MIL trying to rename my baby...

[JonSnowsWhore]

I need to know if it's just me or if I'm justified in how fucking fuming I am...

Had baby Wednesday morning, we had decided on his name before he was born & i added a middle name that meant something to me so of course my OH could also pick one if he wanted. He didn't come up with anything.
Say the name we picked was Harry James surname.
Today, in the car on our way to register the baby, his mum is on the phone to him, he's being very quiet so I guess it's something he doesn't want me to know about. Next thing I know when we've got out the car I've got texts on my from from her saying naming the baby is a big thing & please don't rush into anything, also please let my OH have an input as it's important. That she's spoken to OH's dad, & rest of the family, and they all agree that Christopher Harry Jack surname is a lovely name & we should consider it!!!

This name has literally never been mentioned by either of us before & I still have no idea where it came from or why the hell they as a family are sitting there discussing what mine & my OH's baby's name should be when he's already here & had that name for 6 days!
Now he's ended up with Christopher as a random bloody middle name, which would have been fine if I'd was my OH's choice but I know it's not, I know it's hers!

If your mother in law desperately wanted Christopher as his first name, you can be sure that is how she will be referring to him in the future ( at least in her mind!), if you are not careful. She may tell her friends she has a new grandson called Christopher without your knowledge. Please speak to your husband and say that you are concerned this may be the case and it is undermining your authority as parents and that you really want to try and change it as it is upsetting you. Ask him to think really hard about a name he prefers instead. If you have a Christening ( or the Greek equivalent) she can find out then when it's too late.

JohnSnowsWhore Ha ha, most people here reply to me with Schmoo.

Maybe, having made your points to your DH, you should give things a day or two to let the dust settle, then re-visit the subject. It'll be easier to discuss when he's feeling less defensive and you are feeling less frazzled. I'm sure DH knows he's in the wrong, and it's an opportunity to tell him that he's married to you and the time has come for him to understand that he needs to put you first, not his mother. If you don't sort it now and get your DH onside, this kind of behaviour from his mother will continue and you'll become increasingly resentful towards him for not having your back. Some MIL's can't let go and feel the need to be superiour to their sons' wives. One way of feeding this need is to get their own way and get one over on the wife. It's pretty pathetic really and what I supsect is happening here. Best to get it nipped right in the bud or she'll try to call the shots time and time again...
Btw, there is nothing tacky at all about Harley! Also, I've never considered Jack a nickname...I've always thought of it as a name in its own right. Love the combo too (but do think Christopher doesn't go and sounds a bit odd and random following Harley Jack. It's a bit odd that you haven't heard of or met this cousin...if your DH was close to this person (if he actually exists) then surely he'd have proffered the name himself...
DH will hopefully support you in having the name removed, even if only on the basis that you didn't have a chance to even discuss the name. All he has to do is tell his mother that he and his wife - the mother of his newborn son - didn't have a chance to talk through whether they actually wanted the name Christopher, that calling en route to have him registered put you both under undue pressure, you have both decided you really don't care for the name and think it sounds odd and ungainly with your other choices. He could explain that you both feared others would be inclined to call him Christopher when it is not a name either of you likes.
If you can, encourage your DH to choose something else, something he actually likes, and remove his mother's opportunity to express outrage to all an sundry at the fact 'he didn't get a look in, she had all the say' BS (putting words in her mouth here but you get the gist).
If your DH actually put his mother in her place, I'll bet he'll feel relieved.
Anyhow, try to enjoy your lovely little arrival...it'll work itself out, I'm sure.

I think your little boys name is lovely.
When I was pregnant with my dd my mil kept going on and on about naming the baby after her.
I couldn't help but laugh at her every time because there was no way I was calling my dd carol.
My own mum died years ago and I didn't even use her name in dds name so mil had no chance.

I have to say that your MIL has been an utter dick over this and your DH has been a complete doormat.
I can't believe that they did this to you on the way to the registry office, how very fucking rude of them!

Anyway - DS1 has 2 middle names, one of which I don't like much but it's after DH's dad so I let it stand, and the other of which is my maiden name because I wanted the connection - DH doesn't like it much but let it stand. To be honest, we almost never write out his full name - he does know it, but he'll never use it all except on very official forms, because in fact there isn't enough space for all the letters on most forms! So he goes by 1st name, 2nd and 3rd initials, surname.
2nd middle names are nearly always reduced to just initials anyway, so you'll probably not hear the hated middle name from one end of the year to the next, unless your MIL tries to take it a step further and actually call him by that name - but IF she does that then you have a simple response: Do it again and we'll change the birth certificate and remove that name completely.

Good luck - and make sure this is the last time your DH lets her get one over on you, or your life is going to be fucking miserable dealing with this kind of matriarchal oneupmanship shit.

@BeepBeepMove what are your kids names? Im sure we would all love to know.

Beepbeep, Jack is my nephews name. It's actually very commonly used nowadays and it's a lovely name.
My sons name is Sebastian. Would you like to rip into that as well?

If you had a point to make it was lost in your rudeness.

It's a gorgeous name OP. I love the idea of someone up thread. Tell your MIL you'd rather it wasn't used as it reminds you of an ex/bully from school etc and you don't want to associate it with your beautiful little boy.

I bet Beep's dc are India, Poppy and Maximilian and that she doesn't let them play with children whose names are not approved by her. Beep also has more time than she used to to spend on mn as she recently was asked to leave her radio job.

Could be worse, I have several male cousins with Mary as their second middle name - for religious reasons. Only found out at their various weddings.

