To hate the fact that wedding invites come with a request for money?

[Generallyok]

I love going to weddings and would never dream of not giving a gift,but hate that we always seem to get sent a cute little poem that tells you that they have all their pots and pans etc etc but love money to fly somewhere in the sun. I do get that too and would ask if they have a list or would prefer money but it just seems a bit much to send out this message. We have just received one just for an evening invite. I'm not married but can't imagine sending an invite and then telling everyone we would like their dosh. AIBU?

I'm going to a wedding later this year. The invite explained where people could stay in the area and gave a rough idea of prices. The invite also said that they had everything that they needed (no poem) but if people wanted to get them anything, then a small contribution to their honeymoon would be greatly appreciated.
Bride to be has shown no signs of bridezilla at all. Groom is terribly reasonable. What's wrong with them?

Why on earth would you not put info about gifts on an invite? It's like not putting the dress code on if there is one. Giving gifts at weddings is such a socially embedded custom that if you don't address it (in whichever fashion) then you will be guaranteed to be inundated with 50 people all asking you what the deal with gifts is. It's just useful information!

Nowadays few couples are setting up home and need that traditional collective support from their friends and families to set up a home.

So it should either be no gifts with, "but if you must", a link to your favourite charity for donations.

I did this as myself and my husband already lived together. Looking back it was a bit cheeky but we didn't need anything else and just thought it would help us out with spending money. We also received a lot of thoughtful gifts though, memory books, a voucher for a spa day, champagne, a box full of our favourite treats, (which actually was my favourite present) and to be honest I remember those gifts more than how much people contributed to our honeymoon. If you don't want to give money, maybe something like these gifts would suit better. I certainly didn't ask anything of the evening guests though x

If you don't specifically say or even sometimes if you say no presents, people give you all sorts of rubbish. This happened to a few friends of ours. We asked for Oxfam unwrapped gifts instead of presents with a sort of if you really want to get us something message. But then our parents paid for the wedding. I don't think saying give us money rather than gifts when the couple have paid is unreasonable. Mostly they phrase it in a we just want you to be there but if you want to get a gift...

We as older bride and groom asked for nothing just to see our friends at our wedding. We still received beautiful quirky thoughtful gifts and cards with cash in. So glad we didn't ask and had an amazing day.

I think asking for gifts full stop is rude, I wouldn't dream of it! Celebrating with guests is why they're invited, why ask for a gift?!

I think it's a bit in-your-face to ask. I recently went to a wedding in Italy and was even asked for money in an email sent around about a week before the wedding! Absolutely not. At the end of the day, anything a guest brings (out of their own choice) is fabulous, whether it is a brownie or a cheque or just themself! I'm not married and invites with demands make my kidneys quiver.

I can understand years ago when most couples were setting up a new home when they got married that you'd get them something for the house. Now that most couples live together and often have families before a wedding, then it has changed to money for the honeymoon but I think it is incredibly crass to ask for money tbh and guests feel obligated. My cousin got married recently and they live about 4 hours journey from us and we only got an evening invite as they'd kept the day ceremony small following illness..... we had to book a room at the rural hotel that for 5 of us meant 2 rooms @ £220 each, a tank of fuel each way, and we ended up having to buy food as the evening buffet was miniscule and the kids were starving which was another £80 . It cost us well over £600 for attending, and they obviously took massive offence that we hadn't added the £100 asked for from each family to pay towards their honeymoon as we've not heard a word from them since!! I bloody hate weddings tbh.

We always give money. No way am I traipsing around looking for something they might not have/like/want.
No need for the poem though, just a polite suggestion will do.

Astonished that people consider a pointer about what gift they prefer with a disclaimer that gifts are not expected to be a "demand" for a gift. I think people just don't understand the meaning of the word "demand".

I always get a gift when invited to a wedding and prefer to be told what the couple would like.

My lovely sil made my invites. I didn't wanted to enclose a poem but she told me I had to. Her friend didn't, she ended up with piles of unwanted gifts. I would rather be told by cheesy poem for some cash rather than spend an afternoon finding a thoughtful, unwanted, not-to-their-taste gift destined for the charity shop!

We got married abroad and thought it was great that so many guests spent a lot of money to join us on our day.
I said I wanted no gifts.
We got a bottle of bubbly. Two framed pictures of a series of photos of beauty spots of the island from several of the guests which was lovely
A blanket and flowers.

