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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Men in changing rooms

495 replies

TheWernethWife · 04/06/2017 11:24

Went shopping yesterday, popped into a well known women's shop and there was a man in the changing room. When I asked why he was there the assistant looked at me like I had three heads and said he was probably helping his wife and most people wouldn't be bothered. Well I was bloody bothered.

OP posts:
Summerisdone · 04/06/2017 12:27

I really don't see the issue. If the man was in there randomly and on his own then yeah, I'd have been concerned.
The fact he was in their with his wife though wouldn't have been an issue to me, she could have wanted him in there to offer his opinion on what she was trying on, it does not mean her was trying to sneak a peak through the curtains.
In fact it probably didn't interest him in the slightest to attempt to look through the little gap a curtain may leave; not everyone with a penis is a big sleazy pervert.

SuperFlyHigh · 04/06/2017 12:27

If a man or woman wanted to help their spouse or partner in a changing room then that's fine, but it would be nice if they clearly told an assistant or the other people changing around them.

How would men like it if women suddenly started hanging around in changing rooms? they'd probably love it?!

Bambambini · 04/06/2017 12:28

Some shop changing rooms are crap though, can't close the curtains properly and i sometimes open up he curtains while partially undressed to ask for assistance from the attendant.

I mixed sex changing rooms in likes of Gap, asda ir TKmaxx but their cubicles have locking doors and you know what the deal is.

TheFirstMrsDV · 04/06/2017 12:29

Why do we have to 'get a grip'?
I have plenty of grips thanks.
I still don't want men hanging about in a changing room.

That doesn't mean I think I am so desirable any man wouldn't be able to help themselves
It doesn't mean I am a prude
It doesn't mean i hate men

It means I think I have the right to take my clothes off without a man being able to see me do it.

Bambambini · 04/06/2017 12:29

Or "i use mixed sex changing rooms"

YouWhatMate · 04/06/2017 12:31

It is a woman's space therefore a man should not be in it

Presumably the shop decides on that, and they are obviously okay with men and women both using the space.

As somebody else said, vote with your feet and shop elsewhere. OP.

Cocolepew · 04/06/2017 12:31

Nobody knows what a sex offender looks like.
That's why women need a space of their own to get undressed in.

Nikephorus · 04/06/2017 12:31

I wouldn't have a problem if they were waiting in the bit where the assistants hover just so that they could give an opinion on wife's new outfit, but I would if they were wandering up & down past the cubicles. And the assistant should have known which it was, not said 'probably'.

ExConstance · 04/06/2017 12:32

But surely everyone buying clothes will have more clothes on in the changing rooms than they would on the beach. I've never seen anyone parading about half naked when there are individual cubicles. When my mother needs a bit of help with a zip or getting her arm in a sleeve when she goes clothes shopping I help, don't see why my brother should not be able to do the same.

Birdsgottaf1y · 04/06/2017 12:33

""This happened in New Look.""

All of our branches, here in Liverpool do not allow men in, so Email Customer Services.

There would be Service Users who would refuse to go in,if a man was in there and a Woman shouldn't be prevented from shopping because she has to put up with a man in the changing room.

That is aside from the fact that other Women don't want him there, so he shouldn't be.

Birdsgottaf1y · 04/06/2017 12:35

""When my mother needs a bit of help with a zip or getting her arm in a sleeve when she goes clothes shopping I help, don't see why my brother should not be able to do the same.""

Because other Women don't want him in there and the assistant will help.

WillowWeeping · 04/06/2017 12:36

A couple of weeks ago my DH casually mentioned to me that he had taken DD (5) into the women's changing rooms to try on some clothes. I was horrified. He was genuinely confused.

As a decent man who had never seen himself as a danger to anyone it took quite some explaining to make him appreciate that it wasn't about him but that the other women needed their own space.

exWifebeginsat40 · 04/06/2017 12:37

Today 12:20 AdelindSchade

Maybe he identified as a woman? I hope you're not being a transphobic bigot and assuming someone who looks like a man can't be a woman!

BINGO!

Yewtown · 04/06/2017 12:38

Maybe the woman had dementia or a disability which meant she needed assistance with fastenings. My fil used to help my mil. He certainly had no interest in anyone else. So depending on the circumstances yabu

Oysterbabe · 04/06/2017 12:39

TBH it wouldn't have occurred to me to care, I tend to change with the curtain closed.

Crinkle77 · 04/06/2017 12:39

As long as there were individual cubicles it wouldn't bother me.

Birdsgottaf1y · 04/06/2017 12:39

There have been men caught videoing under doors in, changing rooms, sun bed shops, on public transport (from floor level), in mixed toilets.

If every case got a custodial sentence, i'd be more likely to say, discretion can be shown. But the law doesn't clearly back up the principle that we are not here for men's wants (and men aren't taking to the streets in protest), so until then, it's Women only, in Women only spaces.

Spikeyball · 04/06/2017 12:39

I think it is reasonable to say no men as long as there is a member of staff available who can give the required help.

TheFirstMrsDV · 04/06/2017 12:39

Whether a man is a sex offender or not is not really the issue.
I deserve privacy.
As does everyone else.
I don't think many men would be happy with women in men's changing areas.

I've never seen anyone parading about half naked...
What does 'parading' have to do with anything?
If someone is parading I would assume they were quite happy with people looking at them.
The fact that women in changing rooms are usually struggling to get changed in a small, badly concealed space, makes them less likely to be happy about being seen.
Don't you think?

melj1213 · 04/06/2017 12:39

Depends on the set up of the dressing room area tbh.

If it's just cubicles then YANBU because they could easily wait out of the cubicle area, unless they were bringing their SO a different size or something and the assistant wasn't available to act as go between.

If there's cubicles and a seating/waiting area just inside the general fitting room area, with mirrors and chairs so it's clearly a space for partners/friends to wait and for the shopper to come out to and check their outfit while showing their friend/SO then YABU to be annoyed that there is a man in that area.

BTG3385 · 04/06/2017 12:40

Men have to put up with this all the time with women hanging around dressing rooms.

expatinscotland · 04/06/2017 12:40

What MrsD said. And it's a changing room, not a beach.

justmetwice · 04/06/2017 12:40

What about the women who want him there? I get extremely annoyed when there are whole groups of women around the cubicles but I can't have my husband help because he is a man. It is either only people (men/women) who are trying things on who can go in (and anyone who wants to show a friend/partner/whoever can go outside) or men and women can go in (as long as they are with someone)

GabsAlot · 04/06/2017 12:40

i was in h and m couple of weeks ago with my dsis-man wa sitting in the seat opposite his wifes cubicle

fair enough it had a door on it but the women walking past kept looking at him uncomfrotably

AnyFucker · 04/06/2017 12:42

"Did he look like a potential sex offender"

Top prize for most stupid comment goes to that one.

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