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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think you should help tidy up after playgroup?

184 replies

GreenShorts · 07/06/2017 17:06

I mean the sort that churches run with volunteers for a pretty nominal cost. At the end of my local one every week the same people sit on their backside whilst everyone else pitches in.

This obviously excludes anyone who might find this difficult (we sometimes have grandparents and I completely understand they may find it difficult). But the people who have happily been running around after their children until tidy up time comes around. Am I unreasonable to think they should get up and help?

OP posts:
BackforGood · 07/06/2017 20:29

what's your vast experience from which you draw your judgemental attitude about those who choose to volunteer, or not?

35 years as an adult, belonging to all sorts of things
21 of those years as a parent, again, taking 3 dc to all sorts of things.

didn't realise there was a time qualification you had to get in before posting your opinion on MN though.

purplecollar · 07/06/2017 20:29

I think make it clear. It's not obvious if you're new to it all. I find that with the school fete. They ask you to volunteer to help tidy up. Then totally ignore you when you ask where things go. So you stand around like a lemon. And eventually give up.

Make a little announcement before the end. Please could you help us tidy up.

Rockaby · 07/06/2017 20:32

I've been a Scout leader too and "parents never volunteer" was something I heard sometimes from other leaders. It was something they never would have said in front of parents or children (obviously) and I always sort of shrugged and thought yeah, ok, I can see how it would be nicer to have some extra help sometimes, but no big deal. Who knows why parents don't volunteer? Not my business really.

This thread is more like if a parent who volunteered at Scouts started mouthing off to me about parents who didn't. If I'd ever heard anything like that, I'd have thought they were really bitchy tbh and been a little Hmm. Volunteer / don't volunteer. Help tidy up / don't help tidy up. But don't volunteer / help tidy up and then think it gives you the right to slag off people who don't.

Anditstartsagain · 07/06/2017 20:34

The group I go to the people who run it tidy up becausr everything has a place and if everything doesn't go in the right order it won't fit. I always feel bad but the group leader asks us to leave it.

FATEdestiny · 07/06/2017 20:35

If you choose to attend a toddler group it is entirely reasonable that you follow the stated expectations of mucking in while you are there.

Of course. If it's STATED as an expectation when you join, then I'd if you don't pitch in as stated then you should stop attending.

The passive agressive nature of assuming everyone should help when no such thing is stated as an expectation, that is not in the spirit of volunteering.

I spent my time setting up and tidying away at toddler group. Some people were happy to help - great. Some didn't want to - fine.

Original poster
GreenShorts · 07/06/2017 20:36

I'm not saying anyone should volunteer. I'm saying you don't sit on your backside and watch half the room tidy up after everyone's children. For the same reason I wouldn't go to a play date at someone's house and watch them tidy up without pitching in. Expectations don't really need to be set out clearly when you can see what other people are doing surely?

OP posts:
SheRasBra · 07/06/2017 20:38

I thought part of the point of tidy up time was to show young children that when we have finished playing with things we then put them away. At the playgroups I attended the kids loved to help putting stuff away.

Surely the reason it's only £2 is that it's run on a shoestring and everyone who can pitches in just a little?

Thirtyrock39 · 07/06/2017 20:39

Fate your point makes no sense at all. It's like a teacher asking a class to put there pe stuff back in their kit bag and the pupils saying 'sorry that's your job we just come here to learn' . It's your toddler that's played with the toys so pick a few of them up at the end we are not talking hoovering up and a full deep clean of everything! (Jobs which volunteers will do regularly)

purplecollar · 07/06/2017 20:39

Those are your expectations. I don't expect anybody to tidy my house after they've been there for an hour or two. I invited them to enjoy themselves.

FATEdestiny · 07/06/2017 20:40

This thread is more like if a parent who volunteered at Scouts started mouthing off to me about parents who didn't. If I'd ever heard anything like that, I'd have thought they were really bitchy tbh

This. Much more elegantly written than my posts, but that is my point. Thank you Rockaby

I deal with volunteer recruitment in Girlguiding. Of course we want parents to volunteer. Anyone to volunteer. But it is absolutely not in the nature of voluenteeing to be unkind to people who want to use the charity without volunteering. Certainly not to make them feel unwelcome if they don't help.

Original poster
GreenShorts · 07/06/2017 20:41

Purple would you go to someone's house let your kids play with their toys and not put them away after?

OP posts:
Original poster
GreenShorts · 07/06/2017 20:45

Volunteering - setting up, preparing snack, making drinks, leading singing.

What I'm asking - put the toys your kids were playing with back in the box.

Surely they are two different things?

OP posts:
MaisyPops · 07/06/2017 20:45

purple

  1. If you have someone over, you are hosting
  2. It's still good manners if you are at somebody's house to take your cup to the side and not allow your child to leave somebody's house a tip.