Lovely Just to have the day with our close ones.

We are going to a big society wedding later this year. Hotel, petrol , food before and water isn't going to leave much change out of £300 for two of us.
Expensive dos. Fortunately we don't need to buy clothes we were at a wedding two weeks ago, so we are sorted.

Getting married in a month. Third wedding for both of us. No room for any more stuff in our house either! We didn't mention gifts on the invite and if anyone asks we just suggest they bung a few euros in a card and we'll buy a cocktail on honeymoon!

I'd say 90% of the wedding invites I've received over the past few years have had the cheesy poem and I hate them!! Glad to be in good company.

We are about to write our invites and there will be NO mention of gift lists, cash, vouchers or honeymoons.

The thought of even mentioning it makes me feel sick so wouldn't even consider including it.

We always gift money to other peoples weddings but that is our choice our guests can do as they please. We want for nothing and expect nothing!

If you are not having a gift list then don't include twee poem. People are not daft

some years ago I was invited to a teaching colleague's wedding (evening only). She provided the most grabby list I have ever seen which included: a top of the range racing bike, dresses from Monsoon (already reserved in store in her name) and an iPod (when they were new and expensive). 90% of the list was clearly for only one of the couple and there was nothing under about £80, which astonished me even more.

In the end, another colleague and I decided to ignore the list and purchased two 'send a child to school' gifts from Oxfam.

To her credit, she sent a nice thank you letter - though I was never entirely convinced it was sincere.

We've had 2 invites to evening do's recently with money poems attached. We politely declined both. Neither were from close relatives or friends so we didn't feel we would be missed. Without the tacky poem we would probablyhave gone and gifted a John Lewis voucher but their tacky poems but me right off. I would gladly give money to a family member or close friend but not a work colleague who I barely know. We are however, contributing to the office collection for a card and flowers for the happy couple which is nice. I wouldn't give nothing - it was kind of them to invite us.

I hate the give us money thing - I think couples should budget for their wedding and honeymoon and pay for it accordingly. Whilst I will buy from a gift list (I've had several friends who genuinely were setting up home together) I won't give money for a honeymoon. We budgeted for our honeymoon - four nights in a self-catering cottage in the U.K. - so don't see why other couples can't too.

We put on our wedding invites that we wanted people to share our wedding day with us and gifts were not necessary. We suggested that, if people wanted to do something, they could make a donation to cancer research which solved the problem of people who wanted to give something. I wouldn't have felt right asking for stuff from people who were already giving up a day of their time to come to our wedding, travel, clothes etc.

If you are not having a gift list then don't include twee poem. People are not daft

This is pertinent because the advice I saw when researching was that the polite way to get cash for your wedding is to simply not have a gift list then people will know you want cash. We didn't want people to think we were after cash, we had a gift list. Every wedding I've been to bar two has had a gift list, and I've never known anyone have a problem with it. Even Debretts says it's ok these days. Genuinely very surprised by some of the views in this thread as I have never come across this in real life.

I've namechanged back to make this comment.

For those of you who remember me/Gluezilla, just an FYI that she had a wedding website asking for cash towards her honeymoon and a wishing well for people to put money/cheques in on the day (apparently, as obviously I wasn't invited!).

Make of that what you will!

Oh yeah, and a poem in the invitations that the special ones received.

We've had the 'money for a honeymoon' request from two couples lately, and I don't much like giving cash.

Both lots organised huge weddings, then booked fantastically expensive honeymoons, and asked for gifts to pay for scuba diving, cocktails at sunset, elephant rides, you name it. Then if you are really lucky, the send you photos on FB of them having a marvellous time spending your money. Whoopee doo.

When you are strapped for cash (as we are) and struggling to make ends meet, it is really irritating.

Gosh when I got married nearly 25 years ago we had a little book that was passed around that was duplicated so you could see which items had been removed. We were just starting out and everybody was asking us what we wanted including college friends so we had everything from an alarm clock for £4.99 to a pan set at £60.
We were invited to my cousins wedding and the only thing I could afford was two silver napkin rings at £28 and that's more than I wanted to spend on a cousin I rarely see.

I didn't put anything on our invites. Thought it would be well rude. A few people asked and I said money or vouchers would be lovely. People are not stupid they won't buy you a toaster when you've lived together for years. Mostly got money and a few bottles of champagne.