quite a lot of involvement for getting the kids launched into the water, marking off sail numbers as they launch and come back to land (for safety purposes), having rescue rib boats out for safety purposes, and people recording numbers on committee boats in races, and for event races (not the Friday night fun series of just local clubs - with lots of visiting boats) there are organizational jobs as well like registration and welcoming. Yet it is the same few parents who seem to do those extra duties on a weekly basis around coaching or the Friday night races, and I expect to see the same ones managing the big regatta later this month. Lots don't even help their DCs to rig their boats, just drop them and their gear off and collect them later on.

In Cubs, the leaders generally do run most things. We have a great parent who does the food shopping and cooking (as in cooks a big pot of sauce like spag bol for reheating, we'll cook the pasta on site ourselves) for our overnight hostelling and camping trips. We have a few who have generally been around to help lift boats in and out of the water in boating season (we're a Sea Scout unit), or help us pitch and strike camp, as they drop and collect their DCs. There are a few who will run particular sessions for us (a professional artist giving an annual art lesson, someone else runs an environmental and design programme and does a related session annually, a yoga teacher giving a class etc) which is nice for variety for the Cubs and we are very grateful. But we've specifically asked this year for 2 parent helpers each boating session as our numbers are very high - and it is a few (who generally give a hand with other things anyway) who have ended up volunteering for 2/3 sessions each rather than each family covering 1 session as we'd hoped. It's the only thing we have specifically asked for help with as boating sessions are very hard work so concentrating on the kids in the water rather than security of the den and supervising individual Cubs needing to go back early for the loo (who will come back to the boats) or because they are too cold (who are showering and changing early) is something that parental help is really useful for.

The world is divided into two - the sitter backers and the helpers. In my next life I want to be in the former group!

Yanbu. I always used to be wryly amused by the number of babies who suddenly needed a long breastfeed at tidy up time having been perfectly content a few minutes ago...

"I have no idea whether it is set up in advance" !!!

don't fret deary, the playgroup fairy will have opened the cupboard, taken out all the toys, arranged them nicely, found the cups and plates, filled the kettles,remembered the milk, dug out the teaspoons, brought the tea towels from home............ You just stroll in whenever you fancy and enjoy your free afternoon. And feel free to leave to pick up your older child from school without helping to tidy up afterwards, because no one else has that problem so they will all do it for you.

Lol ours is set up after the service on a Sunday, ready for Monday.

Rightwhine that was exactly how I got roped into toddler group

And both of mine are set up before the doors open... deary

The world is divided into two - the sitter backers and the helpers.

I am both of these things.

My son's are involved in Scouting (I am heavily involved in Guiding). I am often asked to help as a parent with Scouts/cubs/beavers. Unless it is something that requires no extra effort from me (like using our 7 seater van to take extra people/things to an event I'm already going to with my boys), I will say no.

I will be the "sit back and watch others do it" crew.

Why? Because I have 4 children and busy my mind in many, many voluntary hours week in and week out in several different capacities. I have the ability to say "no, I'm not helping", even though in many other capacities I give over and above what is required.

I currently attend as a parent the toddler group I used to run (with a 3 year gap when I've not attended). I rarely lift a finger there either.

What's interesting here is the assumption that those people who don't help tidy away are of one breed. Different to those that do help.

I currently run brownies (20 plus years), other roles in girlguiding, governor at two schools, committee for our village hall, read with children at school. Ive previously run a toddler group, set another up, volunteered at swimming club, helped at football club.

But often I say no. I did sit back and decide to let others do the work (this time) instead of me.

I first entered this thread because I fear oeople may sit and judge me for not tidying up at toddler group (I don't). I am a very community minded person and probably volunteer much more than the average "tidier upper" at playgroup. I would not have judged people that don't help.

What an utterly awful thought that people will judge me because I don't help in that single capacity, amoung all the ways I do help.

I'm glad that such shallow mentalities mean nothing to me.

Great post FATE. Couldn't agree more.

This thread has made me reconsider whether I want to go to these groups at all. Some of the grumbling, begrudging posts by 'volunteers' on here have made me think I'd rather not encounter that sort of attitude at all (ick).

