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AIBU?

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Original poster

MIL trying to rename my baby...

262 replies

JonSnowsWhore · 30/05/2017 20:30

I need to know if it's just me or if I'm justified in how fucking fuming I am...

Had baby Wednesday morning, we had decided on his name before he was born & i added a middle name that meant something to me so of course my OH could also pick one if he wanted. He didn't come up with anything.
Say the name we picked was Harry James surname.
Today, in the car on our way to register the baby, his mum is on the phone to him, he's being very quiet so I guess it's something he doesn't want me to know about. Next thing I know when we've got out the car I've got texts on my from from her saying naming the baby is a big thing & please don't rush into anything, also please let my OH have an input as it's important. That she's spoken to OH's dad, & rest of the family, and they all agree that Christopher Harry Jack surname is a lovely name & we should consider it!!!

This name has literally never been mentioned by either of us before & I still have no idea where it came from or why the hell they as a family are sitting there discussing what mine & my OH's baby's name should be when he's already here & had that name for 6 days!
Now he's ended up with Christopher as a random bloody middle name, which would have been fine if I'd was my OH's choice but I know it's not, I know it's hers!

OP posts:
Paddingtonbearscoat · 30/05/2017 22:47

Beep beep how bloody rude, are you the ops mil?

myshinynewusername · 30/05/2017 22:47

I assume that BeepBeep has called her precious son Humphrey Fauntleroy and anything else simply won't do.

Grin
velvetcandy · 30/05/2017 22:48

Tell her to piss off. She's named her kids now it's your turn and your baby! Some people love all the control

Witchend · 30/05/2017 22:49

Go and change it.
Your ds will thank you every time he has to fill out a form and doesn't have to write Christopher on it.

Original poster
JonSnowsWhore · 30/05/2017 22:49

Argh talk about wind me up further. I know random internet people shouldn't bother me but bloody hell, how rude. & im an emotional wreck at the moment so had to stop myself from typing much worse than that 😡

I think I need a lie down

OP posts:
Frazzledmum123 · 30/05/2017 22:50

Fwiw I'm now seriously considering Harley for my imaginary 4th child that my husband has forbidden me to have OP, I love the name! Some people just don't know when to keep their opinions to themselves Angry

Smellbellina · 30/05/2017 22:52

Wow your DH is getting it from all sides!

BeepBeepMOVE · 30/05/2017 22:53

Maybe that came out slightly wrong but I think the opinion holds that MIL being from an older generation may have?

I have family called jack though I would say it's still a nickname and you only have to be on the baby names thread for 5 minutes to see how many people have a problem with nickname names.

And Harley is a certain type of name, it's obviously far less classic than Christopher- though I don't like that name either.

Sorry it's not an opinion you like though this is Aibu but could it actually be the reason behind MILs actions?

SteamTrainsRealAleandOpenFires · 30/05/2017 22:54

Just reported beep for shit stirring. Grin

BillyButtfuck · 30/05/2017 22:54

It didn't come out with wrong beep it came out bloody rude.

Original poster
JonSnowsWhore · 30/05/2017 22:55

I know smell & he's genuinely a lovely person so I suppose if it wasn't me in this situation I'd feel for him a bit...

It will probably always grate on me that it was her choice & not his to put the name in but if people are right & it's not properly removed then I suppose I'll just have to leave it.

At least they both know that I did not appreciate the interfering, I'm glad I did stand up for myself a little bit & text her back, I don't want her to think I'm a complete push over

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 30/05/2017 22:56

I love the name OP.
I kind of think mil suggested christopher just so he isn't named harley and that there isn't really a christopher in the family ...what do you think? Change it back anyway!

Benedikte2 · 30/05/2017 22:57

Can't believe anyone would criticise your choice of names OP. All the more mean since she knows you've been upset and have just given birth. It's a perfectly good name and one your DS can grow into. Jack has been a name for hundreds of years, hence the surnames Jackson and Jackman.
Enjoy your DS.

TheNoodlesIncident · 30/05/2017 22:57

Some people just don't have a filter (or any manners) OP. Don't let it get to you. They're great names in my opinion.

