MIL trying to rename my baby...

[JonSnowsWhore]

I need to know if it's just me or if I'm justified in how fucking fuming I am...

Had baby Wednesday morning, we had decided on his name before he was born & i added a middle name that meant something to me so of course my OH could also pick one if he wanted. He didn't come up with anything.
Say the name we picked was Harry James surname.
Today, in the car on our way to register the baby, his mum is on the phone to him, he's being very quiet so I guess it's something he doesn't want me to know about. Next thing I know when we've got out the car I've got texts on my from from her saying naming the baby is a big thing & please don't rush into anything, also please let my OH have an input as it's important. That she's spoken to OH's dad, & rest of the family, and they all agree that Christopher Harry Jack surname is a lovely name & we should consider it!!!

This name has literally never been mentioned by either of us before & I still have no idea where it came from or why the hell they as a family are sitting there discussing what mine & my OH's baby's name should be when he's already here & had that name for 6 days!
Now he's ended up with Christopher as a random bloody middle name, which would have been fine if I'd was my OH's choice but I know it's not, I know it's hers!

MrsHathaway, that is weird. I looked at the section of the government website about birth certificates and it says you can reregister, the passport office section says you must. No wonder we poor mortals get confused.

The good thing for OP if she isn't married is she can reregister.

Harley is a terrific name. :)

I had similar, and ended up naming DS after both his maternal and paternal grandfathers. (Italian family)

I do not hate the names at all, and have come to love his first name, but I regret in some ways the 'ownership' over my son.

I love the name Harley. I immediately associated it with Harley Davison so assume it must be a "Proper" name. I wish him a long happy life!!

@MrsHathaway yep we were told when we went to register our child's birth that we have to go back once we get married this summer to make her a "child of the marriage". My sister said she was told it's something to do with inheritance when she re-registered hers post-marriage.

She's had her turn to name babies, now it is yours. Call him what you would like!!

Congratulations!

Now go and enjoy your scrummy newborn!

I would deffo not stand for that one bit.. and would make it clear her precious son didn't actually have any suggestions!

I'm glad so many people agree with me, I knew it wasn't just me that would think it was a completely bizarre & rude thing to do but just had to double check

No word from her since, well not to me but OH has been round there, she won't last long though before she's begging us to take the baby round there. And trying to babysit with us not around... he was only 4 days old & she was trying to send me home while he looked after him 😂 I should have known from then

Hi OP,hope you are feeling better about everything. So tis you decide what to do? Are you going to change it back to your choice? Get dp to add a name of his choice? Or keep as is?

Sorry if you alreadu said and I missed it.

At the moment I've decided not to bring it up again just yet. It was a horrible few days of us arguing just after the baby was born & it shouldn't have been like that. So I'm gonna leave it a week or so as we're getting on much better now, and then I'll have a talk with him about whether he genuinely wants it or if it's only there for his mum. & then go from there I suppose!

Good plan. Newborns are hard enough without extra stress. Don't let this spoil those precious first weeks. But don't be walked over either.

I am sure you will find lots of support and good advice with regards to your dilemma. You have every right to feel betrayed.

I felt very compelled to contact you. Your anger resonated with me. I tend to see some comparisons to my relationship with my MIL and the dynamic that exists between you, your husband and his mother.

You say your relationship is generally quite good. Whilst I do not profess to know you or your family, I believe that your MIL has no boundaries and that your husband has been bullied. He has bended to her request, knowing full well that it is wrong. He has given her the control in YOUR relationship. All of this under the guise of being "well meaning." This is a ruse and, if I am correct in my assumptions (and I acknowledge that it is just that...an assumption), it may have the capacity to derail your marriage completely. I would suggest you read about Narcissistic Parenting on Psychology Forums and see if this resonates with you.

My husband is under the spell of this type of control. You will be seen as the usurper, challenging her role as most important female in his life. Even as a 50+ year old adult my OH has been conditioned to remain a child with no power. He has no authority to challenge her power and is 'stuck' between his loyalty for her and his family. As a result, there were perpetually three people in our marriage (as well as three sisters who also saw this as their responsibility...urgh, so complicated)! Everything was twisted and manipulated to seem 'well meant' and I was crazy to think otherwise.

Please do not let this be you.
The final decision regarding your child's name is between you and your husband.

My exes mum used to call DD "girl" when she was a baby because she hated her name!! What an arsehole