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Original poster

MIL trying to rename my baby...

262 replies

JonSnowsWhore · 30/05/2017 20:30

I need to know if it's just me or if I'm justified in how fucking fuming I am...

Had baby Wednesday morning, we had decided on his name before he was born & i added a middle name that meant something to me so of course my OH could also pick one if he wanted. He didn't come up with anything.
Say the name we picked was Harry James surname.
Today, in the car on our way to register the baby, his mum is on the phone to him, he's being very quiet so I guess it's something he doesn't want me to know about. Next thing I know when we've got out the car I've got texts on my from from her saying naming the baby is a big thing & please don't rush into anything, also please let my OH have an input as it's important. That she's spoken to OH's dad, & rest of the family, and they all agree that Christopher Harry Jack surname is a lovely name & we should consider it!!!

This name has literally never been mentioned by either of us before & I still have no idea where it came from or why the hell they as a family are sitting there discussing what mine & my OH's baby's name should be when he's already here & had that name for 6 days!
Now he's ended up with Christopher as a random bloody middle name, which would have been fine if I'd was my OH's choice but I know it's not, I know it's hers!

OP posts:
Sammysquiz · 30/05/2017 22:11

I have Greek inlaws and had the same issue! We had our DS and said we were going to call him John, and they immediately said please could you call him James instead, because James was meant to be FIL's name, but his parents were talked out of it by their own parents, and he'd always resented not being called James. So he'd lived his whole life upset that his grandparents intervened with his name, then wanted to do the same to our baby!!

We didn't back down, but I've always been cross about the fact that they even suggested it.

MooPointCowsOpinion · 30/05/2017 22:16

He's going out? Wtf? You've just had a baby!

emmyhNL · 30/05/2017 22:16

OP: what did your MIL respond to your reply? Did she give one?

AberdeenAngusina · 30/05/2017 22:17

I think I'd be passive aggressive and start asking questions about "cousin Christopher" Obviously, you're bound to be interested in the person whose name is now your son's middle name. Ask your DH about his childhood memories of cousin Christopher, when he last saw cousin Christopher, when you can expect to meet cousin Christopher. Ask why cousin Christopher wasn't at your wedding. Be puzzled. Ask again. And again. Ask to see photos. Keep going till your DH is heartily sick of the name.

happypoobum · 30/05/2017 22:18

Aberdeen I like your style Grin

ItsAYesFromMe · 30/05/2017 22:20

Tell MIL that you've had a change of heart and decided to instead carry on a name from your family tree, Harry James Balonz Grin

confuugled1 · 30/05/2017 22:28

I'd be telling dh that you really really don't like Christopher and like it even less because of the way that mil sprang it on you, that you don't want to honour an unknown cousin or whatever it is that she thinks you should be calling him after, but if he wants any other name then to think of it and you'll go back and change it asap.

I ended up giving ds2 a middle name that I still have no idea where it came from - we were at the registrars office, on the day of the deadline for the names to be registered. We'd spent so long trying to figure out his first name that we (well I) hadn't really considered his second name... I had a list of ones I didn't mind, thought dh was on the same page and that we'd pick one of them... I also threw in that I wanted to include my surname as I haven't changed it on getting married so thought it would be a sensible thing to do, regretted not doing it for ds1, hadn't thought about it at the time. DH immediately said no way to my surname as he thought it wasn't fair on ds1 - that we should add it to both their names later at the same time (and we're disorganised - I knew we wouldn't and we still haven't years on). And as for middle names - no idea where the one we ended up came from. Wasn't on my list, wasn't aware it was on dh's list... I even burst into tears at the registrar's and she sent us off to another room to have a cup of tea and a chat as she didn't have anyone in the appointment after us Blush...

Don't be like my gran - out of the blue one day she asked my dad how to go about changing names... Dad pointed out that as she was in her 80s wasn't it a bit late for her to change her name? Oh no, she wanted to change dad's name - she wanted eg oliver for the middle name, her bossy big sister's husband died not long before dad was born and insisted that his name was used as dad's middle name eg Robin. And as bossy big sister had died a few weeks before, she realised that she shouldn't have been dictated to, and that she was now free to call her child what she wanted SadGrin. Needless to say, Dad was somewhat bemused, pointed out that he had been using his name for over half a century and was used to it, and did not want the hassle of changing it so it would be staying the same (not least because he used it professionally and it would have caused serious hassles to have to change it on everything).

But he was upset that she felt that way about his name, and that his sister had bullied her into using a name that she didn't want to and that it was something that obviously still rankled with her decades down the line SadAngry

Original poster
JonSnowsWhore · 30/05/2017 22:30

lol I do like you suggestion Aberdeen!