Not Christopher though. Nothing wrong with it but not what you wanted and it will bug you anytime you see it; which will be more often than you would like. Imagine filling in a passport application for your little guy...Go oooooon, get it deleted

Original poster
JonSnowsWhore · 30/05/2017 22:57

I'm aware that not everyone who reads this thread is going to like the name but there's a big difference between if you haven't got anything nice to say... and just being out right rude & saying my sons name is tacky

OP posts:
mumblebees · 30/05/2017 22:58

YANBU for goodness sake, what is it with some MIL's at the moment?? I have a MIL problem too but different from yours. DO NOT be bullied into changing babies name. Your baby, your choice. Congratulations by the way Flowers

Smellbellina · 30/05/2017 23:03

You can't blame him for his mum though. Neither of you needed to add Christopher but you both did.
Family relationships are a nightmare! Don't forget he's had many more years of it than you, and a big part of their dynamic will have been set before you ever came along. I think give him a break, enjoy your baby, be a team.
But then again I am single so what do I know!

Original poster
JonSnowsWhore · 30/05/2017 23:06

Well smell someone has got to try & be the voice of reason amongst us crazies who want to cause havoc & get the name deleted, call MIL fanny from now on Grin

I love him to pieces & want us to enjoy these next few days but today just really pissed me off as you can tell. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day

OP posts:
beachesbecray · 30/05/2017 23:08

My MIL has taken it upon herself to refer to my SIL's baby as a much girlier, babyish nickname than her given name. So say baby is named Elizabeth Roberta (no hyphen) shortened to Liz, MIL insists on calling her Elizzy-Bobbee (sorry, terrible made up examples but didn't want to offend!) She's the only that does it in the whole family and the parents have never used it. I don't think she thinks the baby's name is cutesy enough (which is a classic name for adulthood but also cute on a child) and is also big on girls being stuck to old fashioned gender roles and making the name so girly is part of it - "why isn't she wearing a pretty dress? Ooh, such a pretty lickle girly wurly: she'll have all the men in the family wrapped round her finger with those eyes" etc.

Irrationally drives me nuts and I think SIL too! Think she regrets the cumbersome names she gave her kids - which is why you should put your foot down now OP before it drives you bonkers! It's your bloody choice. Congrats by the way 😍

BeepBeepMOVE · 30/05/2017 23:09

Okay then steam let's no one try and help OP understand why her MIL might be acting like a knob. We shall all just say, "gosh she's horrid, aww... lovely name." Is that really helpful? I think my post is the only one that could actually explain MILs actions.

OP will already know that not everyone will love baby's name. There is no name everyone will love. People slag off other peoples baby's names everyday on the baby names topic.

RiversrunWoodville · 30/05/2017 23:12

FWIW (probably nothing!) I think Harley Jack is lovely I had Harley and Jake (so close) as choices if dd2 had turned out to be a boy. We had our choices for girls names picked out too and were quite clear and then I announced to DH in no uncertain terms at 6 weeks pg that she was a girl and she was called a totally different name (which seems to be unusual in Northern Ireland) Having lost our twins previously and almost not made it myself he was a bit Hmm but fine with it and it really suits her, he did have much more input with dd1

Smellbellina · 30/05/2017 23:13

It would piss anyone off!! But don't let it be the lasting memory of these first few days is what I mean.
Make love not war? It's the kind of argument that could go on forever, where as middle name pale into significance fairly quickly in comparison.
Ahh feeling broody for a lovely little newborn now

LittleBeautyBelle · 30/05/2017 23:14

Harley Jack is wonderful!! I hope you go asap and take Christopher out. I like that name but no way would I leave that in there after mil said to do it!!! Your mil is not your child's mother, you are!

In fact, if it were me, I would go change the name tomorrow, take out Christopher and add a third name of my own choosing to underline the fact that mil DOES NOT GET A SAY. And put your own surname in.

Harley Jack-another name you like-your surname + his surname.

I guarantee your mil will get the message much more clearly you doing this than a halfhearted giving in, kinda standing up to her.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 30/05/2017 23:15

I don't want to upset you but just thought this might be useful, a friend of mine changed her mind about her daughter's name after registration. She went back to change it but the original name was still on the long birth certificate, don't know about the short one. I don't know if this has changed but at the time, and it was maybe 40 years ago, they said the original name would always show on the long birth certificate. I don't know if this has changed but it might be worth finding out as it might influence what you do now

At least as recently as 3 years ago this was still the case

Original poster
JonSnowsWhore · 30/05/2017 23:15

Yes but this isn't the name board where I've asked for anyone else's opinion on my chosen name. & to me there is no explanation for her actions, you just don't sit round & have a discussion about what someone else should call their baby! Least of all text them trying to suggest other names when he's already had that name since he was born! You just don't do that

OP posts:
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