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AIBU?

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Original poster

MIL trying to rename my baby...

262 replies

JonSnowsWhore · 30/05/2017 20:30

I need to know if it's just me or if I'm justified in how fucking fuming I am...

Had baby Wednesday morning, we had decided on his name before he was born & i added a middle name that meant something to me so of course my OH could also pick one if he wanted. He didn't come up with anything.
Say the name we picked was Harry James surname.
Today, in the car on our way to register the baby, his mum is on the phone to him, he's being very quiet so I guess it's something he doesn't want me to know about. Next thing I know when we've got out the car I've got texts on my from from her saying naming the baby is a big thing & please don't rush into anything, also please let my OH have an input as it's important. That she's spoken to OH's dad, & rest of the family, and they all agree that Christopher Harry Jack surname is a lovely name & we should consider it!!!

This name has literally never been mentioned by either of us before & I still have no idea where it came from or why the hell they as a family are sitting there discussing what mine & my OH's baby's name should be when he's already here & had that name for 6 days!
Now he's ended up with Christopher as a random bloody middle name, which would have been fine if I'd was my OH's choice but I know it's not, I know it's hers!

OP posts:
Goingtobeawesome · 31/05/2017 13:05

I suspect t she doesn't like Harley and that is why she's done it. Maybe she's worried her mates will laugh Hmm.

squoosh · 31/05/2017 13:08

Diddums. Wouldn't it be awful if her friends laughed at her in the playground when they discover her new grandchild's name.

liquidrevolution · 31/05/2017 13:27

What is it with MILs and newborn babies? Mine accused me of poisoning my dd when she was 10 days old. I couldnt and didnt want to breastfeed. Angry I walked out and left Dh with DD and the only thing that worked in getting DH to see reason was my DDad saying to him 'remember your marriage vows'.

DH now at least listens to me and has my back when our views clash with PILs. You really need to sort this out and make sure your DH has your back.

I would amend the certificate. And not be quiet about doing so.

JamPasty · 31/05/2017 13:35

it'll sound like I've named him after both my aunt & uncle - that's perfect - just find a way to slip it into conversation with MIL that it now sounds like the baby is named entirely after your family, and there's no way she'll ever refer to DS as christopher :) :)

Frazzledmum123 · 31/05/2017 14:02

I'm glad you sound a lot more positive today op, try and think of it as, you have named him jack because of someone who means a lot to you and Christopher was chosen by dh because of someone who means a lot to him. It may not have been a name that he'd have chosen otherwise but maybe you wouldn't have chosen jack if it wasn't for your aunt. I know it isn't the same thing and I agree it was crap of MIL but it obviously meant something to dh to keep the peace with her or else he wouldn't have risked upsetting you so try and think of it as doing something for him not her after all. At least now he knows not to risk taking her side in future Grin

Frazzledmum123 · 31/05/2017 14:02

Oh and congratulations on your baby too x

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 31/05/2017 14:05

People go crazy over baby names and wanting their "legacy" passed on.

When I was pregnant, I had an appointment at the hospital and got a taxi there. Taxi drivers mum had called and I could hear because it went on Bluetooth. The driver is desperately trying too get her off the phone
Her - where you going?
Him - dropping a lady off at the maternity unit.
Her - ooh boy or girl?
Me - girl....
Her - have you thought of the name winnie? It's a nice name.
Right Mark (not his name) I'll talk later.

I'm confused by this point until the driver explained that his mum is named Winnie and has never got over the fact that nobody has named their child after her. If I remember rightly he was one of 8, them 8 went on to have 20 children. And now them 20 have started having children. And not one had picked the name Winnie. His mum had taken to suggesting Winnie as a name whenever she saw a pregnant lady or heard that someone was pregnant in hopes that her name would be picked.

Made me laugh, I informed him that we wouldn't be calling her Winnie and maybe somebody will pick Winnie soon for her.

ineedwine99 · 31/05/2017 14:15

If you know you DH isn't bothered i'd go back and change it, make a stand :-)

Original poster
JonSnowsWhore · 31/05/2017 14:20

Why on earth would someone laugh at a perfectly normal name Confused yes it might not be to everyone's taste but it's still not that funny lol. Jam that could go one of 2 ways, either piss her off as desired, or she'd think great, I've made her happy with suggesting that name, I'll carry on suggesting things for the rest of her life 😫

Anyway I'm making myself happy today, have set up my little photography studio & going to do some pics of baby today :) hopefully they come out ok 😊

OP posts:
ineedwine99 · 31/05/2017 15:42

Enjoy the baby photography :-)

JamPasty · 31/05/2017 16:54

I'll carry on suggesting things for the rest of her life - good point, not a risk worth taking!

grannytomine · 31/05/2017 21:17

Cordelia I just thought it was worth OP knowing as she might think the name would just disappear, but really it will always be there unless things have changed. The daughter of the woman I knew saw her long birth certificate when she was about 11 and decided the original name was her proper name which caused a bit of confusion as her first name was a short girly name like say Milly and the second was a biblical name say Rachel so absolutely nothing alike.

