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Original poster

To agree to go on a date with this co worker...and then not turn up

126 replies

chloerae · 01/06/2017 21:55

I've spent an entire year putting up with the most annoying co worker in the history of the world. Spent all his time flirting with me (well at me|) I never flirted but he still continued. After a few weeks he then decided he hated me and would tell me how much hotter my work colleagues were than me, make fun of my clothes, my work, my friends, my accent. You name it, he found fault with it. He had a group of stupid women who would follow him around everywhere, feeding his ego and telling him how handsome he is. There were about 9 women in the building that fancied him and would give him tonnes of attention and tried desperately for him to ask them out.

He'd enjoy standing at my desk and informing me about all the co workers he'd shagged, how everyone fancies him, how he's been promoted and how many press ups he'd done at the gym. He would find someone from his harem to flirt with in front of my desk every single day.

He told everyone he didn't like me. I was weird. He didn't fancy me. I was eccentric and 'freaked him out'. His little harem would laugh when he made fun of me. He'd do it in front of my desk so I couldn't walk away. He'd literally put me down in front of his entire group of admirers.

The reality is, he fancied me rotten. Wasn't remotely interested in any of his little harem and only used them to get my attention. Only unfortunately for him I'm wasn't interested. I didn't make a formal complaint as I knew I would be leaving and it didn't really bother me. I think everyone deep down knew he fancied me.

It was my last day in work today and he finally put his pride to one side and sent me an email apologising for his behaviour and asking if I'd like to go for a meal with him and he mentioned this specific place. If I wanted to he'd book it in advance as there's a package with a show and evening meal included.

I've looked online and it costs £200 per person!

I'd rather slit my throat than go for a meal with him. But would I be intrinsically evil to agree to the date....and just not turn up Grin

I'm so tempted. Would it be really, really mean?

OP posts:
PollyPerky · 02/06/2017 08:50

OP there are many ways to look at this.
We only have your side.

It could be that it's all in your over-vivid imagination.

Rather than making it into a huge drama,(The Office?) how's about considering it another way?

Office dick shows off in front of giggly women (who may or may not be susceptible to his charms.) OP puts them down by referring to them as his 'harem'. Nice.

You don't join in- Miss Snooty Cow- to them, perhaps.

He (possibly) is doing what young teens do- making fun of the person he really fancies because he is too shy to actually make a serious move.

It's his way of getting her attention.

The 'putting her down' in front of colleagues is really no more than office banter and a bit of leg pulling.

But she's so up her own she doesn't see this for what it is.

Now she is leaving, Dickhead feels guilty so asks her out to 'make up'.

Trollspoopglitter · 02/06/2017 08:51

"Thank you for acknowledgement of sexually harassing me in the workplace for the last 12 months and your apology for your unprofessionalism. I will leave this in HR and Line manager's hands in how they wish to proceed in handling this sustained bullying.

Line manager,
I am happy to discuss the impact of XX's sustained behaviour over the xx month in my exit interview on xxx date.

PollyPerky · 02/06/2017 08:52

Oh FFS!

If it was bullying why didn't she do anything before?

MummyMuppet2x2 · 02/06/2017 08:57

Ignore him. It'll confuse him.

rightwhine · 02/06/2017 08:58

Just ignore. He wants a reaction from you. Don't give it.

badabing36 · 02/06/2017 09:00

I agree with the pps who said it seems like you're interested in him. If you weren't a 'no, thank you' would be all you need to say.

Do you enjoy these little games?

Hareem is mean.

AteRiri · 02/06/2017 09:08

Yeah it kinda seems like the OP has a little crush on him. We could be wrong though.

Trollspoopglitter · 02/06/2017 10:16

PollyPerky, so in your world if you don't report it, it's not true?

Handbag101 · 02/06/2017 10:26

This sounds really familiar. Are you sure you haven't posted before? I've seen this before about two or three times as well.

ImperialBlether · 02/06/2017 10:28

I wonder whether he's winding you up and wouldn't show up himself.

LagunaBubbles · 02/06/2017 10:32

I really dont get why you put up with this for a year. Confused

GeekLove · 02/06/2017 10:33

Where is the OP now? Bit weird they've disappeared.

WorraLiberty · 02/06/2017 13:29

The other poster who posted at least three times, was completely and utterly deluded.

She seemed convinced the guy at work fancied her rotten, when it was painfully clear (by the second thread) that she was in fact the stalker and the poor guy just wanted her to leave him alone.

He even avoided doing the sandwich run with her and she was convinced it was because he fancied her. I think she used the term 'harem' too, just to describe any conversation he had with more than one woman at a time.

ForalltheSaints · 02/06/2017 13:41

Just say no. Have some self respect.

Arealhumanbeing · 02/06/2017 13:58

Don't do it. Think about how it could backfire.

deckoff · 02/06/2017 14:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Electrolens · 02/06/2017 18:57

Ugh. Agree with pp who say the only possible response is to ignore.

If you're correct in your assessment of his behaviour then that will piss him off the most.

Either way you'll be behaving like an adult professional.

Don't accept whatever you do.

Mermaidinthesea123 · 02/06/2017 19:01

If he wasn't a coworker I'd do that and laugh my face off. However if you do this it's going to make life at work very difficult indeed.
I'd tell him I'd rather date a neanderthal than him though.

SeamstressfromTreacleMineRoad · 02/06/2017 19:16

Don't do the reply to all or stand him up. Don't reply to his email. Forward it to management and say that it shows he has admitted his behaviour and what his intentions and that you want them to be aware so they can prevent him doing this to any other female staff and keep a close eye on him.

^^
This. Also, if he's such a bastard, it does occur to me that he may be planning to string you along - then stand you up (probably while watching from afar) just to get the last vile 'laugh'.... Hmm

ScissorBow · 02/06/2017 19:25

Do you know what? I think I probably would. If he's been such a knob head for a year I'd want passive but final sweet revenge. What a dick.

Lasagnabreath · 02/06/2017 19:36

He could be playing you all along. It's not worth the risk. He could also be genuine and again not worth it.

Littlelondoner · 02/06/2017 19:47

Is office code work for school? All sounds like playground drama too me.

milliemolliemou · 02/06/2017 20:21

OP where are you? Just say no. To accept and not turn up would be horrendous. Put it behind you, move on and leave him to his harem if that's what it is.

sonjadog · 02/06/2017 20:27

Oh, I´d forgotten about that sandwich one! Did she ever get it in the end that he was trying to get away from her? (I guess if you think the OP is the same person, then the answer to that is "No").

Epipgab · 02/06/2017 23:26

Yes... that sandwich thread.