Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

To agree to go on a date with this co worker...and then not turn up

126 replies

chloerae · 01/06/2017 21:55

I've spent an entire year putting up with the most annoying co worker in the history of the world. Spent all his time flirting with me (well at me|) I never flirted but he still continued. After a few weeks he then decided he hated me and would tell me how much hotter my work colleagues were than me, make fun of my clothes, my work, my friends, my accent. You name it, he found fault with it. He had a group of stupid women who would follow him around everywhere, feeding his ego and telling him how handsome he is. There were about 9 women in the building that fancied him and would give him tonnes of attention and tried desperately for him to ask them out.

He'd enjoy standing at my desk and informing me about all the co workers he'd shagged, how everyone fancies him, how he's been promoted and how many press ups he'd done at the gym. He would find someone from his harem to flirt with in front of my desk every single day.

He told everyone he didn't like me. I was weird. He didn't fancy me. I was eccentric and 'freaked him out'. His little harem would laugh when he made fun of me. He'd do it in front of my desk so I couldn't walk away. He'd literally put me down in front of his entire group of admirers.

The reality is, he fancied me rotten. Wasn't remotely interested in any of his little harem and only used them to get my attention. Only unfortunately for him I'm wasn't interested. I didn't make a formal complaint as I knew I would be leaving and it didn't really bother me. I think everyone deep down knew he fancied me.

It was my last day in work today and he finally put his pride to one side and sent me an email apologising for his behaviour and asking if I'd like to go for a meal with him and he mentioned this specific place. If I wanted to he'd book it in advance as there's a package with a show and evening meal included.

I've looked online and it costs £200 per person!

I'd rather slit my throat than go for a meal with him. But would I be intrinsically evil to agree to the date....and just not turn up

I'm so tempted. Would it be really, really mean?

OP posts:

PollyPerky · 02/06/2017 07:32

His behaviour- trying to impress you with accounts of his conquests and everything else- is the sort of thing a 15 yr old boy might do.

I'm wondering how old you both are? This doesn't sound like the behaviour of mature people.

You too sound as if you like being in the midst of some Mills & Boon novel, the way you describe his 'harem' and his 'admirers'. Is this for real? People in the workplace don't really behave like this if they are over 20.

I think you are exaggerating office banter and flirting or whatever it is to suit your sense of being 'special' and the 'wanted one' when really this is just a young man (or even a sad middle aged one) making a dick of himself with the women at work.

Of course you shouldn't accept and decline the invite. That's lowering yourself to his type of behaviour. let it go and move on.

Cagliostro · 02/06/2017 07:44

Just say no.

Amanduh · 02/06/2017 07:47

For a year he walked about in front of your desk making comments whilst 9 women trailed after him to put you down because he fancied you so so much and just couldn't handle it because you weren't interested? what an odd workplace you must have

roundaboutthetown · 02/06/2017 07:50

Oh, don't be pathetic. He sounds as immature as you, so is probably planning on standing you up.

expatinscotland · 02/06/2017 07:54

What Jengnr suggests.

Isetan · 02/06/2017 07:59

Reporting him might have taught him a lesson, standing him up won't and at worst, could blow back on you.

You know what they say about revenge, be prepared to dig two graves.

wowfudge · 02/06/2017 08:02

Don't be so childish - keep the moral high ground. Refuse the invitation and tell him that if wants to make a good impression with anyone he needs to stop being a total idiot.

Squishedstrawberry4 · 02/06/2017 08:02

Just say no thankyou date wise. If he really bothers you complain formally.

ArgyMargy · 02/06/2017 08:07

You're both drama queens and deserve each other. Good luck!

Mummmy2017 · 02/06/2017 08:14

He is using the office as a dating pool. I wouldn't formally report him, but I would go and tell HR so they are aware, as I think you will find he will be after your replacement as a notching in his belt, and they will need proof if he does this to anyone else...

Notalotterywinner · 02/06/2017 08:17

I would send an email to colleagues about how you have enjoyed working with them however your experience was blighted by his behaviour and attach his email for review.

