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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel like I can't work with pregnant service user?

180 replies

Isthismummy · 02/06/2017 20:25

I work as a support worker for adults with learning disabilities. Today I have just been informed by my manager via email that one of my main service users, a woman in her mid twenties, is pregnant. The father also has LD and it's a very delicate situation.

I've been fruitlessly trying for a baby for over a year and was recently diagnosed with premature ovarian failure. It's been the worst year of my life and some days I can barely hold it together. There have been some dark, dark moments.

I am this young woman's main worker and she makes up the bulk of my hours (zero hours contract) I will now basically be expected to support her with this pregnancy, probably from scans, to mothercare shopping and through until after the baby is born.

I cannot do it. I'm a strong person, but this is the one scenario my mental health just isn't up to coping with. I'm in tears just thinking about having to deal with it.

AIBU? I feel like I'm going to have to talk to my manager, but it's such a deeply personal thing to discuss.

I just don't feel strong enough for thisSad

OP posts:
FlossyMooToo · 03/06/2017 06:28

Infertility is vicious Sad

I have the greatest sympathy for anyone going through it I cannot even imagine the hurt,anger and frustration people feel.

At the same time it saddens me that my fertility would cause somebody to not speak to me or work with me because of something I cannot control. It feels spiteful and not something I could do to an innocent person.

I think you are doing the right thing OP. I am not sure you would be able to support this lady as she deserves and for you to recognise that shows you do care for her.
Seeing pregnant women in the street is very different to working 1 :1 with somebody 12 hours a day. Flowers

christinarossetti · 03/06/2017 06:44

OP isn't being 'spiteful'. She's not wishing anyone ill. On the contrary, she wants this person to be properly supported and knows that, at the moment, she's not best placed to do it.

FlossyMooToo · 03/06/2017 06:50

I didnt say she was. I said it feels spiteful to have somebody suddenly not speak to you or want to be around you.

Did you read my post?

roodienoodiefoodie · 03/06/2017 07:08

Rolo... are you serious?! You're now trying to guilt op into staying in this role in case a change of worker means the service user loses custody? That's a disgraceful post. Tenuous and cruel

MargaretCavendish · 03/06/2017 07:12

If there's a chance she receives subpar care because of the change, then it's not really acceptable

OP isn't a slave and so she can leave her job for any reason she like. If she had been successful in her attempts to get pregnant and would be leaving this service user because she was going off on mat leave no one would suggest that that was morally unacceptable and that she'd just have to keep working with her no matter the impact on her own life.

Flossy note how you said that you had sympathy with infertility then immediately made it all about how you feel as a fertile woman and how you just know that you'd be nicer than infertile women if you were in their situation. I think you might not have all the empathy that you imagine you do.

OutComeTheWolves · 03/06/2017 07:20

I'm shocked at some of the responses on her tbh. I feel like some people are deliberately misinterpreting your words. I've never suffered from infertility but I hope I have enough empathy to realise that it heartbreaking and pervades all aspects of your life.

For what it's worth, I'm in the 'fuck it' school of thought when it comes to work. Jobs are important but no where near as important as looking after yourself and your own mental wellbeing. I don't think there's any shame in telling your boss that you're unable to do that particular job. I should give the disclaimer though that work martyrs who think their job comes above all else are really not my kind of people! (I'm not suggesting you are btw more the people who think you should just 'be professional)

grasspigeons · 03/06/2017 07:30

I hope there is someone else in your team who can support this service user as I totally get this isn't something you can do. Going to someone else's scans when you are coming to terms with your infertility would mean you couldn't give the support needed. I know this is totally different but I was a legal secretary after leaving school and I was moved out the matrimonial department when my parents were divorcing as the solicitor thought it would be hard for me (I was 16 and living at home) I went and did conveyancing instead.

