To think you should help tidy up after playgroup?

[GreenShorts]

I mean the sort that churches run with volunteers for a pretty nominal cost. At the end of my local one every week the same people sit on their backside whilst everyone else pitches in.

This obviously excludes anyone who might find this difficult (we sometimes have grandparents and I completely understand they may find it difficult). But the people who have happily been running around after their children until tidy up time comes around. Am I unreasonable to think they should get up and help?

Fate, I agree overall that the people who volunteer to RUN the group (and are part of a committee or similar) do have an expectation to set up, make refreshments etc, and then maybe there are regulars who might lend a hand etc. But I think the point is that in many groups there is a "tidy up time" where all attendees and volunteers tidy up ready for singing/story/snack or similar. This is the bit where it seems a bit rich for people to just sit on the side and wait rather than pitch in.

YANBU

DH used to be a scout leader and god forbid they ever asked for a bit of help - nothing major, but if everyone pitched in loading a trailer for a camp it would take 5 minutes

He regularly encountered 'I've paid for my DS/DD to be here, I'm not helping'. 2 quid a fecking week for 2 hours

He finally had enough when a parent was an hour late to pick up her child after a camp and told DH 'well, I've subsidised your free holiday'.

And as your children get older, you'll find that it's tidy-uppers who volunteer for the PTFA, sports club committees, Beavers/Cubs/Scouts etc. Some people are community spirited, some feel that they are entitled to people running round after them. It's the latter that'll be the first to complain.

My experience has always been people tripping over themselves to help tidy up. Blink and you miss the tidy up time. I try to grab a few things as quickly as I can so I don't get accused of not helping.

Yes of course but you'll always get the group who leave 15-20 mins from the end purely to avoid it. Plain rude, especially when they're still outside chatting as everyone else leaves

fate your attitude absolutely stinks. You have absolutely no idea about how some of these groups run (on a wing and a prayer in our case, never enough people willing to help constantly on the edge of folding). It isn't 'ooooh I'd love to volunteer' it's 'oh shite someone has to do it and I feel guilty doing sweet FA and leaving it to others.'

I think if you are so lazy that you don't want to lift a finger you shouldn't go.

Perhaps it's up to the people running the group to set out expectations when people join.

Perhaps it's up to the people running the group to set out expectations when people join.

Yes I agree with this, you can't expect people to double guess what's needed. And this does help.

I have a super clingy toddler and now a baby to hold but I still try and help tidy up after playgroup as much as I can!

I go to one run by the local children's centre - it's free and run/set up by 2 lovely ladies.

Same group of women who sit chatting and ignore their own children also happen to be the same women who still stay sat chatting whilst tidy up goes on - gives me the fucking rage 😡😡😡

I tend to tidy up aggressively in their direction

But I think the point is that in many groups there is a "tidy up time" where all attendees and volunteers tidy up

As long as this is made clear upon first joining, no issue at all. Passive aggressive assumption without actually setting clear expectations on attendees, not ok.

When I ran a baby and toddler group (with my friend who I've volunteered at Brownies with for over a decade), we regularly thanked people who helps. Vocally and publicly. We hoped to encourage people to want to volunteer to help. Even just a small amount.

But to expect it, or berate those who can't or don't want to - that just shows a callous misunderstanding of the nature of volunteering.

Interesting fun fact - I now attend the same Baby & Toddler group I spent 7 years running. Im just an attendee now, with my toddler 4th child. I don't help at all. In any capacity. No tidying up from me. No washing up or preparing fruit. Maybe that's cos I'm lazy? Maybe it's because I feel I volunteer my time continually in many, many many ways and right now, toddler group isn't one of them. So I just go to play with my child.

it isn't 'ooooh I'd love to volunteer' it's 'oh shite someone has to do it and I feel guilty doing sweet FA and leaving it to others
Totally agree.

There's a difference between not signing up to volunteer and just being a lazy arse who thinks that because you've paid £2 people you can sit about whilst other people have manners.

But when I've been involved in voluntary things the people who help are usually the ones who volunteer at other clubs etc or go on to do that in due course.
Sadly, the ones who sit about and FA are more likely to be the type who complain when their club isn't on because it's their cheap baby sitting evening and/or they aren't happy with a volunteer.

One of my colleagues did a residential (voluntary in school holidays) and one of the parents shouted at them because they'd made the child walk too much and he was clearly tired. It was an outdoor pursuits weekend.

