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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Men in changing rooms

495 replies

TheWernethWife · 04/06/2017 11:24

Went shopping yesterday, popped into a well known women's shop and there was a man in the changing room. When I asked why he was there the assistant looked at me like I had three heads and said he was probably helping his wife and most people wouldn't be bothered. Well I was bloody bothered.

OP posts:
DJBaggySmalls · 04/06/2017 12:44

If you need help from your husband or a carer no one is stopping you.

At the same time no one should be silenced from saying they are uncomfortable and asking questions. As for the man sitting outside his wifes cubicle, it would be reasonable to be concerned for her safety.

Original poster
TheWernethWife · 04/06/2017 12:46

Many differing opinions on here. Wasn't aware if wife was disabled, there was lots of him toing and froing into the store and standing chatting with his wife and the assistant. As a lady in her sixties, I just found it very strange, not had this before.

OP posts:
AdalindSchade · 04/06/2017 12:46

Bingo? Confused

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 04/06/2017 12:48

Why do we have to 'get a grip'?
I have plenty of grips thanks.
I still don't want men hanging about in a changing room

That doesn't mean I think I am so desirable any man wouldn't be able to help themselves
It doesn't mean I am a prude
It doesn't mean i hate men

It means I think I have the right to take my clothes off without a man being able to see me do it

Yep,I agree.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 04/06/2017 12:49

Ffs bold fail Hmm

noeffingidea · 04/06/2017 12:50

men have to put up with this all the time with women hanging around dressing rooms. Hanging around the entrance, or inside? That does make a difference, IMO. But women shouldn't be inside men's changing rooms either.
As for his wife needing help, that's only relevant if she is disabled and the husband is her carer, or acting as her carer. Ideally there would be a disabled changing room for this situation, though that isn't always possible in smaller shops.If you're not disabled then you don't need help to try some clothes on. Whatever next, taking hubby into the toilet with them to help them wipe their arse?

chickenowner · 04/06/2017 12:50

Ipigglemustdie

does he look like a potential sex offender?

What exactly does a potential sex offender look like?

What an unbelievably STUPID thing to say.

SauvignonBlanche · 04/06/2017 12:53

Birdsgottaf1y, I meant to at the time but forgot once I got home. Blush

It was really odd and could have alienated a lot of their teenage customers. The assistant looked oblivious.

user1492958275 · 04/06/2017 12:57

Eh. I don't see the issue myself. Would you feel the same if there was a openly honest lesbian standing in there? Or is that ok because she is a female, even though quite frankly they could peak at you all the same or do whatever your worried this man is doing?

It's a shop, it's a cubicle, your hardly going to get raped and murdered, filmed, assaulted, or even looked at when there is an assistant right there, cameras outside the rooms and a wife in the next cubicle!

Even if the worst was to happen and you was trying on a dress he would see no more of you than you'd dare to bare at the swimming center, or the beach. I doubt he was there hoping to get a peak at some womans back.

I get that people are frightened of men for many reasons but this is just silly. What on earth do you think he is going to do?

bigbluebus · 04/06/2017 13:00

Reminded me of the time I foolishly tried on a Gok Wan body con dress in Sainsbury's changing room and got stuck in it. I couldn't get it back over my shoulder blades. The assistant on the till next to the changng rooms was a young lad! What was even worse was when I peeped out of the curtain to see if DH was standing in the vicinity, I discovered that DH was happily chatting with this assistant as it was someone he knew through work!. Thankfully I eventually managed to wriggle free from the dress whilst almost dislocating my shoulder, which hurt for weeks afterwards.

FrancisCrawford · 04/06/2017 13:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigsDOfly · 04/06/2017 13:03

I often go shopping with my DD and if we're both trying on clothes we'll come out of the cubicle to show the other one what something looks like. Clearly many changing rooms are set up for women to come out of the cubicles and look at themselves in a roomier place as they will often have a large mirror at one end and the lighting will be better.

I suspect a lot of women would feel very uncomfortable doing this is if a strange man was standing around.