I am one of the 'tidiers' as I've already said, but I've never thought the sorts of things people have said on here. I would hate to think anyone at my group thinks these things about the women who happen to sit back at this particular group.

Seriously, ask them to tidy if it's such a big deal and if you're so sure they're just being lazy pisstakers. Or, if you're from my group , I will do the tidying - just say the word and stop bitching ffs.

And please, if you're one of the posters who seem to really hate doing their voluntary role, but feel obliged to carry on anyway - that's terrible. Please don't do it. It's only going to make you miserable and I really doubt the attendees would like you to continue if you feel that way. I definitely wouldn't. I'd rather there not be a group to go to, seriously.

Fgs the dramatics! Put your child's Lego away that's it!

Tell them, not me.

Keeping your mouth shut, probably smiling insincerely at them and then bitching behind their backs is beyond childish.

Calm down! Haven't been to a playgroup in years and quite happy to hand out bin bags to parents slipping away from school events - am sure I am the one being "bitched" about

What an utterly awful thought that people will judge me because I don't help in that single capacity, amoung all the ways I do help.

So if your child drops a drink on the floor you leave it because you help elsewhere? You don't just pop the toys back into the boxes after they've finished playing? If you notice a cup's been left you leave it rather than taking it to the kitchen? What an utterly odd attitude.

This thread has made me reconsider whether I want to go to these groups at all. Some of the grumbling, begrudging posts by 'volunteers' on here have made me think I'd rather not encounter that sort of attitude at all (ick).

TBH in the end I couldn't hack it any more so I stopped going. I didn't judge the people for feeling that way though - I understood but I felt bad leaving them to it.

Obviously yanbu op. Yes those volunteers offer to help but that doesn't they should do everything. These clubs are subsidised for you because of their free manhours. The disgusting bit is that ime it's usually elderly ladies trying to be kind to young parents. Left to do all the work. you don't have to volunteer and set up and stay late and make tea but you can tidy up your kids mess so he doesn't turn in to an entitled asshole too.

this thread had made me reconsider wether I want to go to these threads at all

I'm sure it would be a huge loss if you no longer frequent their charitable playgroup.

There is nothing wrong with expecting a thank you and normal manners

KERELA

I'm perfectly calm thanks. Thanks for your um... concern.... Funny how it's all no big deal and really a bit of a laugh now, when the rest of the thread has been a character assassination of anyone who doesn't meet the required tidying standards. Please note, despite thinking that the op and others were making a mountain out of a molehill, I wasn't patronising enough to tell them to "calm down!" "Deary" .

This thread is thoroughly unpleasant to me tbh. Bitchy, self-righteous, nasty shit being said by some posters. It really gives me the creeps that one of the smiling ladies from my church group might be thinking what some posters are saying on here.

I'm sure it would be a huge loss if you no longer frequent their charitable playgroup.

What a bitchy thing to say.

Fgs the dramatics! Put your child's Lego away that's it!

Well, yes, exactly.

Nobody's saying that everyone is obliged to "volunteer" as in offering to take on special jobs in the kitchen or toilets or whatever.

But putting your child's toy's away at the end of the play session is just basic common sense and good manners. See also: you go to a fast food restaurant and you clear your tray afterwards, you go to a friend's house and when she starts clearing the coffee table of cups and saucers, you lend a hand. Etc. etc.

I have never seen a playgroup where people don't automatically lend a hand when it comes to tidying away toys.

There is nothing wrong with expecting a thank you and normal manners

And of course there isn't! There is something wrong with what some people have been saying on here though, imo.

There is something wrong with what some people have been saying on here though, imo.

What that people should put the toys back in boxes? Not everyone can be on the committee and that's understood but it's about manners and consideration for others.

Are you being deliberately obtuse middleaged? Quite clearly, that is not what I meant at all.

What I object to is people calling these other mums lazy, entitled pisstakers and then making assumptions and generalisations about what it signifies re their character if they happen to not tidy up at toddler group. I hate us vs them crap. It is shallow thinking.

I know we live in a post definitions era and words don't mean anything anymore. But expecting something for nothing and refusing to help are the definitions of laziness and entitled. It's just how words work.