DirtyChaiLatte · 02/06/2017 08:20

Wow...... did you really just write that and actually think like that???

HotelEuphoria · 02/06/2017 08:24

I am quite a hard person but even I think this is a rotten thing to do. You should have nipped his behaviour in the bud months ago.

Say no, politely, explain why and let him learn from his immaturity.

HoldBackTheRain · 02/06/2017 08:26

Are you mad? I'd only agree by phone call. I'm not that stupid

You are for even considering doing this. And bloody rude to Buttery as well.

WTF is it with posters that think they can be this arrogant in their responses? Say that to the wrong person in real life and you'll regret it!

OregonShales · 02/06/2017 08:27

I agree with pps - I think this is his last joke before you leave, if you say yes he will either A - not show up and assume you did and laugh, or B - tell the office that you liked him all along.

Kokusai · 02/06/2017 08:29

I wouldn't because he sounds like the kind of person who will do something bad in retaliation.

I would reply with a curt "Collegue, your behaviour towards me over the past year has been extremely intimidating and upsetting. I didn't Perdue formal complaints through HR as I was soon to be leaving the company. I suggest you take a close look at your behaviour and endeavour not to treat anyone else as badly as you have treated me. Regards, x"

Ackvavit · 02/06/2017 08:30

I'd advise against agreeing to go even if you think it'll be fun to stand him up.

Reply very politely with a
Dear [. ]
Thanks for the offer of dinner. It's a no from me.

I'm sure someone else would appreciate the gesture.
Chloerae

CrispyBathTowel · 02/06/2017 08:31

Just say no. Standing him up would make you look like the dick, not him. Declining his invitation would be much more effective.

Timeandtune · 02/06/2017 08:35

Slightly off topic but how do any of you manage to get any actual work done?

Missb00 · 02/06/2017 08:36

Yabv unreasonable, mean and immature to do something so horrible to another person.

..but he's been doing it to her for a year? Surely a taste of his own medicine wouldn't be so bad? She's only planning on standing him up, not stealing his clothes and leaving him naked in the countryside!

GahBuggerit · 02/06/2017 08:38

Sooooooo you want to show someone up for being a dick by, um, being a dick yourself? Yes, that'll learn him

Obviously you can't do this. Just turn him down instead, much more satisfying.

TestTubeTeen · 02/06/2017 08:39

And stop being so dismissive and rude about 'his little harem'.

You had a chance to take a professional approach to his bad behaviour, a word with your manager, or HR, and you didn't take it.

Why now you resort to an unprofessional and immature response?

And

Whatever little stunt you pull, he will then do worse.

When you plan revenge, first dig two graves.

tabbymog · 02/06/2017 08:41

Absolutely keep the moral high ground. Don't let other people dictate your behaviour, especially when you clearly know what's right.

I can't get my head around all these people apparently floating around the workplace doing sweet f.a. BTW. It would never have happened anywhere I've worked, management would have been on it like a ton of bricks.

BillSykesDog · 02/06/2017 08:45

Don't do the reply to all or stand him up. Don't reply to his email. Forward it to management and say that it shows he has admitted his behaviour and what his intentions and that you want them to be aware so they can prevent him doing this to any other female staff and keep a close eye on him.

Doing anything else could backfire on you, in terms of making you look unprofessional and affecting your reference if you do reply to all. It has occurred to me that he could be doing a reverse ferret on you anyway and either intends to use a positive reply to say 'look she was only kicking up a fuss cos she fancied me anyway', or possibly intending to do some nasty prank/stand you up anyway if you did accept.

Just don't stoop to his level be professional, forward to management, ignore, leave.

GahBuggerit · 02/06/2017 08:50

I agree, doing anything else could make it look like op fancied him herself and was put out that she clearly wasn't the only one he flirted with. Few things in ops post stood out to me like commenting on the flirting with other women in front of her and so on, why would that bother someone who wasn't interested? Hmm......this would just be his way is saying "see? Told you all she wanted me"

All sounds pretty immature anyway.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread