To tell his girlfriend I slept with him?

[Minnievintage]

I'm on a well known dating site, been single for 3 years. I started talking to this guy who lives in my area but I don't know.

We got on really really well, and after 3 weeks of chatting on the dating site he suggested we meet. I was really into him so I agreed. So 2 weekends ago we met up at a pub that he suggested about 15 miles away from where we both lived - at the time it didn't cross my mind to think it was odd.

We got on really really well and I fancied the pants off him. It's been a long time since I found someone I connected with and fancied like that so I was so excited. We kissed at the end of the night very passionately. We then spent all of that week texting each other as he gave me his phone number - great I thought, this could end my dry spell!!!!

Weekend just gone, I suggested we meet again. He was abit hesitant said he had a few things on. Things had started to get progressively more sexual in the conversations between us so when I made a joke about something quite suggestive he quickly changed his tune and said we could meet at the weekend.

To cut a long story short, he came to my house and I cooked a meal for us and after too many wines we ended up sleeping together. He got out of bed afterwards and started to get dressed saying he had to go but wasn't off with me at all. I then asked what he was doing on the Sunday and he replied "I'm seeing my girlfriend!!!" To say I was flabbergasted is an understatement!!

I don't have Facebook but my friend did some digging and she's found out who is girlfriend is and they are engaged due to be married at Christmas. I don't know his girlfriend personally but I know of her. AIBU to tell her what happened? I know of it was me getting married I would want to know!

I'd screenshot the messages. Send them to her, with a brief explanation of what happened. She can't argue with black and white. She will probably choose not to believe it, she will defiantly blame you - a siren with magical powers who stole her perfect wonderful DF away. That's how it often goes I'm afraid.

But he's an arse and deserves it.

I'm as sure as I can be without concrete evidence that my ex cheated on me.
I found emails about his username and password to a cheaters website, and all the profile details matched up to him and our situation. He was controlling and abusive am for lied with every breath, so I eventually dropped it without having further proof. He always used to hide his phone, but I could sometimes see he had conversations going with women he claimed to barely know and would have rubbish excuses for suspicious messages I did see.
I would have absolutely loved for someone to come forward even just to say he had been flirting with them to prove I wasn't as crazy as he made out I was. He wasn't a clever liar, but he knew me well enough to know how to turn it round and make me look paranoid. I wasted 6 years on him.
Tell her. Send a message on Facebook messenger and email her, and mention in both that you've sent it both ways to show it's not random junk mail/phishing scam.
Say you're sorry to have to do it, but after you checked his Facebook profile, and saw he definitely wasn't single, you felt it was her right to know, so she has all the information before marrying him.
Tell her how you met him and that you had no idea he was with someone else until he casually told you after you'd slept with him.
Send a link to his profile, and if she doubts it is real she can set up her own profile and try to get his number or arrange a date.
Tell her you have screen shots of messages/phone calls you can send, along with the times of your dates, if she wants them. Just make sure his number, not name is visible.
If she has suspicions, that will be enough to let her know she's not crazy or paranoid. If they are in an open relationship or she doesn't care, she will either tell you so or just ignore it.
There is a chance she may try to blame you or that he may get angry with you or call you a stalker, but I would take the risk because I know how shit it is to be cheated on and waste my time with someone who doesn't deserve it.
Sorry you got roped in by such a crappy excuse for a man

I would want to know. Never mind 'it would harm their relationship'. Relationship is already gone, save her the anguish of being cheated on forever... What an a-hole he is. Also, I don't use dating sites but is there some way you can report him?

I wouldn't tell - I had a one night stand on a girlie weekend away just before I got married - I deeply regretted it and have never done it since. I've been married for 19 years.
You made it clear with sexual quips that sex with you was on the agenda - nothing wrong with that - but previously he'd been 'busy' he already felt that it wrong then being led by his brain in his willy and an offer of a sure thing from you he went ahead and did the deed. He clearly regretted it and told you about the GF so that it would stop there.
Are you really wanting to tell to help this woman you've never met to 'see the light' or do you want revenge on him for not wanting a relationship with you?
Leave well alone, text him and tell him how you feel if you like but leave it.
People make mistakes - you don't know either of them - don't go wrecking lives just because you're angry, find someone else and do the FB snoop before sex next time.

We're you on a dating site Cody actively looking for hookups?

It's highly unlikely that the OP is a one off in that context.

And what is this obsession with 'revenge'? Are the posters who ask this vengeful themselves or have they simply been brainwashed by misogynyist tosh about 'women scorned'?

Yes I would want to know, but seen as though your relationship never got off the ground, it's really not your place to tell her, liars and cheats always get found out in the end anyway not if no one ever says.

cody a one night spontaneous cheat is not the sane as registering on a dating site and claiming to be single then intentionally engaging in sexual banter before going over to theirs for sex. And the only person rlqrecking lives is the cheating arsehole who does that

You don't have to act on it, but I think wanting a bit of vengeance is perfectly natural and most of us enjoy a bit of guilty shadenfreude when someone who we feel has wronged us gets some karmic comeuppance. It's nothing to do with misogyny.

Agreed. It's not like he had a guilty breakdown. He mentioned girlfriend after sex because he got what he wanted and wanted to shutdown any chance of a relationship. Sounds calculating. I would tell her. But be prepared to answer questions!

You have to tell her.

You will find someone decent, it was just plain bad luck this time-you had a lucky escape!

I'd want to know if I was getting married to him.
Even anonymously.
Then I could investigate myself.
Don't put yourself in danger OP - he knows where you live etc.

You already had evidence you admit he was controlling and abusive. You gut instinct that made you not fully trust him was all the evidence you need. Thankfully you got out and did not spend the rest of your life with him but we can't expect other women to do the work for you.

