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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was I unreasonable not to lend her the money.

124 replies

Lonelymummyof1 · 30/05/2017 00:27

A friend ( not a very close friend ) often rings/ texts to ask if I could lend her some money normally 10 -20 pound but at least once a fortnight.
I have had a very weird time of it lately and not once has she messaged me.
Today same thing get a random text asking if it was possible to get 20 pound in to her account tonight ( that exactly how she asked)
I replied with do not have internet banking so impossible which was replied with instantly got pay pal ?
I decided not to but she said she had no electric or nappies for her young child.

Now I feel a bit guilty about not lending it.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 30/05/2017 08:07

You need to stop giving her money. You are not loaning it because she never pays you back. She also only contacts you when she needs money. Use one of Squished suggested texts. She's not a friend, she's a user.

expatinscotland · 30/05/2017 08:08

Yep, foodbank and HV for nappies and fuel top up.

takeabreakthatslife · 30/05/2017 08:09

If she doesn't pay you back its not a loan.
She sounds horrible and demanding and is also using you.
Block her number block her on FB and use your money on your own DD.

You know she's getting money off get dad she can get value nappies and my area have schemes do free reusables I used these when my DD was a baby and I was skint, didn't ponce off people.

gamerchick · 30/05/2017 08:12

You need to stop lending OP. I had a friend who used to pull this stuff. Always electric or food it was. In the end I just said I don't lend money to anybody anymore because I rarely got it back and she stopped asking me.

Stick to your guns or it never ends.

thecatsarecrazy · 30/05/2017 08:14

Not your problem op. I had a "friend" made out she was poor, was always on the bum for money for milk, I gave her baby clothes. Turned out to be nonsense. She's very comfortable. Last stunt she pulled was a just giving page begging for money for a hotel room. We don't have a lot of money but things like nappies and electric a priority.

metalmum15 · 30/05/2017 08:20

Ok, so neither her nor her dp have a job, they already had one child they can't afford, and now they're having another. They sound selfish and irresponsible. She's not your responsibility. I also imagine she's probably lying about where the money goes. Personally, I would take a step back and cut some ties with her. Sounds like you have enough in your own life to deal with without emotional blackmail from so-called 'friends'.

metalmum15 · 30/05/2017 08:20

Ok, so neither her nor her dp have a job, they already had one child they can't afford, and now they're having another. They sound selfish and irresponsible. She's not your responsibility. I also imagine she's probably lying about where the money goes. Personally, I would take a step back and cut some ties with her. Sounds like you have enough in your own life to deal with without emotional blackmail from so-called 'friends'.

raindropstea · 30/05/2017 08:23

How did you meet this friend and how long have you known her for? I would feel embarrassed asking friends for money and she's doing it quite often. Make something up and lie about it if you have to... say you have a lot of debt you're paying off. I would question this friendship.

Lessthanaballpark · 30/05/2017 08:27

She's got a bloody cheek. Defriend asap.

Billben · 30/05/2017 08:28

What does your fiancée has to say about you subsidising her all the time?

Please stop giving her money. If she falls out with you over it, you don't need friends like her anyway. She is taking advantage of you big time.

SnickersWasAHorse · 30/05/2017 08:29

Some people have a brass neck that the rest of us wouldn't believe.

I had a young woman with a small child knock at my door one night. She gave me a story about how she didn't have any money to top up her electricty. I asked her where she lived. She said that she lived at number 45 or whatever but pointed in the wrong direction. I told her I thought she was bullshiting and she swore at me and went.
We lived in a tiny terrace, not a big fancy house. People like this go for people who are only slightly better off that themselves, people who can relate to being down to your last tenner at the end of the month.

It's hard to say no to someone like this as most decent people hate the thought of someone going without. But that is exactly why they ask you.

Don't let her do this. You could write something on her Facebook wall to the effect of 'sorry I couldn't lend you that £20. Hope everything is ok' and see how many other people realise that they are being taken for a mug too.

