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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To agree to go on a date with this co worker...and then not turn up

126 replies

chloerae · 01/06/2017 21:55

I've spent an entire year putting up with the most annoying co worker in the history of the world. Spent all his time flirting with me (well at me|) I never flirted but he still continued. After a few weeks he then decided he hated me and would tell me how much hotter my work colleagues were than me, make fun of my clothes, my work, my friends, my accent. You name it, he found fault with it. He had a group of stupid women who would follow him around everywhere, feeding his ego and telling him how handsome he is. There were about 9 women in the building that fancied him and would give him tonnes of attention and tried desperately for him to ask them out.

He'd enjoy standing at my desk and informing me about all the co workers he'd shagged, how everyone fancies him, how he's been promoted and how many press ups he'd done at the gym. He would find someone from his harem to flirt with in front of my desk every single day.

He told everyone he didn't like me. I was weird. He didn't fancy me. I was eccentric and 'freaked him out'. His little harem would laugh when he made fun of me. He'd do it in front of my desk so I couldn't walk away. He'd literally put me down in front of his entire group of admirers.

The reality is, he fancied me rotten. Wasn't remotely interested in any of his little harem and only used them to get my attention. Only unfortunately for him I'm wasn't interested. I didn't make a formal complaint as I knew I would be leaving and it didn't really bother me. I think everyone deep down knew he fancied me.

It was my last day in work today and he finally put his pride to one side and sent me an email apologising for his behaviour and asking if I'd like to go for a meal with him and he mentioned this specific place. If I wanted to he'd book it in advance as there's a package with a show and evening meal included.

I've looked online and it costs £200 per person!

I'd rather slit my throat than go for a meal with him. But would I be intrinsically evil to agree to the date....and just not turn up

I'm so tempted. Would it be really, really mean?

OP posts:

theapplesarecoming · 01/06/2017 21:56

It would be so mean.

Why are you lowering yourself to his level?

Original poster

chloerae · 01/06/2017 21:57

It's mean but he's been vile for an entire year and isn't poor. So not THAT bad.

Yeah it's immature but if it stops him doing it to another woman it will be worth it.

OP posts:

Butterymuffin · 01/06/2017 21:58

I wouldn't, because there's always the chance he will then show everyone your response and go 'ha! Knew she was gagging for me'. Just reply and tell him you wouldn't if he was the last man on earth given the way he's behaved and you hope he's nicer to all his future colleagues.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 01/06/2017 21:58

This is bullying. I'd be reporting it

Aridane · 01/06/2017 21:58

Yes - don't sink to his level

CookieLady · 01/06/2017 21:59

Agree with Buttery.

Aridane · 01/06/2017 21:59

Cross post with theapplesarecoming

Original poster

chloerae · 01/06/2017 22:00

Are you mad? I'd only agree by phone call. I'm not that stupid.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 01/06/2017 22:01

Is this about the 3rd time you've posted this guy, or am I thinking of someone else?

CryptoFascist · 01/06/2017 22:02

Go on the date, stuff your face and drink as much as you can while giving monosyllabic answers.
Then report back the outcome (only kidding, stand him up)

Original poster

chloerae · 01/06/2017 22:03

Is this about the 3rd time you've posted this guy, or am I thinking of someone else?

I can assure you, the day I write about this guy three times is the day hell freezes over.

OP posts:

gamerchick · 01/06/2017 22:03

Why would you want him to know he had got to you?

Seriously this one is better ignored completely.

WorraLiberty · 01/06/2017 22:04

Ok, just seems very familiar.

Anyway, no you shouldn't agree to a date and then stand him up, obviously.

Original poster

chloerae · 01/06/2017 22:04

Go on the date, stuff your face and drink as much as you can while giving monosyllabic answers.
Then report back the outcome (only kidding, stand him up)

I couldn't bear to be alone with him for that length of time.

I want to stand him up. I know it's really immature but it would bring me joy

He needs to learn he can't treat people that way.

OP posts:

Jengnr · 01/06/2017 22:04

Write an email to management detailing his behaviour. Write it on the forwarded email he sent you so they can see his admission. Request they deal with his behaviour. Accidentally click 'send to all' just before you leave the building.

Stroll past his desk on your way out of the door and say 'NO, THANK YOU' very loudly.

Shame the fucker, with style.

PenguinOfDoom · 01/06/2017 22:05

I would just say no. I had nearly the same thing with a work colleague when I was a student. Obviously, I was pretty skint and he took great delight in regularly pointing out to me how much his clothes/car/dinner etc cost compared to mine. I just thought he was a massive prick then on my last day he asked me out. I was so surprised I just kind of went 'NO!' in a shocked tone. It was actually pretty funny because he then just said ok and slinked off looking a bit embarrassed.

Pancakeflipper · 01/06/2017 22:05

Don't be mean. Waste no more of time giving him space in your head. You are free (or do you secretly want to sing him?)

Butterymuffin · 01/06/2017 22:05

He can still tell people you've agreed to go. Then he may even be the first to back out. To be honest, you seem a bit daft if you aren't seeing how this could backfire. You have the moral high ground. Keep it.

Run4Fun · 01/06/2017 22:07

Yabv unreasonable, mean and immature to do something so horrible to another person.

Sunshinegirls · 01/06/2017 22:11

I don't think I would reply at all. Ignoring him completely will upset him more.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 01/06/2017 22:11

I'd do absolutely nothing. Ignore the email and ignore him. It would take all my willpower to do this, but it's surely got most satisfying response? He's shown his hand. Don't show yours.

Any more bullshit from him, report him for social harassment. Look at this as the start of building a case against this creepy dickhead, and start recording every time he's inappropriate towards you

SuperBeagle · 01/06/2017 22:13

Just tell him no and why.

No need for the rest of it.

monkeywithacowface · 01/06/2017 22:14

I think the best response would be to ignore him and not respond. People hate to be ignored, it will kill him to know he means so little to you that you won't acknowledge him or his too little too late apology.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 01/06/2017 22:14

Don't stoop to his level no matter how appealing that may feel

Reply by email saying that you are not interesting in going out for dinner with him (or any other form of meal), that you found his behavior awful and not at all attractive. You are not playing hard to get (just in case he gets the wrong idea there too), you are being completely honest with him. You do not want to go out with him and you never did. He has wasted a year on trying to make you interested in him and he has crashed and burned, massively. Epic failure.
I would even include that you were considering getting him to book the restaurant and then not showing up, purely to show him that you can't treat people the way he has, but you are being mature about it and you've decided to just tell him to leave you alone.

Goodness, that's a long reply but I think it would be good to do it by email, just so there is a 'paper trail' if it ever comes back to bite him on the bum!

robinofsherwood · 01/06/2017 22:16

I think I'd just thank him for his apology but his behaviour is all you know about him, so you dont want to get to know him better.

If there's even the slightest risk your professional paths might cross in future dont give him a story where you feature as a total bitch.

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