To formula feed baby despite OH's objections.

[Herbie22]

DD is 5 weeks old and exclusively breast fed. I am finding this tough because she is either on the boob or upset.
This is my first baby so I'm not sure what I am doing. I think she might not be getting enough from me as she needs near constant feeds. I would like to top her up with formula as I literally do nothing all day/night but feed her. I know that it's hard work a newborn but I can't even walk down the road to the shops without her screaming. I don't get to see anyone and it is making me sad and lonely.

I tried to speak to OH about this and he said that he doesn't want her on formula. He said that I am making enough milk because she is gaining weight. I don't think she is gaining it fast enough though which worries me.
I also wonder if she would sleep better if she was formula fed. I am up nearly all night feeding her at the moment which is another reason I think I'm not producing enough milk as she won't settle.
I don't want to give up BF completely. Maybe just supplement her feeding but at the moment I feel like I've lost all my zest for life because all I do is sit either on the sofa or on my bed feeding. It is also damaging my relationship with OH as we can't even have dinner without DD wanting to be fed (though I do feed her just before) and I'm starting to resent him getting to do things, even popping to Tesco, without a baby attached to him.
I know I sound horribly ungrateful as I am so blessed to have DD! I just want to be able to do things other than feed her!

[gamerchick]

What's happening is completely normal and what you want. It's like the fourth trimester so they're meant to be permanantly attached. I don't know why people are saying it's not normal, it's all I knew for the first 8 weeks or so with all mine so normal for me.

However, they're your boobs and if you've had enough and want to mix feed then do it. Your bloke doesn't get a say imo.

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

I don't know what the right choice is for you, because it's your choice. Not his, or anyone else's.

FWIW, though, my DD is nine weeks old, and has been mix-fed from almost the first day. My DP is her birth mother, and has breastfed her every day, for most of her feeds. But she also has some formula, almost every day.

You have given your DD a great start. You've given her the colostrum, which makes a huge difference to her immunities.

For us, the fact that DP can get some sleep while I give the baby a bottle, has been amazing. Expressing wasn't a sensible option for DP, as the baby was a very slow feeder, and would take an hour on the breast, then want feeding again in another hour ... just in time to take the bottle DP had laboriously expressed ... and that would take an hour, by which time she'd want the breast again.

I don't think anyone who isn't breastfeeding a baby should be weighing in on a decision that would make their life a little more difficult, and the breastfeeding mother's a little more manageable. Your health matters hugely.

[Hulder]

TBH after that comment I'm surprised you haven't murdered him to death.

He needs to buck his ideas up and fast. It is fine for him to be keen for you to carry on BF but it is you that actually has to do it and it is HARD

What is he doing to make it easier for you? 5 weeks is a really tough time - and if baby is really clingy and feeding all the time he should be facilitating life so that you and baby can basically lie about doing nothing but feeding (both of you) while he does everything else. Has he helped in other practical ways such as getting you real-life breast feeding support?

Sadly I am guessing the answer is no and he is 'supporting' you by making demeaning comments and doing fuck all.

Please ring a breast feeding helpline today to get yourself some expert support and also get him to sort his fucking ideas out.

[SirVixofVixHall]

The first couple of months are hard, it is a shock to the system, but everything you've described is normal. My advice would be to stick at it for a while longer, it does get so much easier, and with bf there are no worries about sterilising stuff, it is easier to go out and about as you have your breasts with you and the health benefits are huge. I remember being stuck on a train with an engine failure, and so traveling for much longer than i expected. This would have been ghastly with a ff baby, but with a bf baby it was a doddle. Night feeds are a dream with a bf baby, you just plonk the baby on, doze, and then cuddle back down. I found the first 6-8 weeks painful and tough, but then I fed for eight years, one baby after another. Give it a little bit longer before deciding, because babies change very quickly.

[NotYoda]

Pain

What I'm getting at is that I profoundly disagree with you

A man can't decide whether a woman breastfeeds,. He especially doesn't get to decide, if she's becoming anxious and depressed.

[ClopySow]

He is now telling DD "Mummy said she doesn't like you anymore

Arsehole.

I really struggled with BF both of mine, i really wanted to do it but for various reasons found it utterly miserable and felt terrible about not enjoying it. My health visitor said "this is where we go wrong with you girls, we're so pushy about breast feeding that we forget you have to be happy to be the best mum you can be"

I introduced a couple of bottles of formula at 5 weeks, unfortunately my milk dried up after that so i had to move to formula completely, but i'm glad i did.

The second time, my partner begged me to buy formula at 3 weeks because i was in so much pain and cried every time i fed, but i was determined because i felt i'd let my first down and didn't want to let down my second.

Formula feeding us not letting down your child. Breast feeding isn't for everyone and thankfully there is a good alternative.

[dontcallmelen]

Hi Op do what you want, a mentally & physically exhausted parent is no good for either you or your baby, you have tried & if you stop bf so be it, the most important thing is a baby is fed, please do not be guilted into continued bf if it making you feel this way & usually (I say this as a guideline only) a ff very young baby will go anything between 2-4 hours before needing feeding again, which may give you some time to rest & recuperate, it's your body your choice no one else's good luck.

