To wonder what you would think if your OH said that

[Poisongirl81]

Before being with you in his life he has had sex with men! A couple of times just for the sex. He's also had long term things with women and fancies me very much. Just don't know how to feel.

I wouldn't be remotely bothered about him being Bi or having slept with men in the past. Sexual health screening is sensible before having unprotected sex with anyone with any kind of sexual history...

Some of the replies are depressing. I'm bisexual. I've had sex with women. I'd find it particularly strange if my husband spent time thinking about me having sex with my exes. Being bisexual doesn't mean I'm going to cheat. Or is it different because I'm a woman?

Wanting anal is a different issue. As with any sexual activity if one partner doesn't like it then the other person has to respect that.

It would without a doubt be the end of the relationship for me. I couldnt get over the fact that my DP had sex with a girl when we broke up a few years ago never mind a man, the visual images and everything, definitely a deal breaker. OP if it doesnt phase you then thats no problem either, live and let live and all that.

Homophobic? Sexist though. Men are encouraged to think of early lesbian experiences as a huge turn on and awesome. Women are taught to think of male experiences as awful and emasculating. Says a lot about sex and sexuality discrimination.

Not bothered and I know it from past experience.

I had a boyfriend who had slept with a lot of men and identified as Bi.

One of his friends said I was very open minded being with someone who was Bi. I replied 'No, I am very closed minded. If he slept with anyone else while with me, that would be the end'.

We didn't last long though. He was actually more into himself than either men or women!

It would worry me that our sex life might not tick all of his boxes.

The sex with another man wouldn't bother me, I've had relations with men who had sex with other men and/or who identified as bi. The anal sex would be a deal breaker. I don't want to do it and would have dumped anyone who insisted on it (and no, none of those men who had had sex with other men even asked for it).

Would neither surprise nor bother me.

Is my partner supposed to chuck me bec

Would neither surprise nor bother me.

Is my partner supposed to chuck me because I've had flings with women in the past?

MN can be very odd about sex. Perhaps I'm just old. Back in my day most people gave same-sex relationships/shags a go...

I would be concerned that a husband/partner that enjoys sex with other men wouldn't be able to "switch off" that part of his sexuality completely. Would he be happy to never have gay sex again in his life?

There is a difference I think between giving same sex "a go" in an experimental way in your youth and actually having gay or bi sexual preferences.

That's right cos it's all about you.
He's in a relationship with you because he wants to be but you would end it because you think you might not tick the bases.
Get over yourself and listen to your partner. I'd leave you because you think about yourself and then impose your insecurities on others .

Partner being with a man before me is hot.

I don't understand why him preferring anal would mean he's gay.

Lots of gay men don't have anal sex. Lots of straight couples do have anal sex. Women's and men's bottom are usually different to look at. The OPs DP prefers anal sex with the OP's bottom. It's still a woman's bottom and not a man's.

And I don't understand why he's definitely bi for that matter - he's done it with men a "couple of times just for the sex". The likelihood is he's experimented a bit while growing up.

Partner being with a man before me is hot.

It turns you on, fine. Other people not turned on by it, also fine.

It's ludicrous to suggest its homophobic to not know how to feel when finding out something like that.

I actually don't necessarily think he's bi. Plenty of people experiment when they're younger, and some when they're older. Trying something doesn't change your orientation. Lots of gay people have had sex with women before, but they might not be bi in the slightest.

Obviously he could still be bi though. The fact that he's told you suggests he's very comfortable with women and doesn't want to hide anything.

The anal preference is alarming, but for its own obvious reasons. I don't think it's related to him having been with men before.

MitzyLeFrouf

It turns you on, fine. Other people not turned on by it, also fine

Exactly - but enough to finish with him because he did something your not keen on?

Liking anal is one thing - but preferring anal?

Nah, I wouldn't like that, gay-past or no.

It wouldn't bother me at all, would bother me more having a partner that lied about their sex life.

What does bother me is peoples reactions about anal sex and assumptions that every gay/bi men are into that. Newsflash plenty of gay/bi men do not participate in anal sex and lots of straight men enjoy receiving/giving anal. Plenty of bi/lesbians enjoy anal sex as well as straight women.

I am bi and female and actually adore anal sex. BTW being bi does not mean that someone is a closeted gay/lesbian nor does that make us more likely to cheat. Being bi/gay does not revolve purely around sex.

It would be a deal breaker for me OP. I'm open minded, but that would not be acceptable. Out of curiosity, has this only just come up in conversation??

People saying you'd be worried that you wouldn't be ticking all the sexual boxes, how can any of us ever tick everyone's boxes? I'm not going to be the same in bed as other women. I'm not going to look/feel/like the same stuff as other women, let alone men. Fair enough that a partner having sex with someone of the same gender is a turn off for some, but to feel insecure that you're not satisfying them sexually isn't logical as we're all different in bed regardless of gender.

A male friend recently told his girlfriend that he'd had a few one night stands with men in the past and she accepted it, he's so happy that he was able to be totally honest with her and that she accepts his past. They're now getting married next year, I don't think he's anymore likely to be unfaithful to her with a man than a woman (he's been a total tart in the past) either you love him and trust him, or you don't.

I think there's a lot of ignorance about what being bisexual actually is. Research by the Open University shows that bisexuals have worse mental health than either lesbians and gay men or heterosexuals because we're rejected by both. There are many people in the world that any of us can be attracted to whatever our sexuality. There are many bisexuals who are monogamous and many heterosexuals who aren't. You can't tell anything much about an individual from generalisations and stereotypes, only by speaking to that person. Clearly actually being bisexual it wouldn't bother me in a general sense, but if I had any specific reason to think it might affect me that would be different, so you can only really understand that by talking to him.

It would bother me at a visceral level but I feel it should not

What does bother me is peoples reactions about anal sex and assumptions that every gay/bi men are into that.

I haven't seen any poster say that every gay or bi man is into anal sex.

If loads of gay men don't do anal, then what is 'sex' for them? OP states her OH has had sex with men. Having sex surely implies penetration, the other stuff being foreplay.