Men in changing rooms

[TheWernethWife]

Went shopping yesterday, popped into a well known women's shop and there was a man in the changing room. When I asked why he was there the assistant looked at me like I had three heads and said he was probably helping his wife and most people wouldn't be bothered. Well I was bloody bothered.

I worry for my son growing up in a world where men are always treated as something to be afraid of, that a man can't stand around practically anywhere without being labelled as creepy.

I worry for my girl growing up in a world where women are being told to get over their discomforts and give up their female spaces to accommodate men.

I worry about the fact that women that object to sharing a space meant for females are being told they are 'hysterical' (nice bit of misogyny there) and need to think of what the MEN want.

The comments that she might be disabled and need help can be trotted out as much as people like, but the fact remains that the assistant didn't appear to know or care why he was there. He felt entitled to wander up and down the changing room, not giving a shit about how the other women felt, but that's ok, because there are enough women who will throw the majority of females under a bus, just to show how modern and pc they are. 😒

What if the OP was from a conservative family which doesn't allow this level of interaction with men? I have a conservative Christian friend who certainly wouldn't have been able to get changed in there.

And again, it's a WOMEN'S changing room. Not an anyone who fancies wandering in changing room. Quite frankly, I'm getting pissed off with being expected to put men's feelings first with shit like this.

"don't want a random assistant seeing certain parts of me. I don't care what anyone else thinks tbh."

Maybe similar to women and girls not keen on random men seeing certain parts of them - in the female changing area?

Saying that, I doubt many women would have an issue with a man accompanying their disabled partner or daughter into one of the larger disabled changing areas.

Francis I seem to have really upset you with my lesbian comment.

My sister is a lesbian. She isn't an open lesbian, ie, unless your close to her circle you would not know she is in a relationship with a woman. She doesn't tell many and refers to 'partner' instead of girlfriend etc.

My fav cousin is a lesbian also, she don't care she cuts her hair short, checks out women is very very crass and openly loud about who she is, she will come on to any woman she sees and fancies regardless of whom is watching. She basically don't give a shit.

Probably the 2 closest people to me are lesbians and are completely different!

If you met my sister you wouldn't think twice, but if you feel awkward about a man you would damn well feel awkward about my cousin being next to you, too!

It's a totally acceptable question to ask and you seem to have taken great offence to it seeing as you keep pushing it in every comment you make.

FrancisCrawford I don't understand why you are asking me to share sources you are the only one on this thread that has made a comment on what I've said, and I really don't know why you are comparing this to the terrorist attacks, and both things are not linked.

Monsoon in Cardiff allow men into the female changing room and it puts me off so I no longer go shopping there.

Please enlighten us regarding what a potential sex offender looks like

Jimmy Saville.

Thanks PovertyPain ... You speak for me.

I don't see any problem when it's individual cubicles.

As for why he (or anyone else) would "need" to be in there with wife/friend. When I was a child and went shopping with my mum, there were always proper assistants in fitting rooms. They were there to assist, not just to make sure people didn't steal anything. They would help with zips and fastenings if required, and would go out into the shop to get different sizes or styles if required. You don't get that any more. If you are shopping on your own you have to get dressed again and venture out yourself. It is a nuisance and time-consuming.

So if I had a husband and he came shopping with me i would want him on hand to help with these things that the "assistants" rarely do.

I've never been in a changing room where the curtain close properly- they all gape at the edges.

One of the stores I go to is like that, and the changing cubicles open directly out onto the shopfloor, never mind being in their own room at least.

FWIW I think men should stay outside if the room itself is designated as womens, and vice versa. So NBU. I'm a bit surprised to hear about husbands who wouldn't.

user you aren't really explaining yourself very well.
Your cousin is still a woman , having short hair and being out doesn't alter that. There's nothing wrong with being 'approached' or even being eyed up by another woman, as long as they are polite and respect the other person's boundaries. If she was being loud and threatening in a woman's changing room then she might be ejected, but for those reasons , not for being an out (I presume you mean butch or masculine presenting) lesbian.
A lesbian has exactly the same right as any other woman to be in a woman's changing room, no matter how she looks.

Bamba - yes it very much would bother me if I made anyone uncomfortable, it has just never occurred to me before that I was.

Will definitely be standing outside from now on, just hope we don't come home with trousers that barely reach below his knees like we did last time I did this!

I think if someone needs their husband as the carer, he goes in to the bigger cubicle with her and stays there. Any getting further sizes etc can be done by the assistant.

29palms wow, seriously? The only time I've ever required assistance dressing myself or trying clothes on as an adult was when I tried on a very pouffy bridesmaid dress, and that was at the shop's insistence.
I just can't fathom needing help trying on and buying clothes.
Disclaimer - yes I know some people are disabled and need assistance.

I agree with spikes ball, if a carer is needed then they stay inside the cubical and ask the assistant to fetch any other sizes etc. No need for walking around and shows respect to the women around.

If I want the opinion of someone on what I'm trying on I would walk out of the changing room to the shop (obviously the bit of the shop close to the changing rooms) and ask them what they thought. Generally though I don't need the opinion of man on what I choose - I choose what I like and what feels comfortable.

So many people on here upset by the idea of a man giving advice / opinions to his wife! Do you really never go shopping with a friend or family member and have an "ooh I sort of like this but not sure about the colour - what do you think?" moment?? It doesn't make you a stepford wife just because you ask for a second opinion on an item of clothing ffs
Also wouldn't be bothered by a man in there clearly with his partner, and "chaperoned" by an assistant. What did you think he was going to do to you, OP?

I really don't think it is an issue. I'm quite surprised that the general consensus is that it is!

we've not quite reached the stage where I trach him not to disrespect women and not to disrespect women and stand in their personal space because we're far too prescious for that.
You really don't get it, do you?
It's allowing women (and men too) privacy when they are in certain situations. If you consider that is 'precious' then fine, but don't expect others to feel the same way.
If you teach your son that it's fine for him to go into spaces marked 'women' , (obviously over a certain age, 8 or whatever) then you are being a shit parent. You are teaching him to over ride other people's rights and wishes.
As for your homophobia, it would be nice to hope that you don't pass that on to your son, but I'm not hopeful on that count.

Fernanie
Agreed.

Maybe he identifies as a woman

Fernanie if I wanted a second opinion I would walk to the waiting area in front of the changing room.

Lots of shops just have changing rooms though, no men and women's. Last time I tried something on the lady said 'he can go with you' I thought it was a bit random but at least I got his feedback then !

So many people on here upset by the idea of a man giving advice / opinions to his wife! Do you really never go shopping with a friend or family member and have an "ooh I sort of like this but not sure about the colour - what do you think?" moment?? It doesn't make you a stepford wife just because you ask for a second opinion on an item of clothing ffs

No one upset about this - as I said I don't find it necessary, but appreciate others may.
So if it is a woman friend or family member who's opinion you want - no problem with them being in a womens changing room anyway. If it is a man then as has been said you go to the entrance way step just outside and ask your male companion what he thinks.

A person's need to have a male opinion when buying clothing does not trump women's right to feel safe in a designated women's changing area.

If I am out shopping with my younger brother (18) and am trying something on he will come in to the changing rooms. He has ASD (Aspergers) and is not doing any harm - he sits on the wee stool things provided and mucks about on his phone. I don't see an issue - there was an assistant there who was keeping an eye on things and it's not like the man was peeping into cubicles! Just choose the one furthest from him if it bothers you.