To ask what do with my silly sister?

[Onthedowns]

My sister is just 22 married and pregnant with her DH within 18 months. She is youngest very spoilt and was a little bridezilla ish at times with wedding. I am oldest and often get things in the neck if I speak out about her behaviour. This concerns her unborn baby both her and her DH -28 are extremely controlling regarding food don't cook with any oil no carbs. Her wedding day she looked stunning but extremely thin. At 14 weeks pregnant she looked skeletal. Sje was told by midwife she was underweight. She went into premature labour at 26 weeks they managed to stop baby but was in hospital for a week. Baby measuring small and consultant said only reason she didn't give birth was baby wasn't big enough to press down. She went on a cruise then a week in France didn't tell hospital, almost like she blocked it all out. Whilst on holiday she had a pedometer and hardly ate anything salads no carbs etc. She went to consultant yesterday who told her she needs growth scan every week and monitoring twice a week. Baby is just over 3oz at 31+4. It's likely they will induce her as baby better off out than in. Baby unlikely to reach 5oz even full term. I know premature labour happens often for no reason- my son was born at 35 weeks and in scbu for 3. However no one seems to be able to get through to her sisters mum she needs to be eating for growth! She's more concerned over her appearance and her DH encourages it. I am so frustrated with her and don't know what to do! My mum hates the confrontation with her and just ignores it same with my dad. Me and my sister try but falls on deaf ears! I am angry with her DH for not realising the gravity of the situation and don't know whether she is plain stupid or naive ! Help please!

I have birth at 32 weeks, ds was 3lb 9 and they said that was a great weight, so 3lbs at 30 weeks sounds about right, doesn't it?

Well different consultants I suppose?

Am I allowed to contact health professionals on her behalf? Isn't it confidential? X

Do you know who her health professionals are?

You cannot contact her health professionals and speak on behalf of your sister not her unborn child. If you tried to do this, a health professional who is behaving in a professional manner would not take you as having spoken for your sister or her unborn child in any case.

What you can do is contact your sister's health professional, make it clear who you are and who your sister is - have her name, address and date of birth to hand, perhaps, to ensure that the information you share is connected to the correct patient - and inform the health professionals of the concerns you have raised.

They may or may not take any action, but this is something that you can do. If your sister finds out that you have done this, there may or may not be fallout for you and your relationship with her, so you might want to think carefully before taking any action.

My HCP have been contacted on my behalf a number of times when friends or relatives had concerns about me.

The HCP should not give you information about your sister nor her baby without your sister's specific consent. That is where the confidentiality comes into it.

I am not saying that you ought to do this. I am explaining what it is that you can and cannot do.

She went on a cruise then a week in France didn't tell hospital, almost like she blocked it all out
I haven't RTFT yet but I just want to say that this in itself was incredibly dangerous.

What would she have done if she had gone into premature labour again on a cruise ship??

Baby is just over 3oz at 31+4. It's likely they will induce her as baby better off out than in. Baby unlikely to reach 5oz even full term
I really hope that you meant to put pounds (lbs) instead of ozs.

There would have been a doctor on board and presumably her medical insurance would've covered being air lifted to land? I did some daft things when pregnant too looking back. She probably did block it all out,not unusual I don't think.

Am I allowed to contact health professionals on her behalf? Isn't it confidential? X
You could write a letter to your sister's doctor detailing your concerns.

However, they would not be able to discuss your sister with you.

If your sister finds out that you have gone behind her back then she would probably be very angry with you and it may be the end of your relationship.

However if you really believe that your sister's doctor should know about your concerns then I think that you should write the letter.

There would have been a doctor on board and presumably her medical insurance would've covered being air lifted to land?

I think your overestimating the medical facilities on board a cruise ship and the practicalities of trying to airlift someone to shore.

Why would the baby be 'better out than in?' I thought it was best to stay pregnant as long as possible unless there is a specific concern,which there doesn't seem to be apart from the mother to be not eating much.

There would have been a doctor on board and presumably her medical insurance would've covered being air lifted to land?
Unless she had notified her travel insurers about the fact that she had already had issues with threatened premature labour then I doubt that her travel insurance would have covered it.

Ah yes,I suppose you're right wrt insurance.

Is the baby 3 lbs not ounces? They can get weight very wrong.

Bandeau wind your neck in.

Bandeau wind your neck in.

It's in, i was done, I had finished commenting. Why did you have to engage me again if you don't want me to post?

😂😂😂😂😂@ Babdeau. You want to argue with me now?

You engaged me you spoke directly to me. You addressed a comment to me. I didn't engage you.

Am I not supposed to respond when you address a comment to me?

😂😂😂😂

not sure what's going on but glad you're having fun.

I can't see what harm would come from you OP, telling the medical staff about your concerns, just bear in mind that they won't be able to tell you anything, so it will be a one way conversation as it were. You absolutely care dearly about your sister and there isn't anything wrong with that.

I think there could be a lot of harm done to the the relationship with the sister if she is seen to go behind her back and it is unlikely to do any good.

The OP plainly has zero respect for her sister, so why would her interference be welcomed? The sister is an adult and making her own decisions. Perhaps less judgement and more support may be some actual use?

I don't agree at all with those who say that you shouldn't say something to he health professionals. OP, I know how I would feel if I said nothing, and let this unhealthy situation continue, and my sister gives birth to a poorly baby, who could have been helped? I know what I would do, some people, like your sister, need protecting from themselves. Your sister behaviour sounds self destructive in many ways. Good luck

Maybe op's sister is immature, vain and silly or maybe she does have mental health issues, we don't know , and everyone has to earn respect. Maybe op's sister has lost the respect that OP has for her due to her ridiculous behaviour, maybe not, we don't know!

why would her interference be welcomed?

Her interference may not be welcomed. Another poster suggested that OP contacting her sister's health professionals might be the end of OP's relationship with her sister. This might indeed be the case. It might not be, but it might. It depends on the relationship between OP and her sister. Her sister may not find out that OP has contacted HCP about her. There may have already been MH input into OP's sister's care. Who knows?

I have lots of respect for my sister but we are talking about her and her child's health. Sorry I meant 3lb. The consultant has said growth would be better outside than in. It's not just weight it's other issues that might be wrong with baby if ds is not eating right food groups etc.

Are you absolutely sure a consultant obstetrician said exactly that?