to resent the 'mental load'

[newnameoldme]

i just read the mental load and it gave a name to what i always feel and complain of.. why I and all the other women i know, even those with partners who take on their fair share of parenting voluntarily - we still bear the responsibility of this weight of constantly having to think about everything.
why is everything only our concerns? I resent it both because it's on my back and in my head every minute of the day whilst men are me are largely unfettered by this mental load. I resent that freedom they have!
It's isolating to bear the burden of all this stuff and the resentment overtime poisons relationships.
Do women naturally care more or do we have no choice as men opt out of being bothered by the minutiae of life

The constant expectation to just 'produce' and appropriate present/card at short notice even though I offered to purchase said items for him the weekend before is starting to piss me off - at least I can now point him towards this concept of mental loading

Around the time I got married , my SIL to be sat me down and dictated a list of all the " family " birthdays for my husband's family. Strangely this included 4 his siblings and their 14 children but NOT any of their spouses ( presumably they were not 'real ' family so didn't get presents ).

She didn't bother to even ask for my birthday of course, I was just to be the present buyer, wrapper and sender, not a recipient .

I hope you told her to talk to her sibling, Coral!

Last weekend I was away with the DC visiting family and DH had guests - a couple and two single friends. When I got back I noticed that there was no loo roll in the bathroom or downstairs loo (there hadn't been much left before the weekend). Presumably DH hadn't noticed! I felt really embarrassed about what the guests must've thought, and then thought that was weird because I wasn't even there or hosting!

DD2 (6) noticed immediately, told DH off, and oversaw him replenishing supplies in the cupboard in addition to the bathroom/loo. Taking on the mental load at age 6?

I'm trying, since this thread. Things that are at point x and should be at point y stay at point x until DH moves them, even if it takes him a day or more to notice. I have asked him to do things and left him to it. But still. I've spent the day at Ikea trying to sort our new kitchen. As a result I've only just come home and finished work. I shoved some fish in the oven earlier, but asked DH to do a salad after he came home. The dialogue (over 20 minutes) was something like:

H: So I should make a salad?
Me: Yes please.
H: What should go in it? we eat the same bloody salad every day
Me: Tomatoes, cucumber, lots of lettuce, carrots, and put feta on my half.
H: What about onions?
Me: If you like.
H: We haven't got any onions.
[...]
H: Should I cut the tomatoes large or small?
Me: Up to you.
H: We're running out of cucumber.
Me: Add it to the list.
H: How do you want the feta cut?
[...]
H: Can you come check?
Me: I'm sure it's fine however you've done it.

The man earns a six-figure salary and is responsible for writing the technology that most of you are using right now.