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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I unreasonable not to lend her the money.

124 replies

Lonelymummyof1 · 30/05/2017 00:27

A friend ( not a very close friend ) often rings/ texts to ask if I could lend her some money normally 10 -20 pound but at least once a fortnight.
I have had a very weird time of it lately and not once has she messaged me.
Today same thing get a random text asking if it was possible to get 20 pound in to her account tonight ( that exactly how she asked)
I replied with do not have internet banking so impossible which was replied with instantly got pay pal ?
I decided not to but she said she had no electric or nappies for her young child.

Now I feel a bit guilty about not lending it.

OP posts:
RebornSlippy · 30/05/2017 00:30

Does she repay you, OP?

FooFighter99 · 30/05/2017 00:31

Sounds like she needs the money to feed a habit rather than buy nappies or electric! Do not transfer her any money. Tell her to stop asking and block her number if you need to.

And don't feel guilty! Her money issues are not your problem

Original poster
Lonelymummyof1 · 30/05/2017 00:33

Not really ever given me anything back, its always really random times as well.
Like today was 6 pm surely you would know all day you were running out of nappies

OP posts:
neonfrog · 30/05/2017 00:34

You could ignore her calls, maybe she exhausted all other people who she's 'borrowed' money off and they now ignore her calls. Don't be an easy touch.

You could pop a box of nappies round if you feel that bad but it's not your responsibility is it? That child has family surely.

givemethecake · 30/05/2017 00:34

She must already be getting some sort of money from somewhere. If she's wasting it, then it's definitely not your problem. Especially if she only ever bothers when she wants money from you.
Please don't give her any money. Ignore her. She sounds rude.

BeachyKeen · 30/05/2017 00:34

Reply back
"Hello acquaintance,
I am sorry you are in a bad spot. While I don't make it practice to lend money out myself, you could try getting a small loan through your parents? I hate to see you struggle every week like this, maybe you can talk to CAB, and see if there is anything that can be done. I hope it goes well,
Signed,
Not Going to Happen"

Original poster
Lonelymummyof1 · 30/05/2017 00:36

She lives quite far away now which is why we become less close friends.
There is also this sponsorship money for her ds for school ( very sudden ) and asked for contributions of 10.00- 15.00 need to be paid in the next 3 days if they raise enough they can participate in some school trip or something.
I said I would but she has pestered me every morning since for it.
How do they work is there paperwork I can ask to see ?
Sorry my dd is not school aged yet haha

OP posts:
TitaniasCloset · 30/05/2017 00:39

I'm on benefits and a close friend often borrows cash as she is struggling, but always pays it back. But she is a close friend and is involved in my life a lot.

I had another long term friend who kept asking for money, despite her working and me on benefits. But she was a crap friend in other ways and we eventually broke up.

If she only contacts you when she needs something and you don't think she would return the favour then it needs to stop. You are not a bank dishing out an over draft every other week. It's a shame she is struggling but she is going to have to find support somewhere else.

Original poster
Lonelymummyof1 · 30/05/2017 00:39

Beachykeen see thats just it sorry to mention facebook haha
But last month she asked for the same I told her I would put the 20 in her bank for gas the following morning.
Then I noticed her dad has wrote on a status that he had given her the 20 pound.
The comment was deleted fairly quickly.
She had trouble with her benefits and for some reason they were stopped but she said that was sorted a few weeks ago.

OP posts:
WicksEnd · 30/05/2017 00:42

She's really taking advantage. I only every sponsored my own kids a fiver and they get sponsor money AFTER the event not before it.
There is no 'event' she's taking the mick .
Just text that you are 'no longer in a position to lend her money'. No 'sorry' just that, end of.
I feel quite cross for you.
Flowers

RebornSlippy · 30/05/2017 00:46

Yeah, she's taking the piss, OP. Time to take a stand and just say no.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 30/05/2017 00:47

Does she repay you?

stonecircle · 30/05/2017 00:48

She's taking you for a mug.

The idea of sponsoring someone is that you pay up after the event, once you've seen evidence that the person you're sponsoring has done what they were meant to. And I doubt very much that any school would make a child's participation in something dependent on how much money they could raise Hmm.

Have you seriously carried on lending her money when she doesn't pay you back?

Motoko · 30/05/2017 00:50

She's taking you for a mug OP. Once would be fine, but it seems it's become a regular thing.
She needs to learn to budget.

Don't give her any more money. I'd also be suspicious about the "sponsorship" thing too. Last time my son needed sponsorship for something at school, the most anyone paid was a fiver.
He had a form that people had to sign their names and put their addresses on, and how much they were sponsoring.

Don't feel guilty, she only contacts you when she wants money and she also has someone else (her dad) who she can get money from, so she's not going to be destitute.

Motoko · 30/05/2017 00:52

Forgot to say, the sponsorship money was collected after the event.

Redglitter · 30/05/2017 00:54

I wonder how many other friends she's got paying her money Hmm If she's borrowing from her dad too I'd bet other people are getting her sob stories as well.

Squishedstrawberry4 · 30/05/2017 00:56

'Don't have any cash to spare'

'I've stopped lending cash to everyone as I rarely receive it back and already do charitable donations to x'

'I can't lend the cash. Id happily spend some time helping you work out how to budget though'

Rainbowqueeen · 30/05/2017 00:57

Don't feel bad. She's the one that should feel bad, she is not a friend to you.

Asking someone for money once a fortnight suggests she has real money problems that won't be solved by loans from friends, she needs to make some serious changes to her life with the help of professionals.

pringlecat · 30/05/2017 01:09

If she doesn't pay you back, you're not lending her money. You're giving her money. Is that something you want to do/can afford to do?

If she's begging for money from lots of different people on a regular basis, it's good money after bad. She may well be in a position where she needs to go bankrupt and anything you give her won't be denting her debt.

pinkyredrose · 30/05/2017 01:14

How much have you 'lent' her in total? Is there any reason you can't ask for it all back? I'm assuming she knows that's what happens with a loan.

pinkunicornsarefluffy · 30/05/2017 01:18

If she never pays you back then don't give her any more.

Years ago I had a friend with small DC who I kept giving money to. One night she rang saying the DC were starving. I said I had no money and offered her some food instead but she turned it down and got quite nasty to me. Later that night she was out in the local town drinking so clearly didn't need the money for food.

Original poster
Lonelymummyof1 · 30/05/2017 01:20

I mean I am not well off pretty average family 😂
Its a situation that she has relied on me since our childhood ( both grew up in pretty dire situations)
I have moved on with my life and finally at a place with a home, child ( really ill ) and fiance.
She does see all this, she thinks I have the perfect life and the request for money did come after I announced that my partner had proposed at the ritz ( this is not usually something we could afford it was a special treat due to a promise he made )
Which I think is why she has possibly taken it badly that I refused 20 pound.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lonelymummyof1 · 30/05/2017 01:21

By the way realise that post probably had a things to out me in it but I have already been outed like 4 times on here already and can not change my mind so gave up caring haha

OP posts:
Original poster
Lonelymummyof1 · 30/05/2017 01:23

*name not mind ! Sorry I am on night shift with DD for the 3rd night running

OP posts:
Atenco · 30/05/2017 01:24

If she pays you back that would be one thing though you are under no obligation to lend her anything especially when she asks so rudely, but if she never pays you back...