To wonder what you would think if your OH said that

[Poisongirl81]

Before being with you in his life he has had sex with men! A couple of times just for the sex. He's also had long term things with women and fancies me very much. Just don't know how to feel.

It would be a deal breaker for me because I don't find bisexuality attractive in a partner. it's a turn off thinking of them with a man.

I would also be worried it would be a cover for being gay.

Nope wouldn't bother me.

Although him preferring anal with you being female would.

There are also lot of gay men in 'straight' relationships. Considering his romantic history and his preference for anal it's hardly a massive leap to suspect he may be gay or at least have a strong preference for men over women?

A lot of gay men don't have anal sex though. Is that myth still doing the rounds..

I really can't see that not wanting sex with a gay man is homophobic

Beadoren how is not wanting your partner to have fucked or been fucked up the ass by other men homophobic?

I am not homophobic, i don't know why this would be a big deal for me, I wouldn't be worried about cheating etc. I just would think that I could never satisfy all the elements of our love/sex life (willingly) and therefore, It would be a deal breaker for me I think.

It isn't homophobic not to want a relationship with a man who fancies other men. People are entitled to their sexual preferences.

How is it different to him having fucked another woman up the arse? I mean op is obviously pretty liberal about the arse stuff anyway so it's clearly to do with the fact that it was a man. She's attracted to him and the fact that he has had sex with men repulsed her to the point where she is considering splitting up with a man she presumably loves= homophobic.

Not sure what's confusing about that really.

HTH

wouldnt bother me one bit because im not a homophobe

Feck sake, would you ever grow up.

My sex life isn't an exercise in equal opportunities. I'm allowed to be as discriminating as I want when it comes to who I share my life and my bed with. I'm entitled to find some things a turn off and some things a deal breaker.

I know gay women who prefer not to go out with bisexual women. Same thing really.

I wouldn't like it. Whether or not I'd end it over it depends how good our relationship was in general, whether I trusted him and whether I thought he might feel the need for sex with a man again.

I'd not think a man liking to have anal sex with a woman makes him gay?

Most men I've known do.

The anal sex would be a deal breaker for me though, personally I find it painful, degrading and disgusting so I wouldn't stay with someone if that's what they wanted.

As long as you accept that you are descriminatint on the basis of sexual preference and thus making a homophobic judgement.

You absolutely have the right to to be homophobic when deciding who to have sex with. You just don't have the right to pretend it isn't homophobia

I shouldn't be forced into having an anally sexual relationship with anyone because to refuse to do so would mean you thought i was homophobic, don't talk crap Bea.

My DP had a couple of "encounters" with men while at university, as did other guys I know - it doesn't bother me in the slightest, and I've known about it since before we got together. I think just finding out could be a bit of a shock.

Sex is the one area where you absolutely should be allowed to discriminate without being labelled 'phobic' anything.

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest tbh

I'd find it a turn off to think about him being with another man, so I guess it would be a deal breaker based on this. This does not make me homophobic ffs, to the posters that think it does. Also the fact he wanted anal rather than vaginal sex would make me wonder too.

I once read bi men favour men the older they get.

It would be a deal breaker for me. It's one of those things I'd like disclosed prior to a commitment.

The fact that he might be bi- sexual wouldbt bother me but the preferring anal would - I would be inclined to think he is a gay man who is scared/nervous about coming out and is trying to do the 'normal' thing by being in a relationship with the opposite sex. I would have a conversation with him OP.

I think it's odd that his background is making you question a relationship you were otherwising enjoying but, that in no way makes someone homophobic. What a stupid comment to make.

I wouldn't particularly want to be with an older gentlemen in say his 60s but that wouldn't make me ageist. For the record my partner is 17 years older than me, so in roughly 20 years time I will be with a man in his 60s lol

I shouldn't be forced into having an anally sexual relationship with anyone because to refuse to do so would mean you thought i was homophobic

Those things sooooo don't follow each other. No one should have sex they don't want to, or be forced to do anything at all sexually they don't want to.

You're entitled to shag whomever you please.

I wouldn't want a gay DH.

Just because someone has shagged a few men doesn't mean any of the above.

I agree with another poster further up "It isn't homophobic not to want a relationship with a man who fancies other men. People are entitled to their sexual preferences. Some are very quick to label homophobic just because they don't want to have sex with a man who has/does/or will have sex with another man... surely we still have freedom of choice over our own sexual preferences. Each to their own, some do, some don't we are all different.