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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be cummed on?

304 replies

YouAreMySweetestDownfall · 02/06/2017 19:23

My dp does not do condoms and I'm not a fan of the pill. We use the withdrawal method and he, without fail cums somewhere on my body. This was the same with my Xh and most of the blokes I've been with in the past. What do they get out of it? Is it like pudding to mark your territory?

I've mentioned it to my dp and his chilled out self always says 'sure, next time' but then gets 'caught up in the moment, and it ends up somewhere on my body Hmm.

I'm not being unreasonable to resent being covered in someone's body fluids am I?

OP posts:
YourWinter · 03/06/2017 00:27

Fine if you like it. Absolute deal-breaker if you've told him you don't. What a selfish sod. Marking territory was exactly how my ex saw it.

You do both understand that withdrawal is not an intelligent approach to contraception?

Heebejeebees · 03/06/2017 00:28

Keepthenoisedown - hahaha!! I don't care either, but usually I'm sleeping on a towel or changing sheets because I squirt. 😳

AngeloMysterioso · 03/06/2017 00:37

Speaking as someone who is currently upduffed as a result of DP 'withdrawing' I can assure you this method is about as effective as a chocolate teapot.
As for him ejaculating on you... well it's gross, that's true. Wipe it off yourself and onto him, see how much he likes it!

Heebejeebees · 03/06/2017 01:04

Angelo, it's only gross if that's your personal opinion. Not mine.

Oswin · 03/06/2017 02:00

Well it's the ops opinion too. That's the one that matters here. She doesn't like it so he should not do it.

Jesus some of the comments here.
He's not a poor man cuz he's not getting a blow job there times a week.

So what If op doesn't swallow. Fucks sake

MyFavouriteName · 03/06/2017 02:14

Surely OP is compromising by agreeing to sex without condoms because he "doesn't do them". So now he should compromise on where he shoots his load as she doesn't like it on her.

youokayhun · 03/06/2017 02:19

Why is "the withdrawal method" even talked about likes it's a thing? It's not a method it's a risk. I'm not sure why anybody would find this rigmarole a turn on, I quite like my DP doing that just for fun of it so maybe im biased Hmm

metspengler · 03/06/2017 02:19

Still a bit Hmm at blow jobs a treat.

A chance to give dh one would be great (I dont like to receive, but giving an orgasm out of love is just the best).

As for being jizzed on/in/whatever what you feel is the most important thing but isn't getting messy to some extent part of fucking and intimacy when you're married?

Also - use protection!

Flowerdew2 · 03/06/2017 03:52

Some people don't give bj's at all, I have never given my husband one and he is perfectly content. Why does sex have to be a competition now, some people on here do act as if they invented it Hmm

OP I do think that him continuing to finish on you after you saying no is abusive behaviour, not to mention as pps have said, gross! Why isn't he listening to you? He sounds extremely selfish Sad

coconuttella · 03/06/2017 06:37

Yes, the OP has the right to whatever she wants regarding sex, and her DP should respect that, but i'm finding it very odd that so many people think that having cum on their body is so gross... surely it's no more "gross" than having cum jnside you after sex, some of which inevitably dribbles out down your leg afterwards? Not to mention all your juices smeared over your DPs cock whilst he's inside you, or your sweat being exchanged as you rub your bodies against each other, not to mention the saliva exchanged during kissing. Since when has sex been such an antiseptic and clean activity?! I'm amazed some of you have been able to have children with your attitudes!

coconuttella · 03/06/2017 06:45

And as for making DH finish off by himself by quickly removing himself from the action and cum into some kind of recepticle, that seems a very sad way to end a period of intimacy... it would be like a man removing himself from the action and requiring his DP to finish herself off because he felt her orgasm was in some way disgusting... i can't begin to imagine how that man would be torn to shreds on here!

Sparklingbrook · 03/06/2017 08:21

Urgh. That has put me right off my Coco Pops. Sad

PaintingOwls · 03/06/2017 08:47

A chance to give dh one would be great (I dont like to receive, but giving an orgasm out of love is just the best).

This is so sad, you're missing out.

I remember when I "didn't like" oral performed on me, it was because I was self-conscious and the person doing it didn't know what they were doing. Then one fine night I met an expert...Easter Smile

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 03/06/2017 08:51

This is so sad, you're missing out.

I remember when I "didn't like" oral performed on me, it was because I was self-conscious and the person doing it didn't know what they were doing. Then one fine night I met an expert...

That's so fucking patronising. It's not about "finding an expert". If she doesn't like it, she doesn't like it.

dementedma · 03/06/2017 09:05

Sterilised. Sorted! Grin

user1486669405 · 03/06/2017 09:07

To the posters who are saying they got pregnant from using the withdrawal method.....is that because he didn't withdraw in time or from pre-cum?

ProphetOfDoom · 03/06/2017 09:10

I'm still Grin at the Wankee Candle from last night.

But I'm with ImperialBlether, you seriously can't be this blasé about getting pregnant & having another child (18+ years) with all the attendant work & cost??

tiba · 03/06/2017 09:29

I know a woman who refuses to have her long term partner ejaculate in her or on her.

The only type of sex she will consent to is with a condom.

I'm not too sure what will happen when she wants to start a family, but it's still her right to do so despite her DP not being 100% pleased with it

rightwhine · 03/06/2017 09:33

It doesn't sound very respectful if he continuously ignores her wishes. Ok there might be mishaps/leave it too late etc, but to never even try is pretty much saying "I don't care that you don't like it. I'm going to continue because my wishes are more important than yours"

I too think that this attitude may well be evident in other areas of the ops relationship. Ok it sounds much better than previous relationships but this behaviour is pretty disrespectful. Are you sure there aren't other areas where his wishes also trump yours op?

SomewhereInbetween1 · 03/06/2017 09:44

Withdrawal is not as risky as people think as long as you are consistently careful. If you really don't want to use artificial contraception I would highly recommend the fertility awareness method which will help you understand the safest times of your cycle to have sex. Ps, recent studies have largely agreed that there is no sperm in pre cum.

sabs22 · 03/06/2017 10:06

Wow, amazes me in this day and age that grown adults rely on the withdrawal method as contraception! Blush

BartholinsSister · 03/06/2017 10:17

Can't he just pull out and hold his thumb over the end?

Butterymuffin · 03/06/2017 10:18

Still seems like a lot of people on this thread have said they got pregnant after withdrawal.

LuluJakey1 · 03/06/2017 10:19

I never get all the grumbling and yuckyness about semen. It makes sex sound like some people think it should be sterile and hygenic and everything should somehow be 'uncontaminated'.
How do you ever enjoy it if you don't like the intimacy of it- it is inevitably about kissing, saliva, sharing initimate body fluids, sweat, smell. You both put bits of your body (mouth, face, hands, vagina, penis and more) in very intimate contact with each others genitals. The stuff gets everywhere. Surely you have to enjoy all of that to enjoy sex. If you spend the time thinking 'Eww' or about cleaning up afterwards there can be no pleasure?????

user1493759849 · 03/06/2017 10:24

@oswin
Well it's the ops opinion too. That's the one that matters here. She doesn't like it so he should not do it.

Jesus some of the comments here. He's not a poor man cuz he's not getting a blow job there times a week. So what If op doesn't swallow. Fucks sake

I agree. I am sick of peoples judgey comments about how women aren't performing their little wifey duties, (and are 'boring' and 'not adventurous,') if they don't give hubby a BJ at least twice a fucking day, or let him cum down their throats, or squirt it all over their face... Hmm People who judge other people on what they do are wankers basically.