MIL trying to rename my baby...

[JonSnowsWhore]

I need to know if it's just me or if I'm justified in how fucking fuming I am...

Had baby Wednesday morning, we had decided on his name before he was born & i added a middle name that meant something to me so of course my OH could also pick one if he wanted. He didn't come up with anything.
Say the name we picked was Harry James surname.
Today, in the car on our way to register the baby, his mum is on the phone to him, he's being very quiet so I guess it's something he doesn't want me to know about. Next thing I know when we've got out the car I've got texts on my from from her saying naming the baby is a big thing & please don't rush into anything, also please let my OH have an input as it's important. That she's spoken to OH's dad, & rest of the family, and they all agree that Christopher Harry Jack surname is a lovely name & we should consider it!!!

This name has literally never been mentioned by either of us before & I still have no idea where it came from or why the hell they as a family are sitting there discussing what mine & my OH's baby's name should be when he's already here & had that name for 6 days!
Now he's ended up with Christopher as a random bloody middle name, which would have been fine if I'd was my OH's choice but I know it's not, I know it's hers!

Sorry my phone is playing up so I'm way behind replying. Anyway I'm off to get some sleep now, god knows what other mental outbursts I'll have if I don't

I shall look into the birth certificate thing tomorrow, as if it'll just be crossed out I probably won't do it :(

you just don't sit round & have a discussion about what someone else should call their baby
Ahh my family does! (Not me I hasten to add) It's pot luck which sort of family you're born into. Stressful to be on the receiving end off too. If it was friends you'd tell them where to go, family's not so easy.

Beep you dont call someone's baby's name "tacky" and say it came out wrong. Its a pretty horrible thing to say. Are you katie Hopkins

My arsehole MIL decided she didn't want me to name my DD Madeleine.
So she said it would just remind people of Maddie McCann all the time!
Nasty piece of work so glad we are NC now

Since when is Jack a nickname? Seriously?

And Beepbeep you could have said the very same thing but nicely, you could have said "is there a chance your mil is more traditional and Harley might be too modern/different for her" - that's not what I think by the way, I just mean there is a nice way to say things, it would be different if op said "aibu to ask you what you think of my name choice" but she clearly didn't

Haven't read all the posts but I disagree with the poster who said Christopher will only be used on legal docs/ forms etc.
Your MIL, by the sounds of her, will use the fact that Christopher is part of his full name to allow her to at least attempt to manipulate things. I think she'll attempt to call him Christopher everytime she sees him and you'll be constantly correcting her to his given first name. Even if she accepts Christopher as a middle name she'll probably have little sly digs. I think it's a control thing tbh. She feels aggrieved on your son's behalf that he didn't choose a middle name when you did (which is ridiculous ad misplaced as your DH was given the opportunity to choose a name and didn't).
In your shoes, I would explain to your DH that, had he chosen the name of his own volition you would be happy to let it be. As it is, you know he had no interest in choosing a name until his mother's call. You are unhappy that it's his mother's choice, not his. You don't like the crude and manipulative way his mother went about things (calling when you are en route to register the baby) and for this reason you would like to return and have the name removed.
Give him the choice of choosing another name if he wishes (but make sure he doesn't call his mother for her second choice!)
Whatever I did, I would not be keeping Christopher as part of his name after your DH's mother's behaviour.
What a cheek the woman has!

Schmoo I have literally said every single point you made there already :)

My older son has a different dad & we both chose a middle name each. I don't particularly like the name he chose but he chose it for a good reason, after his uncle, so was more than happy to have that put in there. Had Christopher been his choice then same goes, I don't particularly like the name but it still would have been his choice, not hers

Sorry shmoo, spelt name wrong

I would have the name removed on principle as I suspect she will now start calling him Christopher!

Okay then steam let's no one try and help OP understand why her MIL might be acting like a knob. We shall all just say, "gosh she's horrid

How bizarre. Why would the OP waste her time wondering why the MIL is behaving as she is? She is acting inappropriately and that is all there is to it. She had her chance naming her own kids she does not get a say with grandchildren's names.

I would just squash this behaviour, I sure as hell wouldn't waste my baby's early days trying to understand why she thought her tedious control freakery would be welcome. Who cares quite frankly.

Now you've given the actual names it's very obvious what the issue is to me. Harley is sort of tacky and jack is a nickname whereas Christopher is a proper name. She obviously wanted a proper name over tacky or nickname.

What the "issue is here" is YOU!

Harley is a proper name...look it up.
Jack is also a proper name...look that one up as well / :rolleyes: & yes I'm sure we ALL KNOW unlike you that it started out as "an ickname".

BTW...The OP's MIL has acted like a knob by insisting that "Christopher" has to be added.

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Beaches sorry, but Elizzy-Bobbee, sounds so 30s-50's America to me.
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My Oppols OP for this post. & lots of .

You could have replied, well I'm not sure cos my first boyfriend was called Christopher and I'd hate his family to think the baby was named after him

Does the MIL choice/Christopher name have any associations for you at all?

I would be unashamedly manipulative - approach MIL directly and say ' I know Christopher is an important name to your family but... 'its the name of my ex/a bully from school/my Familys black sheep uncle who did unspecified unspeakable things: I was a bit blindsided when you came up with it on the day we were registering it (you manipulative cow) but Ive tried because I know it means something to you (see Im a reasonable person) but its really upsetting me to have this association with the name and I just cant use it for my my perfect innocent boy.
That way even if you cant change it now you can always shut her down if she tries to use it as his name

Yes, its totally underhand bollocks, but so is her 'cousin Christopher'

Beep beep it didn't come out wrong, you were rude and nasty.

Firstly, Jack isn't a nickname, it's a proper name.

Harley, whilst it is a modern name, is a perfectly ordinary, nice, respectable name. Certainly not tacky.

Very rude to say so to someone who's already just named their brand new baby.

Whether or not mil believes that her name choices are better and more traditional, it is not her right to try to impose this on op, because it's nothing to do with her..

Op I'd try to relax because you're probably knackered and hormonal. You can always change it and even if you don't it's not the end of the world. Just watch mil overstepping boundaries in future.

And yeah, scratch Cbristopher and see if DP has another name he'd like to choose instead.

go back and change it. Take her advice though. You have to think a name through carefully so you cant possibly use hers dropped on you at a moments notice.

Then you are both unhappy. She does not like the name Harley and was hoping you would change it to something more traditional. Having it in there means she will use it rather than his first name because it is a "family" name. Explain to hub that you had decided way back and that unless he can come up with a good reason for acquiescence, you want it removed. End of. Next time you have a child, leave your phones at home when doing the registration trip. Also, wind them up a bit by suggesting a name they will hate just for a laugh...

I don't want to upset you but just thought this might be useful, a friend of mine changed her mind about her daughter's name after registration. She went back to change it but the original name was still on the long birth certificate, don't know about the short one. I don't know if this has changed but at the time, and it was maybe 40 years ago, they said the original name would always show on the long birth certificate. I don't know if this has changed but it might be worth finding out as it might influence what you do now.

I was going to write this ^^ as well. I changed my second DS' middle name after we registered him (which was about 13 years ago) ... to incorporate a family name as the second middle. In the process we slightly altered the first middle name to make the flow sound better. On the long form birth certificate the original name appears, with the new name as an amendment.

Having said that, it has never been an issue (I think for his first passport we had to fill in a line asking if he had had any previous names, but after that never even thought about it tbh). Still, good thing for you to be aware of. Better to choose the name you want him to have for life, even if it's not the only name on the long form.

Dontbesilly that absolutely cracked me up 😂....

Me too

OP yanbu - mils do not choose or have any input in the naming process. Next time keep names to yourself and DH till baby's registered and tell the old witch to jog on.

My grandmother did much the same thing, most offended her first granddaughter wasn't being named after her, so it was added as a second middle name, nobody uses it ever, so much so there were sniggers at my wedding because my parents were the only ones that had ever heard my very long real name.

She's not religious is she? If she is I bet it's feast day or some patron saint related.

I was thinking St Christopher too!

Could be handy if you travel a lot (JOKE)!

I've never heard the name Harley until now, and immediately warmed to it. Harley Jack. I love it.

You could be a touch sly, leave Christopher off all legal documents (passport etc) and just tell her you didn't like it so removed it. Its totally doable - I left one of my middle names off all my docs and you'd only know it existed if you saw my birth certificate.

There's nowt as queer as folk

Jeez YADNBU. Wtf?!? Congratulations too

I think Didactylos has the right idea. Don't say anything more and when MIL next mentions Christopher start giggling to yourself.
When pressed for an explanation say "ahhh its just the only Christopher I knew REALLY loved his plastic lawn flamingos. You know? Really loved them? He repeatedly "accidentally" tripped and fell schlong first into the hole he'd drilled in their beaks, he got stuck a few times. At least it saved his modesty somewhat. People be crazy heh? Christopher..."

Then buy MIL crap loads of flamingo motif stuff, and giggle and bring up flamingos every time she uses Christopher. Tell the story of "your" Christopher to all her friends too/at inappropriate times. Hopefully she'll be begging you to change it by that point.

Another who thinks you should get bit amended tomorrow, or asap. I think it will eat away at you otherwise.

I don't actually know how amended or deleted names show up on a birth certificate, but even if the deletion does show up, it will remind you of how you stood up to your MIL and didn't in the end let her have her way.

Harley Jack is a lovely name. Ignore the goady fucker up thread.