And pipnchops people understand that, don't worry about not being able to for a genuine reasons - toddler groups are run to support people with toddlers and there are times it's hard you can pay back later.

It's the ones who think the volunteers should do everything and they are entitled to not lift a finger because the committee want to do it who I judge. As I said previously particularly the ones who actually let their DC get the toys back out and climb in the cupboard when you are c trying to put boxes in

But it's not a normal 'service' it's something I pay £2 for and get tea and coffee. It's basically a charity with a nominal fee. Surely it's just good human decency to clean up after your child?

Fate what a horrible attitude. Have you never come across the expression 'many hands make light work'? Your post sums up a lot of what is wrong with some sections of society tbh.
Agree with so many others though that - whatever you are part of - there are always 3 groups - the ones who automatically look to see what they can do to help / to lighten the workload for the few, then the ones who will do something quite happily if you ask them to do something specific, then the selfish folk who will never contribute anything. Not related to having a physical disability and being able to bend or lift, or a particularly difficult situation where you need to be elsewhere at the moment help is needed, but those who just wander through life with a massive sense of entitlement. It runs throughout anything and everything you join.

I think expectations need to be set out. I go to a playgroup on my non working day and the first couple of times I left without helping. I bizarrely enough wasn't sure if I would be seen as interfering or being somehow above my station as a 'newbie'... Slightly ridiculous I know! But if I (quite confident person) was a bit unsure about the 'etiquette' then I bet that's the same for loads of others, as opposed to laziness / rudeness.

Increasinglymiddleaged: fate your attitude absolutely stinks. You have absolutely no idea about how some of these groups run

Nice.

My experience in the voluntary sector

• 7 years running parent and toddler voluntary community group
• specific responsibility for sourcing funding (as well as day to day running)
• primary school governor
• set up from scratch school toddler group, sourcing and training volunteers and all stock needed
• over 20 years at my local Brownie pack
• over 10 years as commissioner for girlguiding and various division roles
• governor at secondary school
• committee for local charity run community hall

Remind me again what makes you think you can make assumptions on what voluentrering means Increasinglymiddleaged?

At the current point in the terrible 2s my contribution to tidy up time is preventing my dear little toddler from untidying... when she was tiny I stuffed her in the sling to tidy up, once we're through this period we will both tidy up but at the moment she prefers emptying boxes to filling them!

BackforGood - In relation to my post above, what's your vast experience from which you draw your judgemental attitude about those who choose to volunteer, or not?

Remind me again what makes you think you can make assumptions on what voluentrering means Increasinglymiddleaged?

Well you obviously love volunteering. At our local toddler group we had no one at all who particularly wanted to be on the committee.

And just because you enjoy volunteering doesn't mean people can behave like entitled twunts while they are there.

i helped run an informal parent and toddler session in a church hall back in the day. we paid for heat light insurance and provided teas coffees and biscuits and drinks for the kids. we always had a messy play thing going on like painting and we used the playgroup big equipment. i think we asked 50p contribution per family. seriously. people compained about the quality of the biscuits, the brand of tea used and never cleared up even after their own child. unsuprisingly it folded after i went back to work

And just because you enjoy volunteering doesn't mean people can behave like entitled twunts while they are there

That's my point!

Those who volunteer DO NOT have any right to behave like entitled twats.

They have no rights (and should not) berate those who don't volunteer. The nature of voluenteering means you take on the responsibility WILLINGLY - thst is exactly what voluenteering actually means.

Not doing something by passive agressive force.

But it's not a normal 'service' it's something I pay £2 for and get tea and coffee. It's basically a charity with a nominal fee. Surely it's just good human decency to clean up after your child?
That's how I look at it.

You cover hall rental and tea/coffee with your £2.
People choose to run and organise the voluntarily.
You aren't paying to have people clean up after your child.

I disagree Fate. If you choose to attend a toddler group it is entirely reasonable that you follow the stated expectations of mucking in while you are there. If you don't like it then don't come. Your decision.

I think there is a massive difference between volunteering and tidying up toys at the end of playgroup. Tidying up can take 5 mins if everyone helps before they leave or it can take half an hour if it's just two of you with your tired children who also want to go home.
If you go to a children's group and the toys need tidying up at the end, it is polite to pick a few of them up and drop them in a box on your way out.