MidniteScribbler · 30/05/2017 08:30

I don't even buy the nappies excuse. She could use reusables if she's on that tight of a budget (you can get a bundle on the local buy swap sell pretty cheaply, or I'm sure someone would donate a bundle if someone was that badly off), or worst case, fold a handtowel the old fashioned way and use that.

GU24Mum · 30/05/2017 08:30

Unless you genuinely were happy to fund her every month pretty much regardless and with no expectation of seeing it again (which, not unreasonably, you're not), I'd just say that you are concerned that all the amounts you've given her have added up to a considerable sum so you aren't comfortable giving her any more unless she's in a postion to repay some. Personally I wouldn't say that you can't afford to as you're financial position isn't really relevant and unless your circs have changed you risk you "friend" saying that you could before so what's changed now? If you just say you aren't going to give her any more, there isn't really any way she can twist it that you're being unreasonable imo.

SparklyMagpie · 30/05/2017 08:35

I'd tell her i wouldn't be lending her money but if she's that stuck i'd get her some nappies...see what she replies back to that !

UnbornMortificado · 30/05/2017 08:36

Lonely I know you don't like mention your situation with your DD on every post which is fair enough but she is 1000% unreasonable for asking when presumably she knows what your dealing with.

SadAngry

LIZS · 30/05/2017 08:38

She's saying nappies and electric because fags and chocolate doesn't have the same impact. Hmm Ignore her texts in future, she is no friend to put this on you.

Aeroflotgirl · 30/05/2017 08:40

Cheeky moo. I would tell her to stop asking to lend money. As you have none. Delete and block her. It all adds up this odd £20 , £10 there

Rhodiolia · 30/05/2017 08:45

She is very unreasonable, considering everything you have going on with your DD (which she will be very aware of). How can she have the actual cheek to ask you for money when she knows about the life-limiting condition your daughter has, and knowing that you need every penny to make your daughters life amazing while you can? Please stop handing her your money and keep it for your ballerina.

MargotLovedTom1 · 30/05/2017 08:47

Reply saying you're skint and can't lend anyone more anymore. Then add an update on how your daughter is doing to get the point over that you have your own stuff going on which she hasn't even asked about. From then on, every time she asks, say you're skint.

Usernamegone · 30/05/2017 08:53

Milk and nappies is far more emotive as it is for the baby. I had frantic phone calls once as baby had been sick and they didn't have money for electric to wash the sheets. I asked him why he was calling me from his mates house on the other side of town not looking after his sick baby!

TheFuckitBuckit · 30/05/2017 08:56

I hate when other people think they are entitled to your money. some of dhs family are notorious for this. They ask to borrow money often claiming its for food, electric, rent etc but spending it on a night out, takeaway, clothes, tattoos or in one case drugs- I kid you not!
But the runnning theme is they don't think they should pay it back and still ask for more.

She is not your friend, she is using you. Do not give her another penny.
She's relying on you feeling sorry for her so you will cough up.
I can guarantee that she doesn't need it for nappies.
If she only contacts you when she wants money I'd knock this friendship on the head and concentrate on your own family.

SnipSnipMrBurgess · 30/05/2017 08:58

I would say "Sorry I'm broke but I can buy you a pack of Aldi nappies in the shop now and pop them over".You will soon see if she is struggling for nappies or if she is just looking for money.

AnneTwacky · 30/05/2017 08:58

Don't give her any more money. I say give as she's not borrowing it, she's just taking it.

If she questions it then feel free to tell her you've decided to stop lending money until you've been paid back the money already "borrowed". You'll probably find the requests soon dry up after that.
How much money you do or don't have is immaterial really. £20 every fornight means she's taking £520 off you every year and that's not on.

emmyrose2000 · 30/05/2017 09:03

I can 100% guarantee you the money is not being spent on nappies or other necessities. It'll be going on booze, cigarettes, nights out, nails, or whatever else she incorrectly believes she deserves for herself.

If she's SO desperate for nappies or other essentials, there are official agencies that can help her.

Cut this scourge out of your life.

oleoleoleole · 30/05/2017 09:08

Not at all. She sounds like one of life's takers. Just be honest with her and say it upsets you that the only time you hear from her is when she wants money and you feel emotionally blackmailed.

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