OP if the name will still show on the birth certificate would it help to look at it as she didn't get what she wanted. She wanted it up front as the first name and you graciously included it but relegated to third place? Taking the lofty high ground can be quite satisfying.

My MIL insisted on calling my DD by a nickname we didn't like, she always feigned innocence when pulled up on it, she just couldn't remember we didn't want her to use that name. Well she wanted to be called Grandma so we took to calling her nanny or granny and of course she pulled us up on it so we retaliated in kind and said innocently that we just couldn't remember what she wanted to be called. Funnily enough her memory improved instantly and we had no more nonsense. If she tries using Christopher, which is a lovely name, when you don't want her to then you could try something similar. Is she fussy about being a nana or whatever?

kiwiquest · 31/05/2017 21:59

At least it was a family name. My MIL has some cousins who lived in the lake District. She seriously wanted DD to be called Kendal....as in the mint cake. Hmm Didn't happen.

ShesNoNormanPace · 31/05/2017 22:01

You could really put the cat amongst the pigeons and say since your DP has chosen another first name, you got to chose the baby's surname. I bet MIL wouldn't like that much.

grannytomine · 31/05/2017 22:23

I know a Kendal.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 01/06/2017 05:40

Kendal isn't that odd a name either - I know at least 2.

QuintessentialShadow · 01/06/2017 07:56

Oh, and next time you see her, you can make a pointed look and say:

And for some strange reason my husband insisted on adding Christopher, to name the baby after the man my dad had an affair with, took my mum ages to get over it, and now she will be reminded regularly.

Or

And lets not forget we added Christopher as an insane last moment thing, so as to never forget my exboyfriend...

redfairy · 01/06/2017 08:22

If it still rankles in a month get DH to look after baby for the morning and head off to the registry office to get the name deleted. It may not seem so important by then. FWIW my DD has a middle name that I got pressurised into using by EXP's family. It's never used and is insignificant.

Anatidae · 01/06/2017 08:31

Problem is, now it's one of his actual names she's going to start calling him Christopher. She obviously doesn't like Harley. But frankly, fuck it, that's the name you chose.
Our son has quite a 'viking' name (it's not Ragnar, but it's of that type) and we've had some raised eyebrows. Since we live in Sweden and it's a normal run of the mill name here they can go swivel. Ffs there are kids at kindergarten called Loke and Tor and that's totally normal here.

Go back and change it quietly in a month or so. Do NOT let her start referring to him as Christopher. If she does start calling her Ermintrude.

Congratulations on the baby. But you need to put some boundaries down. I have a toxic mil in my life and it's a source of serious misery.

Chamonix1 · 01/06/2017 08:33

Oh dear.
Good luck with raising a baby with this lot involved they sound totally unbalanced.
Yanbu

neverhadanymarblestolose · 01/06/2017 10:36

I re-registered by daughters birth 5 years ago when she was 5 months as I changed my mind. She got a whole new birth certificate. No mention of the old name on the short certificate. It is mentioned on the long certificate as a previous name. I've since married her dad and had to get another birth certificate once married (no idea why they make you do this!) and now there is no mention of her original name on the long certificate.

grannytomine · 01/06/2017 11:26

My friend said that short certificate won't show the change but the long one does as its a copy of the register which is a historical document. I've never heard of having to have a new birth certificate because the parents got married. Were you having her father's name added?

grannytomine · 01/06/2017 11:37

neverhadanymarblestolose, the government website says you can apply to reregister a birth if the parents later get married. It doesn't say you have to do it just that you can.

I suppose that is an option for OP if she isn't married, get married and get a new birth certificate. Better than having a certificate that always shows an amendment.

KatieHaslam22 · 01/06/2017 11:43

YANBU my brother in law just got with a girl less than a year ago (who has the exact same name as me, I have been with my partner for 9, nearly 10 years and we have a 3 yo daughter). So my brother in law and his new girlfriend who's baby is due in the next month have chosen an almost identical name to my DD, they are also having a girl.

While I don't particularly like the situation it's none of my business what they do or what they call their daughter and I wouldn't start trying to influence a name change! That's ridiculous.

However the possibility that your husband has been moaning about it to his mother is a valid hypothesis.

MrsHathaway · 01/06/2017 11:47

granny this came up last week and genuinely you have to. The fine for not doing so is up to TWO POUNDS. Shows how serious it is.

Grin
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