To wonder what you would think if your OH said that

[Poisongirl81]

Before being with you in his life he has had sex with men! A couple of times just for the sex. He's also had long term things with women and fancies me very much. Just don't know how to feel.

You didn't really express a view.

You didn't really express a view.

No I wouldn't. That doesn't mean it's wrong for someone else to do. It's upsetting and it's heartbreaking to do something like that but if for whatever reason you can't get past that then you can't be expected to stay with and sleep with someone you no longer find attractive.

If you no longer find them attractive for such a thing, and you'd be willing to throw everything away for it, it makes you rather shallow and suggests that you never really loved them at all.

If you no longer find them attractive for such a thing, and you'd be willing to throw everything away for it, it makes you rather shallow and suggests that you never really loved them at all.

Or you are actually just so small
Minded you actually don't have the capacity to get over it; as your prejudices are more
Important to you than your loved ones.

"Throw everything away" suggests they lied by omission like the ops dh did so even if you didn't have a problem with the gay sex you may have a problem with being lied too.

Its not lying to not share every moment of your life before you coupled up. It's a little obsessive to suggest it is.

You're right it's not lying I don't see it that way. I honestly don't think anyone is in the wrong to stop finding someone attractive for any reason on earth. As I believe in bodily autonomy I believe you can refuse the right to have sex with anyone you want for any reason you like. It really is that simple.

live we all have different expectations in a relationship and I don't believe I said a partner should share "every moment" of their life with me. So please stop twisting my posts to suit your agenda.

Of course you can, but that doesn't mean you can't also be a dick about it!
Your husband could stop fancying you because you put on weight after pregnancy, but you wouldn't say "ah sure thats fine, your sexual preferences are important dear, why not go find someone younger and thinner?" would you?

Actually you are slightly wrong.

If I gained weight and if that was an issue for my partner then I will accept that and if it meant leaving me then so be it. I would have nothing to feel bad about as I would have done nothing wrong. I would be heartbroken of course.

Funnily enough my partner has found my weight gain a slight issue and when we're having a huge talk he broke down and explained how he felt and why. We have moved on from that and he doesn't expect me to lose it just that it was a slight issue, now we know though that I actually have a condition that caused it. He didn't say anything for a while though as he knew I was gorging on chocolate to cope with th me health issues our daughter was going through.

I don't think I will agree with your view on things.

I can't keep repeating the same things as it's getting a bit tiring now.

To recap; when it comes to having sex you can discriminate and do not need a reason it honestly is that simple. You can ask why but you shouldn't expect an answer.

If your partner stopped fancying you because you were fat though, wouldn't you expect them to be apologetic and realise it was a bit crap?

But a lot of us who did not express that view were being told we also we were not thinking hard enough about our motivations and they were probably homophobic.

I'm assuming this is yet another instance of you misquoting me to suit your own argument.

I said surely you can see that people will likely assume it is due to distasteful ideas about men who have sex with men if you're unwilling to admit any kind of rationale behind your preference. Which I stand by.

Of course, this was before I was made aware that you, specifically, Pallisers, had mentioned that it was due to a previous relationship with a bisexual person. As discussed. Which shifts the possible explanation in your case to a slightly different area, perhaps, but doesn't really dig any deeper on the misguided ideas front, just introduces more potential... flavours of distasteful or misguided ideas... I suppose.

To recap; when it comes to having sex you can discriminate and do not need a reason it honestly is that simple. You can ask why but you shouldn't expect an answer

To recap: thats all obviously true but its also obviously true that where you do have reasons those reasons can be utterly dickish.

What if your DH suddenly found you unattractive because you became disabled? Would you accept that as perfectly fine and a good reason to leave you?

live is it so hard to understand that for some of us sexual attraction is a big part of a relationship for us? Quit trying to guilt people over their sexual preferences.

If he felt he had to leave for his own reasons then fair enough. We both know how hard it is to look after someone disabled (our daughter) and we got through it so I doubt that would happen.

summer read my above comment.

I really won't be agreeing with you, I don't know why you keep asking all these questions when I have already answered.

I don't think you are quite following. You can have whatever preferences you like. You can find whatever you like attractive. You can make your own choice in all things. But you have to accept that your choices may be distasteful to others.

You HAVE to agree with me, since you entire point is that you would find your partners past choices so distasteful that you would dump them. You can't argue with me finding your choices distasteful!

No live you are constantly posing a variety of scenarios to posters to find out what would be a deal breaker for them so you can point out how twattish and shallow they are.

This thread has obviously hit a nerve with you and I'm really sorry about that,maybe the op should have put a trigger warning in the title.

I'm not going to engage with you any further as you're starting to sound like an echo.

Are you reading? I repeatedly made it clear that something like this wouldn't bother me. In fact the only reason I could possibly be put off my partner is if he cheated or abused me.

We have been through a lot more than most couples in a lifetime so I understand our strengths etc and if he told me something about his past (something he has actually told me, would be dumpable to most people) I still stood by him and accepted that was his past and I am his present and future and it wouldn't, and still hasn't bothered me.

So yes it may be distasteful to other people to be put off by your partner having sex with another man in his past, but that doesn't matter because you get to discriminate when it involves your body and your feelings towards someone. People can question but you don't have to answer and shouldn't be expected to.

I'm really not.

Why are you participating in an online discussion when you don't want to discuss the matter at hand? And why are you getting so cross at people who do?
It's all a bit pointless.

Seriously?

Yes. Is the question so difficult?

You've asked me different scenarios repeatedly.

I've asked posters. Why assume I'm talking only at you?