Cloudhopping · 03/06/2017 07:34

YANBU. Although I've never had fertility issues, I understand completely and anybody with an ounce of empathy would too. You are only human and this is just a job. There must be colleagues who can support this lady, and other service users who you would be able to give effective care to instead. Totally reasonable.

tabithaa · 03/06/2017 07:37

I think it's best that you speak to your manager as I don't think it's fair on either of you.

Crusoe · 03/06/2017 07:42

As someone who experienced premature ovarian failure in their teens I hear you and understand you OP.
Speak to your manager and explain. You shouldn't have to put yourself in such a distressing situation. I wouldn't be able to do it either.
Heartfelt sympathy OP. Infertility sucks.

Gingerbreadmam · 03/06/2017 07:42

i'm so sorry about your fertility issues and completely understand how you feel.

I take it you have a good relationship with the person you are supporting and like her?

i only ask as i have been in a similar situation, had an mmc then stillbirth. returned to work and a close colleague was pregnant within the year. 37 hours of listening to someone talk about their pregnancy, the good and the bad, was horrendous.

Eventually i spoke to my seniors at work and just telling someone else how it felt helped much more than i expected.

I guess what i am saying is speak to your manager so she is aware but carry on supporting and see how it goes?

FlossyMooToo · 03/06/2017 08:01

Margaret am I not allowed feelings?

I think its important that people know how their actions effect others. Why is it ok to treat people badly just because they have something you dont? Its not ok in any other part of life so why should infertility give somebody are free pass?

I do have empathy I am just not blind with it. Sorry if that offends you but i would not be cruel to somebody just because they have what I dont.

MargaretCavendish · 03/06/2017 08:03

Well, it's easy to take the moral high ground when it's not actually you, isn't it?

swingofthings · 03/06/2017 08:04

I suffered from infertility and I so can understand how you feel. The overwhelming desire to have a child brings an intensity to negative feelings that even most of those experiencing it struggle to understand.

Like most, I took becoming a mum for granted and was lucky to have two children with my ex. We separated, met a wonderful man who had waited to meet the one to have children with. I very much wanted more children and thought I'd hit the jackpot, even more so than despite being 38, I fell pregnant first month trying. It led to a miscarriage and then the fall to the abyss as we discovered that my fertility was seriously compromised as well as OH sperm count and quality being low and that me falling pregnant in the first place had been an absolute miracle.

I found myself where people suffering from infertility end up. Obsessed, depressed, jealous, envious and bitter, of course all well hidden except to those close enough to understand that those feelings don't define you as a person.

My slap in the face didn't come from work but from my ex. He was a crap father (loving dad, but only taking on the fun part of parenting leaving me all the duties and responsibilities attached to it, including financial as he didn't pay a penny) and got together with a mum whose children lived mainly with their dad but she claimed benefits for them as a single mum. They had together four children and didn't support any of them financially but that didn't stop them trying for a 5th one and at the exact time OH and I were told that her chance of becoming parents together was almost non existent and we had to decide whether to invest in ICSI knowing that with my age, our chance of a successful pregnancy, after 3 attempts, at a total cost over £10K was still below 20%. We decided not to go for it.

The sense of injustice and bitterness ate me inside. Experiencing listening to my kids' excitement every time they came back from their visit was crucifying and all the efforts to pretend I was happy for them exhausted me. I dreaded the announcement of the birth, and then seeing the pictures that my kids wanted to share.

What I did find though that going through it actually made it easier o get over the pain because it became normality. The people I thought the less deserving of being parents were so and accepting it and dealing with it however painful made me grieve quicker and indeed, gradually, with time, as I went through my own battle, the negative feelings slowly receded as I started to focus on the positives of my life.

This to the point where I felt no envy, resentment or jealousy at all and could even accept this little person in my life as she became part of that of my children, and a year ago, as she was 4yo, I even welcome her in my life and last Christmas, as I happened to come across a present on sale which I knew she would love from my children, I bought it for her. The sense of appease that came from the realisation that I could do this was immense. It made me grow as a person and made me realise that we are so much stronger than we think we are.

