To ask people not to stare at my son

[AlletrixLeStrange]

I'm posting this here with the hope more people read it.
I have a son with ASD and today was a bad day, constant meltdowns, asking to go home and attempts to escape me but we had stuff we needed to do and no car with us (in the garage) so we couldn't just leave as we normally would.
I can deal with his meltdowns, he's my son and I've learnt how to cope with them. To be honest, a lot of it goes over the top of my head now and I won't play along with them unless I know he needs my direct attention.
I also know it's a bit shitty when you're trying to shop and there's a kid screaming next to you, but I just can't care about that.
He's having a difficult time out of routine and with the business of holidays, he was supposed to go to his dads today but he cancelled again, he hasn't seen him in almost 2 weeks and my DS is confused.
But why do people have to stare?!
Today was the second time I've ever snapped at people in public, because dealing with my DS is hard enough, I don't need lots of pairs of eyes glaring at me as well. He's a child, with a disability, finding the day and surroundings hard. He's not a show.

Anyway, a glance is entirely sufficient in most cases to work out where any potential hazard is and help the frail person walk in the opposite direction. In fact, in a place as busy and full of potential hazards as a supermarket I would suggest that anyone staring at a child having a meltdown is putting the frail person with them at more risk, because they then will miss the enthusiastic small child pushing a trolley too fast in their direction or any other number of hazards. You know the way it gets annoying if people tell parents with an autistic child what they are doing wrong? It feels just the same when you tell people with other problems what they are doing wrong.

If you are going to come and look after my husband when he is bed bound you can make the decisions. OK?

You know the way it gets annoying if people tell parents with an autistic child what they are doing wrong? It feels just the same when you tell people with other problems what they are doing wrong. If you are going to come and look after my husband when he is bed bound you can make the decisions. OK?

Perhaps you missed where I mentioned that I've been through the journey that you're on, with taking care of a desperate unwell husband.

Mine has now passed away unfortunately. I hope that yours has a better prognosis. (Now that he's bed bound presumably he isn't in supermarkets anyway.)

He isn't bed bound at the moment but it happens if he gets jolted in some way, can happen if he sneezes. It is a nightmare not least because he weighs double what I weigh and is a miserable sod when he is in pain and stir crazy. I don't want him to be in pain because I love him but also for my sanity, if that is a problem for anyone else I apologise but sometimes you have to do what you have to do.

I think what we're all trying to say granny is that you are one person. You are not the 30 odd people staring at my son the other day, maybe a couple of them were doing as you described, but I fail to believe all 30 were.
The person who tuts and says my kid is naughty and should be controlled, or the one that says I'm a bad parent and it's my fault, or even the one who after those kind of comments and my explaining to her that he was autistic said "well he should be in a mental institution", they, they did not have your worries.
That is what we deal with. Every single damn day and there's no fucking justification for it. It's pure darn ignorance and people should learn to be more concerned with their own damn lives than that of my poor son.

Martin how was the park?

Oh thank you for asking Allex, it was wonderful!

We visited the ducks, went on the swing and down the slide. He laughed out loud and threw his head back. It was the very tonic I needed - to be out and about and happy. It's given us a boost, even if temporary. He did a few things like lying face down on the ground a couple of times, but instead of panicking and trying to pick him up I let him stay down for a couple of moments until he was happy to get up and walk again. He said "quack" too (progress as he's nonverbal)!

I hope your day is going better today x

Oh Martin that sounds wonderful! I'm thrilled for you both (and a little teary eyed at the "quack", hell my DS could've said "poo" at that age and I would've cried)
Maybe you could make the park a regular thing, especially now the kids are going back to school it should be nice and quiet and plenty of space to hide the bodies of any unnecessary commenters

Really pleased you had a nice park adventure x

Thank you very much Queen.

I'm not gloating but it was great. I will leave out the details of him biting me a few times today and breaking the newest ornament in the sitting room into a million pieces when we got back though

For all of you

Good luck tomorrow Dixie. I hope you have all have fun.

DS is just 3 1/2, in a special playschool and making some progress.

Dixie how did things go for you?

That's brilliant Dixie! So pleased for him and for you that it went well.

Fair do's to him for coping with the noise and the thumbs up would melt any heart.