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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

We're being stalked!

194 replies

thesqueezedlemon · 31/05/2017 18:13

AIBU to think that the girl over the road is stalking us?

The dds have a friend who lives opposite us. Her parents don't seem to take the kids anywhere or do anything with them. They're usually found -wandering- playing in the street.

Last year we took her out with us on days out to various places. The dcs enjoyed having their friend there and it wasn't a great imposition but it became more and more of a frequent request. There were lots of sleepovers and her staying for tea aswell, again which I don't mind in moderation.

Now it's the holidays, every single day so far she has knocked on the door at the same time and asked if the dcs are playing out. I really don't mind them playing out. But she expects them to play with her till it's practically their bedtime. I've been asked for sleepovers 4 times in as many days.
Whenever we go out, no where exciting, maybe just to the shops she asks to come. I've started saying no and giving various excuses.
Today I was working and the dcs went to my aunties when we all got home the girl was waiting for us in her front garden and was straight over. The same thing happened yesterday. I found myself taking the dcs to the park (I obviously didn't tell her that) just so we could spend some time together. It's just too much!

Any advice?

OP posts:
Babyonboard101 · 31/05/2017 19:18

I would just tell her no if she shows up and say because the children are busy and have other things to do, and then id contact her parents and tell them that you're finding accommodating their child is stressful and it's not polite to loiter outside someones home waiting for them to come in to then essentially harrass you before you can put the key in the door

Original poster
thesqueezedlemon · 31/05/2017 19:19

My dcs do like her. But they don't want to play out all the time. Theyre a bit younger than her 9 &10.
They asked earlier if we could go to the park without her. So that's what we did.
I don't think she has a bad home life by the way. Just not a very fun one.

She's at the door again!!!!I

OP posts:
Mintychoc1 · 31/05/2017 19:20

Those who keep asking if OP's children like her - I imagine it's similar to how our situation was. My DSs were happy to play with this kid sometimes, but they also often wanted him to not be there too. To be honest, more often than not it was me telling them to let him come in because I felt sorry for him.

I'm curious - those of you who think the OP is being unkind - do you actually think that we all have to duty to provide daily free care to the local kid who doesn't have much to do?

katsnmouse · 31/05/2017 19:20

YANBU. Once or twice a week, fair enough, but all the time, no. She isn't your responsibility. Have her parents ever said thank you for including their child? Or offered to reciprocate? You have no obligation to entertain her.

OfficerVanHalen · 31/05/2017 19:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
thesqueezedlemon · 31/05/2017 19:22

But just to add. Yesterday they were playing outside and another girl turns up. Suddenly she was gone without a word. Until the other girl went home and then she was back again..

OP posts:
minionsrule · 31/05/2017 19:24

Has no one thought to suggest to this girl that they all go to her house? If she just wanrs someone to play with it shouldn't always be at your house. Bit of a compromise there for starters

Original poster
thesqueezedlemon · 31/05/2017 19:25

No katsnmouse never thanked or had the favour reciprocated.

She's just knocked again. She knows they're eating their tea. Tonight has to be a record!

OP posts:
Graceflorrick · 31/05/2017 19:26

You come across as being very unkind OP.

Mintychoc1 · 31/05/2017 19:27

minions I used to suggest that, but was always told that it wasn't convenient. Occasionally they went round there, but were back within minutes because it was "boring"!

SootSprite · 31/05/2017 19:28

We had this. In the end I was fairly brusque with the lad and said if my dd wanted to play with him then she would come to him and ask. if not, then she was obviously busy doing other things. He got the message but I'm a bit of a dragon

BluePeppers · 31/05/2017 19:29

What are your children Thinking? Are they fed up or actually to see her/play with her/have sleep overs?

I would look at it from your dcs POV. If she is there too much and they want to have some time off with yiu, then do so.
If they are happy for her to be there, the do so too.

As an only child, I remember well being bored to death during the hols. Having a friend to go and see made a huge difference to me.

Original poster
thesqueezedlemon · 31/05/2017 19:29

Their WhatsApp messages usually go along the lines of "ask your mum if I can at in your garden or your house" the message is then repeated. Followed by voice messages of fun games they can play if I say she can. If dd doesn't reply asap. She sends snotty messages including "oh well" "you will have to miss out then"
The dcs don't like going there as the parents and older sibs smoke in the house.

OP posts:
Mintychoc1 · 31/05/2017 19:29

Grace what should OP do? Why is she unkind?

Serialweightwatcher · 31/05/2017 19:30

You need to tell her that unless they ring/text or go over to hers that you have things planned ... feel sorry for her personally. My son has no friends in our area and is very lonely - he wouldn't be pushy at all like that but maybe she feels the same way and her family don't/can't take her anywhere. It's not her fault but maybe say it in a kind way so she doesn't feel rotten that she's in your way

Highalert · 31/05/2017 19:30

She just wants someone to hang about with. She's not stalking you.

Roussette · 31/05/2017 19:31

The OP isn't being very unkind!

Who wants someone coming round morning, noon and night?! It would get on my pip

Mintychoc1 · 31/05/2017 19:32

No one has answered my question. Are we all obliged to house and entertain the local bored kid every single day, even if it is inconvenient?

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 31/05/2017 19:32

whether they can or cannot afford to take children out is by the by, the child is intruding on your family life and trying to monopolise the children's spare time, you may need to have a word or advice the child that your children will knock on her if they are free to play

Highalert · 31/05/2017 19:33

My house was always full of my kids mates.

TheweewitchRoz · 31/05/2017 19:33

Op, I really feel for you especially as you don't deserve the hard time you're getting here & I can imagine it's a nightmare.

As others have said, be as kind as you can be but don't feel guilty telling her no. Also, she's old enough to be told there are certain times she can knock & other times it doesn't suit & that you find it intrusive. Hopefully then you can strike a suitable balance.

Highalert · 31/05/2017 19:36

Mind you at 9 and 10 mine would have probably gone to the local park on their own with their mates.

Original poster
thesqueezedlemon · 31/05/2017 19:36

Am I allowed to answer minty
NO!
I have had her over at inconvenient times. Yesterday, I hadn't been shopping. There wasn't much in for tea. She was bugging me to let her stay for tea. I had to change the only meal I had planned so she could eat with the dcs. Then she wanted me to take her to the park. I was trying to order my shopping on my phone while cleaning up after dinner. "Are we going yet" "can we go yet" Then overheard "ask your mum if I can sleep"

OP posts:
Kintan · 31/05/2017 19:37

Have you spoken to her parents about her becoming a nuisance?

DontTouchTheMoustache · 31/05/2017 19:37

Op the word stalking is potentially quite triggering for people so that's probably why people are a bit upset with your use of it in the title. Have you tried talking to her parents and asking them to have a chat with her. She may not be very good at Reading social cues and not realise that she is annoying you

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