What I don't get is how people are focusing on being "forced to volunteer" when really it's just having manners to pick up after your kid.

You go to a small toddler group. It's good manners to return your cup to the side and pick up a few toys after your child. But you wouldn't wash the side, sweep up, do the bins because that's what the volunteer organisers have signed up to.

Just like if you go to a friends house, you take your cup through to the kitchen and you'd not let your kid get every toy out and go home without helping. But you wouldn't do the dishes or wipe all the sides down.

Original poster
GreenShorts · 07/06/2017 20:49

Maisy thank you, that's exactly what I'm trying to get across.

OP posts:
purplecollar · 07/06/2017 20:49

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I ask my dc to tidy up. Sometimes I don't. It depends really.

I too used to be a cub scout leader. It's lovely when people volunteer or help. But it totally puts people off helping and sometimes attending, this sort of attitude.

loveyouradvice · 07/06/2017 20:52

I'm going to echo sand snake... I think that a lot of newbies have no idea how these things work and are understandably hesitant, not sure what unwritten rules they might be about to break.... I do think it helps everyone if old hands make the rules clear and ask people to help... That said, I've enormous sympathy with those who get frustrated with those who just take and assume their £2 entitles them to everything...if a group is based on the premise that everyone (or those who can) help tidy up at the end, rather than just a few volunteers, it is entirely reasonable to expect this.... while also seeking to engage everyone in this. I know it takes balls (and hopefully coming from a non-confrontational position), but perhaps talk to those who don't help and explore with them whether they'd be up for it if they are regular attenders? I've found most do once they've been asked one to one... even if they've been in the non-helping group beforehand...seems to especially work well if they feel you're talking to everyone to ask them all, rather than singling them out...

Rockaby · 07/06/2017 20:53

maisy

Yes, it's nice to do the things you've mentioned, and most people do exactly what you've said ime. But what use is it looking down your nose at people who don't? At a church group especially, it's not a nice thought that attendees are looking about, noting others' behaviour and judging / disapproving if it doesn't meet their standards.

FATEdestiny · 07/06/2017 20:54

GreenShorts

At a toddler group, ALL of the children play with ALL of the toys. This is not a case of "my child played with the dolls house and your child played with the megablocs - So therein is the division of responsibility"

Original poster
GreenShorts · 07/06/2017 20:57

Fate I understand that so I tidy up my sons fair share of the mess he has helped to create.

OP posts:
MaisyPops · 07/06/2017 20:59

rock I would agree.

To me, I wouldn't be frustrated if it was someone new who was just getting the hang get of how the group works. But I do think it's common sense and basic manners to tidy up like we've agreed. It's a couple of minutes and I must admit for regular attenders I would feel a little irritated if they routinely sat around chatting am whilst others tidy up toys their children have played with. I'd feel so awkward and the fact they don't probably would give me an insight into to their attitude. (Fair do if they were mid flow and every now and again chatted through).

I think it's fairly obvious when people are taking the mick. Those who take the mick are usually the ones who create issues at clubs when the child is older (I can imagine the parent who shouted at my colleague for making a child do outdoor things on a voluntary outdoor residential was probably one of those. E.g. the residential was cheap childcare and gave them a break but they aren't happy)

BlurryFace · 07/06/2017 21:05

Everyone who stays to the end and isn't actively child wrangling tidies up at our one.

It would feel really rude not to, as almost all the volunteers are old enough that I would offer them my seat on the bus so I wouldn't want to watch them cart around heavy boxes of books etc. Also, they all make the effort to talk to the mums and children and are generally very warm people.

It's £1 a pop for a cuppa and unlimited biscuits for the kids, hardly some successful business that should be grateful for our custom. Hmm

FATEdestiny · 07/06/2017 21:06

I understand that so I tidy up my sons fair share of the mess he has helped to create.

That's great. It's not necessary try to shame those that don't.

Toddler groups (any group relying on volunteers) needs people like you. It's great that you will help and if those running you'd group are doing a good job they should be noticing and thanking you for doing it. What you are doing is very kind. I am in no means saying you shouldn't.

But to make unkind judgements against those that don't help, that is very unnecessary. Especially in a church capacity.

People help their communities and others in different ways. You can make no judgments based only on one small aspect that you saw.

It should not make you angry that they don't help tidy up. It should make you proud that you do.

Original poster
GreenShorts · 07/06/2017 21:09

FATE I see your point and I'll take my judgemental pants off.

OP posts:
Increasinglymiddleaged · 07/06/2017 21:12

Mine are staying on over this Grin

KERALA1 · 07/06/2017 21:14

Agree with bikerrunski. Take a look at the ones picking up toys. They will be on the pta. Or be governors. Or aren't but will be quietly there with a bin bag at the end of the summer fair. Or they run a brownie pack. Thinking about it 5 years later my fellow play group tidier uppers are still my friends Grin

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