To agree to go on a date with this co worker...and then not turn up

[chloerae]

I've spent an entire year putting up with the most annoying co worker in the history of the world. Spent all his time flirting with me (well at me|) I never flirted but he still continued. After a few weeks he then decided he hated me and would tell me how much hotter my work colleagues were than me, make fun of my clothes, my work, my friends, my accent. You name it, he found fault with it. He had a group of stupid women who would follow him around everywhere, feeding his ego and telling him how handsome he is. There were about 9 women in the building that fancied him and would give him tonnes of attention and tried desperately for him to ask them out.

He'd enjoy standing at my desk and informing me about all the co workers he'd shagged, how everyone fancies him, how he's been promoted and how many press ups he'd done at the gym. He would find someone from his harem to flirt with in front of my desk every single day.

He told everyone he didn't like me. I was weird. He didn't fancy me. I was eccentric and 'freaked him out'. His little harem would laugh when he made fun of me. He'd do it in front of my desk so I couldn't walk away. He'd literally put me down in front of his entire group of admirers.

The reality is, he fancied me rotten. Wasn't remotely interested in any of his little harem and only used them to get my attention. Only unfortunately for him I'm wasn't interested. I didn't make a formal complaint as I knew I would be leaving and it didn't really bother me. I think everyone deep down knew he fancied me.

It was my last day in work today and he finally put his pride to one side and sent me an email apologising for his behaviour and asking if I'd like to go for a meal with him and he mentioned this specific place. If I wanted to he'd book it in advance as there's a package with a show and evening meal included.

I've looked online and it costs £200 per person!

I'd rather slit my throat than go for a meal with him. But would I be intrinsically evil to agree to the date....and just not turn up

I'm so tempted. Would it be really, really mean?

Is this about the 3rd time you've posted this guy, or am I thinking of someone else?
Worra it seemed reeally familiar to me too.
OP, if he deserves to be shown he can't treat ppl like this, why didn't you make a complaint at work, as it obviously DID bother you. Because you not showing up won't teach him anything at all. If it was so obvious he fancied you I'm surprised no one in the whole office mentioned anything. You're still unhealthily invested, just move on.

I think WinBigly has read this correctly. If you say 'yes' he won't turn up, then he'll laugh at you to all the harem, not realizing you didn't turn up either.

Ignore his message. Document all his treatment of you over the past year and forward it to your employer's HR department. He'll do this to someone else once you leave.

And when he was gossiping away at you at work, why didn't you tell him 'I have work to be getting on with so you need to go back to your work area'? To anyone looking on you enjoyed his attention and were goofing off for all this time. He did cut into your job performance because it is hard to work effectively while seething mad. That wasn't fair to your employer as well as you.

Maybe he actually plans to stand you up too.

I like the idea from Jengnr.

You're never in the wrong when you take the moral high ground. Don't stoop to his level.

Yeah, I agree. Sorry, I have a bad feeling about this. I don't think this is going to be a rom-com.

Really cruel behaviour.

The only lesson it's going to teach him is that you're a bitch, and he'll probably transfer that onto his future dealings with women and tar them all with the label.

Don't ignore his email. He will tell himself you didn't receive it.

Just send back two words: 'No thanks.'

Then block all forms of contact.

Keep the moral high ground.

Standing him up will teach him
nothing.

And next time, report the sexual harassment. That actually might have taught him something.

Where on earth do you work where employers tolerate 9 employees following around another employee trying to get his attention and desperately trying to ask him out? As well standing around flirting by your desk?

Are you mad? I'd only agree by phone call. I'm not that stupid.

But stupid enough to take harassment for a year rather than complain to employers about it. I don't think it's Buttery who's 'mad'.

Reply with "no thanks, best wishes for the future."

He's probably setting you up. It's probably HIS plan not to turn up. Don't fall for it.

I would just go with "No thanks" I wouldnt bother wishing him the best.

Of course you can't do that, it's a stupid plan with so much potential to backfire. Move on with dignity.

My only advice is don't carry out any inappropriate correspondence with this twat via work email. You could be on a disciplinary if you're not careful.

Don't engage, just ignore him and hopefully he'll get the message. Not so much fun, but at least you won't risk losing your job over it.

Agree with Jengr. You don't have to cc to everyone. But I'd bounce this onto HR or a director if HR are part of his harem. And I'd email him stating that you've given your response to his invitation to HR.

I can assure you, the day I write about this guy three times is the day hell freezes over.

You've written loads about him here. You really don't write like someone who's completely disdainful and doesn't fancy him at all.

Where on earth do you work where employers tolerate 9 employees following around another employee trying to get his attention and desperately trying to ask him out? As well standing around flirting by your desk?

This

None of it rings true OP, are you sure it's not mostly in your head?

Same as everyone else.

Ignore the message and just don't go.

He has been pathetic and childish, and spiteful in allowing his feelings about you to result in terrible behaviour.

It would be pathetic and childish and spiteful of you to do the same thing.

If it would give you any satisfaction, you have lowered yourself to his level.

He has , at least, apologised.

Either ignore his e mail or respond firmly but neutrally saying his apology is noted, but you cjnduder your communication with him ended with work and you will not be going out with him.

the best thing you can do to him is ignore. worse than not showing up.

he's so insignificant to you you can't even be bothered to reply. and after he's apologised, laid his heart on the line, and now forked out £400. it'll cut deep. he won't know whether you got the message or whether you're rejecting him. much worse than sending a reply.

next time report him.

I'd look at him disbelievingly and say "...why would you think I'd want to do that?"

If I got such an invitation from a man who had acted like this, I wouldn't assume they'd fancied the pants off me all along. On the contrary, I'd think it was part of some ploy to humiliate and embarrass me. Why are you so convinced he fancies you? Ignoring the message completely is the only way to go.

Tell him you'll never be that hungry.