A long post to say OP that you might find that supporting this person might be exactly what will help you with your own battle. It will allow you to see that although she's got what you want more than anything in the world and that it is unfair that she should be the one getting it, her happiness with that gift won't be the same happiness you would experience. She will have her own fears, battles and resentment to go through too and you might find that you are the best person to help her through them because helping her might actually be your way to defuse all your negative feelings that you are keeping inside.

All my heart goes to you and hope that whatever life brings to you, you will be able to find peace and happiness within it.

swingofthings · 03/06/2017 08:06

I think its important that people know how their actions effect others. Why is it ok to treat people badly just because they have something you dont? Its not ok in any other part of life so why should infertility give somebody are free pass?
I missed something, where did OP indicate that she intended to treat that person badly? The destruction that is much more likely to take place internally, not externally.

FlossyMooToo · 03/06/2017 08:09

Well, it's easy to take the moral high ground when it's not actually you, isn't it?

It is not a moral high ground.
I am just not that kind of person why is that a negative for you?

I have had some awful things happen in my life but I did not blame or take my resentment out on innocent people.

I dont condone that behaviour but it does not mean I am not empathic towards the person who is suffering.

FlossyMooToo · 03/06/2017 08:10

swing that was in response to another poster not the OP.

MargaretCavendish · 03/06/2017 08:10

Also, the vast majority of 'cruelty' here seems to flow the opposite way. My SIL is pregnant and I'm genuinely happy for them - but then they were very kind and thoughtful about how it might be hard to hear about their pregnancy (her due date is very near one of my losses), asked whether I'd like to see the scan with it being made clear I could say no, etc. Another 'friend', who knows full well about my situation, won't shut up about how hard being pregnant is. Her pregnancy is all she talks about. So no, I don't think it's cruel of me to avoid her.

MargaretCavendish · 03/06/2017 08:13

Oh, and I've never 'been that kind of person' about anything else before - I'm not a jealous person by nature, and I'm certainly note a spiteful one. One of the many shit things about this is what it does to your sense of the person you are.

FlossyMooToo · 03/06/2017 08:16

We are different people Margaret i dont expect you to agree with me or change how you feel but dont expect that of me either.

TammySwanson · 03/06/2017 08:20

I know it shouldn't need saying but secondary infertility is completely and utterly different from having primary fertility and facing the very real chance of never becoming a mother to a bio kid at all.

Hugs to you isthismummy, I know it's not about being jealous or spiteful, it's about you going through a hideous (and seemingly neverending) grieving process and if you need to step away then do what you have to do - time to think of you rather than anyone else. As a very wise poster said earlier, if you'd been going on maternity leave no one would even bat an eyelid or accuse you of being irresponsible.

swingofthings · 03/06/2017 08:21

As others, I never would have believed I could feel such heighten sense of jealousy and bitterness before I went through it. That's the whole point, the person you find youself becoming is NOT you and that's what is distressing.

You don't want to be bitter, jealous, resentful at all but you are and you don't know what to do so not to be.

Honeybee79 · 03/06/2017 08:22

Sorry you're in this position op. I've been there with infertility and it's heartbreaking and extremely stressful.

As others have said, please speak to your manager. Put your mental health first.

toomuchtooold · 03/06/2017 08:23

No advice here OP, just sympathy. I had recurrent miscarriage and would have found this incredibly hard.

Chattycat78 · 03/06/2017 08:24

I've been on both sides of the fertility/infertility spectrum so I totally get it OP. I had a colleague who wouldn't shut up about being pregnant and had to grit my teeth through millions of announcements when we were doing ivf. I still remember vividly how it made me feel.

I for one don't believe you'd be being cruel or unreasonable to try to move the care of this girl to someone else. In fact you'd be doing her a favour, as you are now unlikely to be the right person to hold her hand through this IMO.

Also, unrelated, but I can't see why you can't get pregnant still if youre still ovulating.

Flowers
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