[Only1scoop]

Op of course YANBU I'd go and stock up and give yourselves a crash course in FF and a well earned break.
Congratulations

[littletwofeet]

It sounds like a growth spurt (she'll be putting her 'order in' for the following days). Or, it could be tounge tie causing milk transfer issues, meaning she's having to feed more often. Maybe get her checked out.

If no TT, it does get so much easier. You're probably at the very hardest point now.

It's good that your DH is telling you you've got enough milk-he is right! However, if you want to give formula, it's entirely your decision. Your DD is doing what she is supposed to do though, be close to you and feed all the time.

Could DH put her in a wrap/sling skin to skin and walk round with her to let you get a shower.
Is he making all your meals, drinks, doing everything round the house-that can often make a big difference making it easier for you.

If you do give bottles, look up the 'top up trap' just to make sure you're aware, it can be even worse around a growth spurt.
Make sure you do 'paced feeding' with any bottles too.

[43percentburnt]

Have you tried using a sling and feeding? With the right sling you can wander around, hands free, feeding! I did it loads with ds. Check yourself out in the mirror until you find a way to do it discreetly. There's likely to be a sling library near you so you can try a few different ones.

If you want to bf but are finding it isolating have you tried feeding in public or round family and friends. Practise in front of a mirror. I coslept to get as much sleep as possible.

I bf my children and understand how restricting bf is. It does get easier.

[PainCanBeBeautiful]

notyoda when did I actually say he gets a choice? In my very first comment I specifically said that it is the ops body and her choice and her partner cannot actually have a say.

[jouu]

Formula is fine, thing is, if he's not onside, it's still going to be you doing all the feeds anyway.

And unfortunately, babies cluster feed at that age. It's absolutely shit but it's true. By 12 weeks it will probably be a bit better. I wanted to die at 5 weeks. Sadly DC was allergic to everything but breastmilk so I had to soldier on.

if she is gaining, she's healthy. You aren't underfeeding her, she is just doing what babies do (unfortunately).

If your partner were onside I'd say go for formula, but tbh having to go through the faff of bottles alone, and baby might still want to feed just as much, is as bad or worse than just bf.

[kel1493]

It's your choice. Do what you feel is best for you and your baby.

[DontFundHate]

Totally your choice. Baby sounds totally normal, they are growing so rapidly at this time and they are increasing your supply so will be feeding constantly. From what I remember breastfeeding really clicked with me at 6-7weeks, most of people I've met have said the same. Why not give it another week and see where you're at? I found d breastfeeding groups so helpful for advice and to not feel alone.

[jouu]

Also having rtft now, your husband has been REALLY cruel in making that comment (17:34:37). That is properly nasty and I'm sorry he's being like that, he sounds like a really shitty person tbh

[gluteustothemaximus]

What a bloody horrible thing to say. Joke, my arse.

I'm sorry OP. Hormones, emotions, lack of sleep, constant feeding is bad enough. But you can do without 'jokes' right now.

😡 On your behalf.

[NotYoda]

Pain

So what it boils down to is that he can express an opinion but he doesn't get to decide

All this flannel about the best start in life makes an insulting assumption that the OP hasn't also thought about what's best for the baby. It's an emotionally loaded thing to say to someone who is struggling

FWIW I'd have my doubts about this particular DHs 'say' because what he says is nasty sly little digs

[DontFundHate]

Please remind your husband that partner support is one of the most crucial keys to successful breastfeeding according to latest research. He should be supporting your, it's a very emotional and tiring time

[AngelThursday]

I mix fed mine and it worked perfectly. Do not let anyone guilt trip you into EBF. It can be totally draining. Follow your instincts. Best of luck and congratulations on your LO

[NotYoda]

Specifically this



"A lot of posters on here clearly don't value their partners as also being 50% of the baby and who should also get some say
Yes he can't make you breastfeed if you don't want to but it is nice to hear a man have a view on it and wanting the best start in life for his child"

[PainCanBeBeautiful]

I said best start in life meaning his view on it. I don't really care what a baby gets as long as it's fed. My second I expressed every three hours but didn't get to spend time with her while she lay paralysed. Breast was all she could handle and even then it was small doses alongside other nutrients given via a drip. Even though it was the best thing for her (easy to break down) I still stopped due to the stress and she was only 2 maybe 3 months old. As you can see I'm not some militant breastfeeder but you would know that if you read through all of comments

[NotYoda]

^ that was to Pain

I'd also add that a demoralised and frsutrated mother is not necessarily 'the best start in life' for a baby

[MitzyLeFrouf]

He is now telling DD "Mummy said she doesn't like you anymore." I know he's saying it as a joke but am feeling a bit fragile and wishing I hadn't mentioned formula!

He's being an arsehole by pecking at you with these 'jokes' when he knows you're in a fragile place. Set him straight on that.

[Funnyonion17]

Formula won't make any difference. She's supposed to be attached to you

Rediculous assumption! I formula fed and tbh it was easy, I could go out shopping etc and life went on with a baby.

[Ummbopdoowap]

He is now telling DD "Mummy said she doesn't like you anymore."

That's an awful thing to say, joke or no joke. He sounds like a dick.

Breastfeeding for me, was as you describe. Dd was permanently attached to start with, but it does get better. Growth spurts and cluster feeding are hard but the amount of feeds does cut down eventually. I really wanted to breastfeed and am glad I stuck with it but the choice was mine alone. It's your breasts and it's your body and the choice of how to feed her should be completely yours imo.