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Original poster

To wonder what you would think if your OH said that

484 replies

Poisongirl81 · 29/05/2017 18:38

Before being with you in his life he has had sex with men! A couple of times just for the sex. He's also had long term things with women and fancies me very much. Just don't know how to feel.

OP posts:
HappyAxolotl · 29/05/2017 21:04

Previous sexual experiences wouldn't be an issue as long as any partner was faithful to me.

OTOH, anal is not something I do so clearly different strokes for different folks.

As others have said, sex and relationships aren't covered by equal opportunities laws and any of us can refuse to date or sleep with any person for any reason. Thank goodness for that.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 29/05/2017 21:06

When I think of it at its most basic level, if it were me, And my partner preferred anal over vaginal then I would wonder if my vagina actually turned him off. Which would make me wonder if he was actually gay. Or are there straight men who find vaginas a turn off? Whatever - I could not be with someone who found the most womanly part of me a turn off. It would just make me feel so rejected.

So, OP, I guess you need to know WHY he prefers anal over PIV.

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/05/2017 21:06

Depends if we are using the patented Bill Clinton definition of sex.

SuperFlyHigh · 29/05/2017 21:08

I personally would be put off by this especially the anal sex part and I'd consider it being a deal breaker.

Wdigin2this · 29/05/2017 21:14

To each his own, but I couldn't live with it!

theculture · 29/05/2017 21:15

As a pp said, I think some studies (MRI scans after showing images) show that male bisexuals generally react as gay men to photos i.e. Preferring men over women indicating a high chance they are actually repressed gay men. This is not true for bisexual women and I think women are more spread along a scale rather than polarized into liking male or female.

So yes, lots of different and recent encounters with men + anal (ok that assumption comes from watching Brokeback Mountain Grin ) would make me wonder

AgnesNitt1976 · 29/05/2017 21:16

If some feel that sex is only sex if penetration takes place then you really need to expand your minds. I have had sex with women where no penetration took place it was not foreplay.

expatinscotland · 29/05/2017 21:18

'If loads of gay men don't do anal, then what is 'sex' for them? OP states her OH has had sex with men. Having sex surely implies penetration, the other stuff being foreplay.'

Frottage, mutual masterbation, oral, anal stimulation. Sex doesn't have to include penetration.

TheDowagerCuntess · 29/05/2017 21:20

If loads of gay men don't do anal, then what is 'sex' for them? OP states her OH has had sex with men. Having sex surely implies penetration, the other stuff being foreplay.

Lesbians seem to manage it. Unless what they do in bed is not classed as sex.

Justdontgetitatall · 29/05/2017 21:21

I'd pack a bag and be gone!!!!

motherinferior · 29/05/2017 21:23

I'm genuinely amazed by this thread.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 29/05/2017 21:23

It wouldn't bother me because I'm not homophobic, unlike many on this thread.

Is it really 2017?

Babydontcry · 29/05/2017 21:23

It shouldn't be an issue in a trusting relationship . However I thought I was in a happy loving relationship with now exh, not far into our marriage he was having an affair with another man.

rainbowpie · 29/05/2017 21:24

It would be a deal breaker for me.

Willyoujustbequiet · 29/05/2017 21:27

Absolutely ridiculous to suggest it's homophobic that you don't want a man who has had sex with other men.

It's actually the biggest load of tripe Ive ever read on here. In fact trying to restrict a womans sexual preference like that by determining it to be homophobic is arguably misogyny in itself.

Utter bollocks

DJBaggySmalls · 29/05/2017 21:27

I'm not homophobic but wouldn't want a relationship with a man who preferred anal sex over vaginal sex.

LauderSyme · 29/05/2017 21:41

I wouldn't be bothered by it. Sex is pretty odd, really, when you think about it, no matter who you're doing it with! Grin

The discussion about whether or not it is homophobic to be bothered by it is very interesting.
I think on balance it probably is homophobic. Consider if the OP had referenced a different minority group other than gay men:

Before being with you in his life he has had sex with black women! A couple of times just for the sex. He's also had long term things with white women and fancies me very much. Just don't know how to feel.

We would all be screaming racism wouldn't we?? Or is that a red herring?!

SilentlyScreamingAgain · 29/05/2017 21:46

I think that it's perfectly okay and totally non discriminatory to have a list of deal breakers. My own include holding a knife like a pen, baseball cap wearing (unless engaged in actual baseball), voting Tory and being unable to understand that cinema is an art form. Horses for courses and all that.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 29/05/2017 21:48

Lauder: please tell me that was a joke.

LauderSyme · 29/05/2017 21:53

Not a joke, no, rather a point worth exploring.
Why do so many people seem to think that gay sex is qualitatively so very different to straight sex? How is that not homophobic?

histinyhandsarefrozen · 29/05/2017 21:53

The idea that you are discriminating or sexist if you don't want to shag someone of the same sex is....niche?

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/05/2017 21:57

It is discriminatory to not shag Tories. Or short people, or bisexual people. That doesn't mean it's not perfectly OK. We are allowed to discriminate about sexual partners.

The logic seems to be, 'I'm not a bigot and therefore anything I do isn't bigoted'. But we all discriminate in some ways. And in the shagging department, we're allowed.

Pallisers · 29/05/2017 22:00

That's right cos it's all about you.
He's in a relationship with you because he wants to be but you would end it because you think you might not tick the bases.
Get over yourself and listen to your partner. I'd leave you because you think about yourself and then impose your insecurities on others .

God is there any way in which women aren't told to suck it up, put themselves after everyone else, do what others want not what they want. Does anyone ever say this shit to men?

I'd leave you because you think about yourself Kind of sums it up. Who the fuck should she be thinking about? the Man? Don't worry he is already thinking about himself because he has been told all his life that he should be his first priority. her not so much - including from eegits like this poster.

Some of the "right-on ness" on this thread is almost funny. The accusations of homophobia are not.

motherinferior · 29/05/2017 22:05

Of course I'd tell a man who was put off by the fact his female partner had had affairs with women to get over it.

The idea that somehow he's feeling some kind of yearning for another 'manly man' on account of a couple of experimental shags is pretty odd imo.

I do expect anyone I have sex with to have had sex with other people and quite possibly of their own gender.

expatinscotland · 29/05/2017 22:11

'I'm genuinely amazed by this thread.'

So am I.

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