Why did you actually do what she said? Utterly bizarre that you'd do anything other than just say to DP 'is your mum on drugs?'. Perhaps this is a turning point OP, get it changed and stop letting her walk all over you.

Ahhh LOL.
Harley Jack.
I hope your surname is not Davidson.

wrooom wrooom

Sorry, but your son better get used to it. People are usually shits when they can.

If she tries calling him Christopher instead of Harley then you can tell her that if you ever hear her or any of her friends using that name alone again then you will remove it from his birth certificate. Then you have some leverage over her and hopefully by the year she will be used to calling him Harley. Then you don't actually have to change his name.

Harley isn't tacky unless you spell it Hahrleigh lol. Jack is an affectionate name for John so it is in effect a nickname (fil was named John aka jack as was a family friend) however in recent years it has become a proper name. Times change and names follow. I think Harley Jack is lovely and very up to date without being too trendy or 'out there'.

Wow your DH is getting it from all sides!

To the extent he wishes to. A man who has issues balancing the whims of his mother with the boundaries of his DW is a mummy's boy who needs to grow up. If he hasn't done that growing up until now he needs to understand this is the last time - the next time she wants to interfere in decisions that are for you both he runs it past you and he HAS TO get over his own reluctance to do so.

This business of colluding with mummy to sneak you up to the last minute and spring it on you suggests worse problems to be honest - sneaking his mother's wishes past you into your marriage is NOT what he promised to do when he married you. Is he a liar? The worse prospect is that he agrees or even chose the name and has communicated with his mother rather than you.

I would have it out with him when you are less tired and more calm, making it crystal fucking clear he needs to be married to you, not a two year old at his mother's bosom creating drama and problems.

I couldn't help but laugh at her every time because there was no way I was calling my dd carol.

My sister's in laws had a hissy fit as she refused to name her newborn Mandy (baby Mandy ffs! I don't think anyone has been named Mandy in about 40 years. It wasn't even a family name!)

Now you're making it up boysofmelody

She can't change your ds name. She can't register the birth. The problem is with your partner being wet.

My mum hated DD's name (Tabitha) and when I told her it for the first time she said 'what!!!! No, Isabelle is much nicer - what about Isabelle?' .... then she phoned me and had the cheek to say she's spoken to my dad, grandad, uncle and her partner and they all hated the name!!! And she said they're all going to call her Beth instead!!!!!

My brother sorted the situation and eventually my mum apologised about six months later - all this was happening by the way whilst I was just in hospital alone after an emergency section 37 hours after waters broke so it was a lengthy delivery!!

Just tell her no!!

The only child I know called Harley is about 10-ish and has older, quite posh/intellectual parents, so I assumed it was in the same category as old-lady names for girls these days (Maud/Beatrice/Prudence etc.).

Jack is a v. old name and according to Wikipedia dates back to the Middle Ages in England.

So poster above getting her knickers in a twist about Harley Jack IBU, but OP's MIL IBVVVVU to get involved at all. I would have refused to register the birth today at all after that convo, and your DH needs to have a serious think about who comes first in his marriage - his wife or his mother.

Get it changed if you can. (Does your OH have to agree to this though? ) If he's only 6 days old and your MIL is already this interfering, be on your guard, she'll possibly get worse. And if/when you decide to have another child, stick with the name you want.

If you do change your son’s registered name I’d check with the registrar where you registered him on the procedure you have to follow. I had a quick search of the gov.uk website and the law’s changed since I changed my own names (one forename and my surname and different rules for an adult) in 2002. It was simpler then and I was an adult acting for myself. I had no problems getting my new name recognised and used by all the important bodies. I imagine international security concerns have prompted the legal changes.

You and DH can do this – it needs all parties with parental responsibility to agree – so try not to sweat about it until you’re ready to cope with it. Perhaps think about sending MIL a copy of the new birth certificate and wish you were a fly on the wall!

Have you already registered the name? If you haven't, ask OH...do you honestly want this name...if he's not fussed, just don't do it!
If it's done, just forget about it, never refer to it, and ignore all comments on it....but learn from this, don't let anyone influence your thinking about your child/life again!

Beep also has more time than she used to to spend on mn as she recently was asked to leave her radio job

God your mil sounds a massive pain!

Funny enough all the names mentioned are lovely apart from Christopher which I can't stand.

Had yo laugh at Mandy and Carol as was st school with loads of these but it was 1972!!

I would seek to change it if your dh agrees snd now you know what she's like op be ready for further madness.

Now you're making it up boysofmelody

I couldn't scarcely believe it either, but 100% true.

Catching up on comments after my looong sleep I sooo wish I'd thought of the ex boyfriend thing or something similar! I was too angry & just wild to even think of anything smart like that.

I think the reason it sounds odd to me is you know upthread I said Jack was after my aunt who was Jackie, well she was my aunt through being married to my uncle (she was such an important person in my life, a real friend aswell) & guess what my uncle is called? Fucking Christopher! So if people on my side hear the middles names Jack Christopher (I'd already told people Jack was going to be after my aunt) it'll sound like I've named him after both my aunt & uncle

Everyone is absolutely right in saying my OH is being a mummy's boy & trying to keep her happy but I think he knows now that I won't put up with the bullshit. At the end of the day he fell in love with me because I'm a bit firey & well, mental at times so he can't have expected me to just lie back & take it & not have said anything back to her. (He was very worried about a big argument happening when I text her back!) but when he spoke to her later on and he told her we'd registered him as Harley she did just say something like aww that's lovely, so I think she knows not to push anything too far now. But time will tell, I'll probably be here next week with another problem annoying as she genuinely is nice most of the time & I don't want to be one of those who doesn't get on with the in laws (been there & it's a nightmare)