To do this for Dd so she has 'real' friends.

[Marieliala]

Dd is 15 and is desperate to have 'real' friends. She has the crowd she hangs around with at school but wants the kind of friends that sleepover,go to concerts together etc. I feel for her,she does so many activities but is missing out on the 'teenage experience' of having fun.

She would love to have friends over but we can't because her brother is a school refused and is extremely controlling and has destroyed the house. I'm desperate to move but cannot afford it right now.

Aibu to rent out an aibnb nearby as a one off treat,she knows it would only be a one off because I can't even keep up with extra curricular fees or the weekly shop. just so she can have a sleepover (she's slept round friends houses but they've stopped inviting her because she never hosts) . Or is it too extreme ?

StHeathensGrammar,
We hope you don't mind, but when posts such as the ones of yours that we just removed are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources - here. You can also go to the Samaritans' website here, or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters can be great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, perhaps on another thread, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Sorry for hijacking your thread Marieliala, we really hope things start to look up for you and your family as well.

Marieliala it's clear the poster has some issues, and you don't need to take those on board with all you have in hand already!

People are angry with your son, but I do understand how it feels. You love him and tried to get him help. You have been terribly failed by the services that should have supported you.

Please stay strong. Your son is causing you all kinds of problems, and terribly for your dd. But fortunately the best outcome for him is also the same as the best outcome for you and dd, help for him to change and for you and your daughter to heal.

Marie please don't give any more though to that poster who said that. It's absolutely disgusting to say such a thing to a parent.

YOU will not be the person to bring out that change, so you must rely on others to help him and you focus on your dd, IMHO.

Night night.

I have only had time to skim the thread. The link given above by another poster (sorry I do not know how to link to poster) gives a good outline on what a CIN plan is (Child in Need Plan). This is below the threshold for CP (Child Protection) - parents/carers cooperate on a voluntary basis.

I maintain however that if your daughter is being physically assaulted and the house is being smashed up then the LA should have a strategy discussion with the police. If it was her partner, you, or any other adult behaving like this it would not be acceptable. It is also not acceptable for her (or you) to be subject to this from her brother.

What is also worth knowing is that if she (or he) is deemed as a child in need or a child in need of protection and needs identified support that is not readily available, i.e. Specialist counselling that Camhs or other providers are unable to offer in a timely manner then the local authority will have funding/resource panels that may be able to fund these services privately.

Please ensure that you receive a copy of all assessments. If it does go to an ICPC (initial child protection conference) it is important that the Social Worker shares the report with you a couple of days in advance to give you time to read and digest the information & to check it contains no factual errors. They should not simply present this report to you at conference.

If you feel you are not getting anywhere then make a formal complaint and be persistent.

Ignore the posters making hurtful comments. None of us are perfect or have the perfect families. Families from all backgrounds inc police, doctors, teachers, social workers etc have children subject to CIN/CP plans or children who are accommodated.

Italian his behaviour isn't quite in that category IYSWIM but stressful nonetheless. It's more the problems he gets into that causes me worry.

Glad you are taking this seriously. Now please PUSH PUSH PUSH for it to be resolved. Your language is still very passive. Your DD decided not to come home; your DS does what he likes.

If you don't insist on them pressing charges against your DS, they won't. If you don't insist on him being treated, they won't. You have to do your best parenting here. You have to scream and scream and scream. It's not enough to just shrug your shoulders and take it when your DD's life is on the line.

Well said rolo I want OP to follow your advice

Marieliala what's the latest, please share as much as you feel able to.

I feel that something in the last few days was a lightbulb moment, was it this thread? If so I am so pleased? If it was something else, I am so pleased too. Whatever it was that decided to make you have another attempt at getting your son out of your house and under control.

HONESTLY, I feel it will be better for him and you and dd if you pursue this now. Once he is an adult the only options will be for him to be homeless and popping back to assault you or dd, or for you to live this hell for the rest of your life or for hi to be in prison. While he is under 18 there is just he small chance you can get someone to help you.

If this does not get resolved I fear you will lose your daughter.

Please look back through this thread at all the advice you can find and decide what to do next, please update us.

What is happening now, we are and we are here.