No he's not gone out, just went to strop in the bedroom. I got a bit upset (again) & he's come out to apologise & said sorry he's been an idiot & tried to cuddle me. Said we're just stressed & tired. Nothing mentioned about the name thing Hmm

At least he tried I suppose, I'll leave it at that tonight I can't be bothered to argue anymore, he is right about one thing, we're stressed & tired.
(Not first baby btw, but he is my last, which is a bit of a sad thought)

OP posts:
RainbowChasing · 30/05/2017 22:35

Italian in-laws sound pretty similar to Greek ones and we had a similar situation after dd was born. We decided on a name the day after she was born and told his mum and sister who went very quiet. It's tradition in many Italian families to name the child after the grandparents on the father's side. So even though my mil had always said it was an old fashioned tradition which she didn't like, and she hates her own first name anyway, it actually turns out that she was gutted and everybody in the family was gutted that we hadn't called dd after my mil. My dh made the stupid mistake of announcing the name officially to them by saying this "We were thinking of having Poppy Isabella. What do you think?" rather than saying "Her name is Poppy Isabella". Anyway, mil went home and then came back at 11pm that night with my fil in tow to badger us into changing the first name to either her name or something more Italian. I had had a very traumatic and long 3 day labour, it was the day after she was born and I was shattered and they thought it was appropriate to turn up at that time of night to basically have a go at us about our dd's name. They told us that they didn't like the name we'd chosen because it was weird and dd would get teased for having this name and then proceeded to give us a list of about 50 hideous/weird Italian names that would be better (Grimelda was one of these Grin)! Anyway, I refused to take part in this conversation and went to bed leaving dh to deal with them. So dd was registered the name we originally chose but my mil wasn't having any of that and for the first 2 years of dd's life my mil insisted on calling her by her middle name instead of her first name. I was livid to start with and wanted to have it out with her but my dh just told me to ignore her (he's a mummy's boy so wouldn't actually speak up and tell her she was being unreasonable) and then when my dd was two she told my mil that her name was Poppy, not Isabella, and my mil hasn't called her Isabella since. I really like my mil and we get on we'll but she went temporarily crazy after my dd was born. I'm expecting the same again once the new baby arrives.

Btw Poppy Isabella isn't the name we chose- first name is a very popular Top Ten UK name, and her middle name is a very pretty less popular Italian name. Everybody I know adores her name...except the in-laws!

BeepBeepMOVE · 30/05/2017 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
JonSnowsWhore · 30/05/2017 22:40

Hold on I'm on here saying what my baby is called & you want to come on here saying it's tacky??? Fuck you! & Jack is after my aunt who died this year & was called Jackie, is that alright with you???

OP posts:
thatdearoctopus · 30/05/2017 22:40

Harley is sort of tacky and jack is a nickname

Shock Shock Shock Don't be so bloody rude!! Those are the names they've chosen ffs, because they like them! Haven't they had enough interference for one day?

NellieFiveBellies · 30/05/2017 22:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MooPointCowsOpinion · 30/05/2017 22:41

Bravo jonsnow, well put.

Oswin · 30/05/2017 22:42

Fucking hell beep how rude are you.

Jack and harley are real bloody names.

Clutterbugsmum · 30/05/2017 22:42

I'd ask her if Christopher was/is the black sheep of the family as she or anyone in DH family have ever mentioned anyone named that in all your dealing with DH family.

Unless of course she has some unrequited love for a man called Christopher Grin.

DerelictWreck · 30/05/2017 22:42

Jesus BeepBeepMove rude much??

Why don't you beep beep move off the thread if you've got nothing nice to say

Italiangreyhound · 30/05/2017 22:43

Beep what rot.

Harley and Jack are lovely names.

Missingthepoint · 30/05/2017 22:43

BeepBeep - So Jack is a Nick Name - I disagree. My nephew is Jack and so are MANY MANY young men today. Like many names it originated as a short/alternative to John but for nearly half a century it has been a name in it's own right. I think OP should go back tomorrow and get Christopher removed. As you say very few people use more than one middle name so they might as well remove it altogether. The parents have the right to decide their children's names and the MIL is bang out of order.

AcrossthePond55 · 30/05/2017 22:44

Got it JonSnow. Then she really is out of order. I wonder if this has more to do with exerting control over you and DH or claiming some type of 'ownership' over your DC than it has to do with the name itself.

I'd change it quietly and with no public 'fanfare' about the change. Because every time she sees or writes DC's full name it will reinforce to her that 'she named him that'. When she does find out, if she asks why, simply say that upon reflection you didn't want him to have two middle names or that the three names just didn't sound 'right' together.

BillyButtfuck · 30/05/2017 22:44

Harley and Jack are really lovely names. Don't listen to a goady fucker, they're even less relevant than your MIL.

Original poster
JonSnowsWhore · 30/05/2017 22:45

Anyone on this thread remember the thread I started just before my baby was born, about people being rude about people's name choices & calling them Jeremy Kyle/chavvy type names??
Told you my name choice would be 'one of those!' To some rude people

OP posts:
Benedikte2 · 30/05/2017 22:45

OP the registrar doesn't issue a new certificate but will just cross out Christopher and put a note in the margin to say it was deleted at parents' request. Will look messy and it will prompt questions for the rest of DS's life.
Just leave it on the certificate but fail to include it on official forms etc.

ToadsforJustice · 30/05/2017 22:46

I would say it is tacky and rude to comment on someone's name.

NotAMammy · 30/05/2017 22:46

Wow BeepBeep that's pretty fucking rude. Harley and Jack are both actual names. It's not 1702 where children have to be called a saints name.

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