To do this for Dd so she has 'real' friends.

[Marieliala]

Dd is 15 and is desperate to have 'real' friends. She has the crowd she hangs around with at school but wants the kind of friends that sleepover,go to concerts together etc. I feel for her,she does so many activities but is missing out on the 'teenage experience' of having fun.

She would love to have friends over but we can't because her brother is a school refused and is extremely controlling and has destroyed the house. I'm desperate to move but cannot afford it right now.

Aibu to rent out an aibnb nearby as a one off treat,she knows it would only be a one off because I can't even keep up with extra curricular fees or the weekly shop. just so she can have a sleepover (she's slept round friends houses but they've stopped inviting her because she never hosts) . Or is it too extreme ?

The oil is so expensive . I'll look into it, thanks.
She had to stop because I couldn't afford them , I'll admit sometimes I give Ds the money that's for Dd's activities,revision books ,school equipment just so he doesn't kick off.

Agree with others that the real issue here is that your son is abusive to you and your dd. I can't believe that school does not care/does nothing when dd goes in covered in bruises. They are failing her.

I'd contact SS and say you just can't cope with DS any more and that DS has to be removed.

He's almost an adult, abusive and spends his life trashing the house. If CAMHS hasn't given him a diagnosis then what about the GP? Does he say why he trashes the house?

If you don't do anything now then soon you'll be living with an adult abusive male.

You need to protect your dd.

How can you describe your DS as "sweet and living"? He clearly isn't.
Your DD needs to feel safe in her own home and if you tell Social Services you're not prepared to have your DS living in your house they will have to find somewhere else for him to live.
Put your DD's needs first.

How old is your ds? If there's nothing wrong with him, are there options that involve him not living with you?

someone we know hire the scout hall and had 15 friends to sleep over, the kids loved it and it was only about £35 so you could use the rest for pizza.

People here are well meaning but ss are highly unlikely to do anything other than they already have- close the case.

I do think, and if there ever was a time for a 'hun' it's now, foster care might be a consideration

He used to be sweet and loving. I've tried the gp many times . Last time I told social services I couldn't cope, ds stayed with his friend for a while and then came home and then the time after that they made Dd stay away from home for her safety .

Then they decided it was safe for her to be home and closed the case

With AirBnB you can only have one guest per bed. No host will allow you to book a 2 or 3 bedroom property and have anymore than 4 or 6 guests in total particularly one adult and X teenagers. That is particularly the type of thing they are trying to avoid.

In terms of getting ss to have your son, you get the police to remove him next time he attaxks you and refuse to have him home. SS will then have to take him. Of course, what they'll do with him is very variable and unlikely to do him any good and he'll probably never forgive you but you and your dd wil be safe.

I'm sorry there's not a better system if support out there for you all.

I'll admit sometimes I give Ds the money that's for Dd's activities,revision books ,school equipment just so he doesn't kick off.

Bloody hell op that is shocking decision making! And you also want to spend money you don't have on an Airbnb to somehow make things balance better for your dd when she lives with an abusive relative who routinely gives her black eyes??

I am sorry to be harsh as he is a minor, but you CANNOT let this continue. SS need to be told he is being kicked out by you, they need to be told and told and told. arrange for them to come over when he is out, have the locks changed and all his stuff packed up and outside. I repeat I do not say this lightly but your daughters safety is paramount.

Her friendship groups are utterly beside the point - she is not fitting in because of her home life but that is the least of her problems.

Or even simpler as per the above poster, have him removed by police next time he attacks you - but make sure you change the locks so he can't re-enter.

This is such a sad story OP I desperately feel for you and your daughter.

You are being failed by so many services. Police can make an abusive husband/ BF leave the house, but not an abusive DS?! It's ridiculous.

I think writing to your local MP could be an option, or as someone else said, maybe get one of the national papers involved. This is just awful.

Would it help if you spoke to the parents of your daughters friends? I'm sure if you really explained the situation they would be understanding, if nothing else than because surely they wouldn't want their DD's staying st a home with a violent male? I think I would tell them that it's just not safe at your house for DD's friends, otherwise of course the sleepover invitations would be reciprocated. Take pictures of the trashed house if you beed to and show them. As adults and parents, they should be understanding of your poor DD's situation and not exclude her and if they don't, then really they are just not friends worth having.

Your DD will presumably be going to college/ sixth form/ work in a year or 2 and hopefully this won't be so much of an issue (I think I stopped doing 'sleepovers' once I was about 15 tbh.

This is one of the most heartbreaking stories I have read on here. This isn't about Airbnb, this is about the fact that your daughter has been taught that violence from males is something that women have to endure and work around.

So should her future partner start beating her when she is older, instead of calling the police, she may well think to herself "What can I do better to make sure he doesn't beat me again next week?"

If she came to visit you in floods of tears with a black eye from her boyfriend, would you send her home and tell her to wait, give him some money next time it looks like he's going to kick off, and see what happens over the next year or two?

The situation with your son has long since passed the point that you can weather it out and hope for the best from SS.

If you throw him out, change the locks and inform the police and SS, SS will have to step in as your son will be a homeless minor.

It won't be great, and he may end up in a hostel, but right now you and your daughter are living in real physical danger, in a terrible environment - "The cupboards have no doors,there's wholes in the walls,wall paper ripped it's absolutely trashed and every time we fix something, Ds breaks something else." If he ends up in a hostel because he caused this situation, then so be it.

I know you feel you are doing everything you can, but you are letting your daughter down. Spending money on an Airbnb is not helping. It's giving her a teaspoon of Calpol instead of taking her to hospital when you know she has pneumonia. The only thing you can do to help her - and she should be your absolute top priority above all else - is removing your son from your home for good.

Wow you are subjecting your poor poor powerless daughter to ongoing years and years of domestic abuse. It is one thing for you to accept it it is quite another to lay your daughter in harms way.

It is time you sorted your fucking shit out and protected her!

There comes a point when you have to say "enough is enough" and protect your daughter over her abuser.

If you throw him out, change the locks and inform the police and SS, SS will have to step in as your son will be a homeless minor.

Your son sounds vile, I'm sorry. When your daughter looks back on her childhood, she won't care about the sleepovers but she will remember the way her needs were shunted aside in favour of appeasing her violent brother.

This must be really scary, but you are the adult here and your daughter has to know she can come to you for protection. Your son has forfeited that right now.

Your poor daughter there is nothing worse than being left out by friends. However I would question howuch of friends they are if they leave her out so easily. IMO one sleep over isnt going to change things.

You have bigger problems, obviously, and it is good that you're getting advice on those. But in the short term, yes, I think the AirBnB would be a nice thing to do for your daughter. She deserves it.

Your poor daughter there is nothing worse than being left out by friends

Being regularly physically abused by your brother probably tops not being invited to sleepovers.

OP - your DD lives in a chaotic and violent household. That is going severely fuck up her chances of having a good group of friends.

The last few posts have echoed what I have felt from beginning to read this thread OP. I know you don't want to hear this but you are the adult here and are letting both your kids down in different ways. I would boot him out calling the police in the process. Refuse flatly to have him back. It might be the turning point he needs as while you are appeasing him by keeping a roof over his head and paying him when he doesn't kick off he has no incentive to change. Time to stop expecting others to put this right and for you to do it yourself. You are showing contempt for your daughter while you allow this situation to continue.