I don't get people saying he 'made a mistake' he didn't make a mistake he was online dating, he chose to do that. I personally would make a Facebook,or try find her email address and forward screenshots of his dating page, chances are you aren't the only woman he's met and if you don't use your real name, it could be one of many?
Sorry this happened to you, some people are just absolutely vile.

are people being delibrately thick or stupid

he didnt make up he had a girlf shes been found on fb saying shes engaged to him!

Wow, rather upsetting eye opener on here. An object lesson in 'it's always the woman's fault'. Depressing.

I've read that it's the woman's fault as she should have known (magically) that he was lying, that it's her fault because he didn't actually lie just by omission (making him as good as candy floss and her the evil cheater... err, somehow. It's also apparently her fault because she was online dating, so deserves anything and everything she gets. It's her fault because she thought this man and her were potentially getting together. It's her fault because she's a slut for daring (nasty girl!) to have actual sex with someone. Oh and then there's the completely made up fantasy that the OP has engineered the whole situation, because that feels much better because yay, we get to blame the woman again (claps hands happily), so now the OP knew the other woman all along and has deliberately made contact and engineered this whole sex thing for her own evil plans to upset this other woman. Wow. Then she's apparently looking for revenge... the classic woman scorned crap. Apparently this revenge could be for a whole gamut of tenuous (pretend) reasons, unless she just the decent thing and shuts up. She must go ahead and keeps this man's secret for him and facilitate HIS life, allowing him, without consequence, to behave as he wants and without ethics towards more than one woman - because... that's the right thing for the OP to do! Yay OP, didn't you realise, you must uphold this man's choices no matter how many woman get hurt while he's allowed to enjoy it all.

And this from other women. Yeech. Terrifying how cruel people can be.

38cody he was on a dating website! It was not an accident thing!

"Are you really wanting to tell to help this woman you've never met to 'see the light' or do you want revenge on him for not wanting a relationship with you?"

Either way the OP i scertainly within her rights. I seriously doubt she is romantically interested in this shitty man now so unlikely to want revenge!

"People make mistakes - you don't know either of them - don't go wrecking lives just because you're angry."

People may make mistakes but joining a dating agency and sleeping with someone when engaged is not your regular mistake! Maybe you just think this because you make 'a mistake' before you got married.

Providing the truth for someone who is being cheated on is not 'wrecking lives'. Your post is just really rude and unpleasant.

People make mistakes - you don't know either of them - don't go wrecking lives just because you're angry, find someone else and do the FB snoop before sex next time.

Stop projecting your fuck up on to the OP. She's done nothing wrong.

wellthisisshit yes! Everything you just said- yes! It's disgusting and baffling that other women are actually so sexist to their own gender . OP has done literally nothing wrong and is definitely coming across to me as very decent and wanting to do the right thing, unlike a lot of the vile posters on here.

What did you do in the end OP? Hope all worked out well.

I came.
I saw.
I conquered.

Just like the Roman soldiers of old this guy seems to have used you just for one thing – getting his leg over. Not your fault.

And the classic way to dump you afterwards is to just casually say he has a girlfriend. Whilst he is putting on is trousers. This predator seems to be trying to sleep with as many people as possible. Once he has notched up on the bedpost another one, he drops on the thing that almost certainly will stop you in your tracks. He's got what he came for and now he just wants to move on. The girlfriend should be made aware. Screenshot The texts and record the details of the dating site. Great comments BTW and particularly respect to:-

• DomJolyNurse
• Honeyroar
• junglebookisthebest
• Povertypain

Excellent advice. Povertypain. Dead right. If he even sends you a text, dares to phone you & if the mad fecker dared to turn up, fill him with such fear & dread that you're the psycho who's going to hound him, follow him & make his life unbearable. WITH the help of the police. And Liam Neeson - google "taken trailer. i will find you. jan 2016".

18 seconds long -
www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=3&ved=0ahUKEwjuzJbm76HUAhVKLMAKHXCWDaAQwqsBCBIwAg&url=https%3A%2F%2Fm.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DcnvaHW6zNLY&usg=AFQjCNFcT5ozBUG0BUYh5nfjwTkEByAGog

Hey! We're all here twisting everything this way and that and OP has completely disappeared. Hmmm.

If this guy is going on dating sites and using them to find one-night stands for casual sex, you can bet you were not the first, and won't be the last.

This is really a health issue; you don't say if you practised safe sex or not. But if he is sleeping around he is putting his fiancée's sexual health at risk. (Not to mention yours).

It would be a kindness to let her know. Indeed, she absolutely needs to have this information so that she can get checked out. She also needs to have this information before deciding if she actually wants to stay with this man for the rest of her life.

Raqs the OP already said she practised safe sex, so that's a bit of a relief. I don't think condoms stop all sti's though, but greatly reduce chances.

Thanks noteven, was quite depressed after reading the whole thread in one go, so goodness knows how the OP feels.

Will try and focus more on the more positive posts and attitudes.

He's a cunt - throw him into your mental rubbish bin!
I'd message and let his GF know he's on a dating site, but not admit to sleeping with him... unless she asks! And then I'd tell her the whole truth, and nothing but the truth!

Men like this need catching out before the ring is on, or their marriage will be on the rocks before the champagne breakfast is even poured!! xxx

Well I wouldn't have sex with I guy i didn't know much about like where he lived & all. I am not judging just stating b4 I get jumped on. We all know how it goes on mumsnet.

N I would delete his no, block him and move on. Mentioning his girlfriend meant he wasn't looking for any strings attached.

N I wouldn't contact the girlfriend either. What would you like to achieve? Tell her & they break up or don't, what difference will it make to your life.

I'll learn my lesson from the experience and move on.