Was I unreasonable not to lend her the money.

[Lonelymummyof1]

A friend ( not a very close friend ) often rings/ texts to ask if I could lend her some money normally 10 -20 pound but at least once a fortnight.
I have had a very weird time of it lately and not once has she messaged me.
Today same thing get a random text asking if it was possible to get 20 pound in to her account tonight ( that exactly how she asked)
I replied with do not have internet banking so impossible which was replied with instantly got pay pal ?
I decided not to but she said she had no electric or nappies for her young child.

Now I feel a bit guilty about not lending it.

YABU especially as she does not pay you back- say DP has put foot down!

You're clearly a kind person and don't like to see somebody in a mess. To borrow of a friend once or twice is one thing but every two weeks she's taking the mick. I would personally say unexpected finances come up(car/child care) and you don't have spare cash at the minute OR take her nappies round as suggested (my bet is she'd put you off tjat as she doesn't want it for nappies)

YANBU. I'd bend over backwards for a friend and give money, time or anything else she needed but there's a real difference between that and being taken advantage of. And a real friend, no matter how needy, would never get upset at you saying no.
She's just taking the piss and I doubt the money is going on nappies!!

She is not asking to borrow money, she is demanding money with menaces. And not just from you. My guess is she needs it for drink, drugs, gambling or similar. It's hard to believe people can be like that if you are a decent straightforward person yourself, but I'm afraid it's true.

Are you sure this isn't a scam? I heard a few months ago of a similar thing happening to someone and it turns out it wasn't their friend at all but someone texting as their friend. Got very aggressive when denied the money and pushy about using PayPal etc.
Just a thought x

It sounds to me like she is either living beyond her means and/or feeding a habit or addiction. Ultimately it's not going to help her medium term to lend her the money, she needs to adjust her lifestyle. Otherwise she will end up friendless and in serious debt. I think this is a classic case of you needing to be cruel to be kind.

She's taking the piss. Same thing happened to me, I lost around £100 in total and then she ended up on tv! Glad I walked away when I did. And you should walk away too x

The only person I lend money to is db and bil because I know they will pay me back as soon as they possibly can. Usually within a week. I lent my brother money for his first months rent as he didn't get paid till a week later and is going through a tough divorce. He is paying me back in instalments and always tells me what he will be paying. He has paid back half so far.
I don't mind helping folk out from time to time but there comes a time when there just taking the piss.

And your friend unfortunately sounds like she is taking the piss.

You could always tell her that you feel that the unrepaid loans are getting in the way of your long established friendship.
She isn't behaving like a friend at the moment.

I got

1 Chronicles11:20

"Abishai the brother of Joab was chief of the Three. He raised his spear against three hundred men, whom he killed, and so he became famous as the Three. He was doubly honoured above the Three and became their commander even though he was not included among them"

Perhaps I am destined to be a military commander? 😂

Argh, wrong thread sorry

Mimishimmi

Stay off the good stuff

There is someone st our school who does this and she has a habit . I feel sorry for her despite this but know not to lend her money as won't get it back . Just say you can't afford it if your not happy .

How long has she been doing this for? £10 - £20 a fortnight is at least £250 a year. After four years that's a cool thousand she's had off you, with apparently no possibility (or intention) of paying it back or giving reciprocal favours. She asked for money for household essentials at a rather odd time of day to be going shopping. Add in that she apparently didn't want it known that her father had given her money. Doesn't sound good, does it?

A random request for £20 at odd hours could indicate needing money for drugs

My daughter recently did a sponsored event.. There were official forms that people could fill in where they gave details including name and address and whether entitled to gift aid though I didn't use them. I encouraged everyone to use the just giving link that paid funds straight to the charity. Any cash donations I took and paid the money my self through the link there and then with the sponsor present. Don't give her a penny!

If she's a real friend she would be there for you when you needed her. Friendship is a two way street.

That £20 could get you and yourdaughter a lovely treat at the weekend.Why give it to her.She thinks your Bank of England ,just tell her the giving money stops now.

Sounds like you have mug written all over you. How many people is she asking for money? I should think quite a few. Stop paying it and you will soon see how much of a 'friendship' this is.

Work out how much you have given her and ask when she will pay it back x

Never lend her any more money - also if she doesn't give it back it's not lending its gifting. She's not your friend and shes guilt tripping you and taking you for a mug.

You need to re-evaluate your relationship with this woman. Why do you feel so guilty and responsible for her circumstances? You have fallen into the habit of repeatedly giving her small sums of money whenever she asks for them, in order to avoid a confrontation on the issue.

When she asks for a 'loan', it is a fiction. You both know that she has no intention of paying you back. You are simply a free source of cash to her, and now you must cut her off. You say that she has moved away, so you are unlikely to run into her. You know that she is tapping her father for cash at the same time that she asks you. She probably has other people in her life that she knows she can leech off as well.

You are not her friend; you are just her ATM machine. If you want to prove this to yourself, send her a nice text and tell her that that you can no longer help her out financially and please not to embarrass you both with further requests for money. If she is truly your friend, she will apologise for putting you on the spot and will desist. But she won't. I am pretty confident that you will get an angry/pseudo-hurt response and she will try to guilt you into giving her cash; 'the kids need food', 'I can't pay the rent', 'my electric will be cut off', etc. It is all unlikely to be true; she just wants the money.

Given that she is asking at odd hours and at short notice, I am wondering if drugs are involved? It sounds horribly like the pattern of behaviour that a junkie has when they need a fix.

You do not need to have this woman in your life any longer. Delete her number. Block her on social media. Job done.

She is not your friend, she is using you. Stop sending her money .