As pps have said, it's a space for women, women should be allowed that space and be allowed to feel comfortable in it.

ThatWouldBeGreat · 04/06/2017 13:03

Well something like this would not bother me, it is pretty rare that a guy would go into a women's changing room for the wrong reasons.

If I were to see a guy in there I would automatically think he is waiting for his daughter or helping out his partner.

Original poster
TheWernethWife · 04/06/2017 13:04

User 149 - what did I think he was going to do? That's not what my original post was about. Just found it strange that a man was wandering in and out chatting to wife and assistant. Will change my choice of store in the future.

OP posts:
noeffingidea · 04/06/2017 13:05

user he doesn't have to 'do' anything. Some people just like privacy away from the opposite sex when they get undressed. If the changing room is labelled 'women' then just to expect women in it is a reasonable assumption, :vice versa with a 'mans' changing room.
If people aren't going to respect that, then why fucking bother having seperate changing rooms in the first place? Might as well just have one big mixed changing room.
Though of course they'd probably lose custom if they did that, because many people (both male and female) do prefer sex segregated changing rooms.

Elisheva · 04/06/2017 13:06

I get that people are frightened of men for many reasons but this is just silly. What on earth do you think he is going to do?

He is going to make me feel uncomfortable, which I do not expect to feel in a Women's changing room.

user1492958275 · 04/06/2017 13:07

Disturbing?? Ffs. What a description!

So precious we are as females, eh?

Cause all men are perverts and just wanna see some a lady in her finest underwear provocatively taking her tshirt off and slipping into something more..t shirty.

user1492958275 · 04/06/2017 13:09

Why on earth would it make you uncomfortable? He can't see you!

And so what if you come out to use the big mirror after? You're still coming out fully dressed to check yourself out.

Utterly ridiculous IMO.

pigsDOfly · 04/06/2017 13:09

It's got nothing to do with fear of being raped or murdered or any of the other things you mention User, or a fear of men generally or whether they might look at the women in a strange manner. These things would never occur to me if I saw a man in a women's changing room.

It's a space for women. It's a women's changing room therefore men don't belong in it.

TheFirstMrsDV · 04/06/2017 13:09

So many attempts to make women feel foolish for objecting on this thread.

This is what society does to our daughters. Makes them feel silly if they are uncomfortable with situations.
And we know where that leads.

I am not afraid of men in changing rooms.
I don't think they are going to rape me.

I shouldn't have to go to those extremes to be able to say 'I don't want men around when I am taking my clothes off'

And Wtf does an 'openly honest lesbian' look like?

aModernApproach · 04/06/2017 13:09

What were you bothered about OP? What exactly was the issue with him being there?

TheFirstMrsDV · 04/06/2017 13:11

Users threads are a prime example of using ridicule to try and shut women up.

Pathetic tactic. Shows a lack of actual thought.

KurriKurri · 04/06/2017 13:11

It's a shop, it's a cubicle, your hardly going to get raped and murdered, filmed, assaulted, or even looked at when there is an assistant right there, cameras outside the rooms and a wife in the next cubicle!

You may not get assaulted but you may be made to feel uncomfortable or uneasy. I have good reasons to be wary of men , I want to be able to try on clothe behind a curtain without feeling that man is hovering nearby. There is no reason for a man to be there. Just because you are OK with something don't assume everyone who isn't OK with it is needs to get a grip.
Why on earth should women have to put up with men hanging round when they are getting changed?

user1492958275 · 04/06/2017 13:12

And Wtf does an 'openly honest lesbian' look like?

Well she doesn't, does she?

Same way a pervert looks no different to your husband/son/average male.

That's why I said an open lesbian. As in, someone who will tell you she is a lesbian.

Would you get changed in front of a lesbian you don't know?

Why is that different, she is as attracted to you as that strangers husband is.

noeffingidea · 04/06/2017 13:12

user not everyone agrees with you and their opinions and feelings on privacy are just as valid as yours.
And, hate to break it to you, but some men are perverts and some of these perverts do find their way into women's changing rooms.

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