To formula feed baby despite OH's objections.

[Herbie22]

DD is 5 weeks old and exclusively breast fed. I am finding this tough because she is either on the boob or upset.
This is my first baby so I'm not sure what I am doing. I think she might not be getting enough from me as she needs near constant feeds. I would like to top her up with formula as I literally do nothing all day/night but feed her. I know that it's hard work a newborn but I can't even walk down the road to the shops without her screaming. I don't get to see anyone and it is making me sad and lonely.

I tried to speak to OH about this and he said that he doesn't want her on formula. He said that I am making enough milk because she is gaining weight. I don't think she is gaining it fast enough though which worries me.
I also wonder if she would sleep better if she was formula fed. I am up nearly all night feeding her at the moment which is another reason I think I'm not producing enough milk as she won't settle.
I don't want to give up BF completely. Maybe just supplement her feeding but at the moment I feel like I've lost all my zest for life because all I do is sit either on the sofa or on my bed feeding. It is also damaging my relationship with OH as we can't even have dinner without DD wanting to be fed (though I do feed her just before) and I'm starting to resent him getting to do things, even popping to Tesco, without a baby attached to him.
I know I sound horribly ungrateful as I am so blessed to have DD! I just want to be able to do things other than feed her!

[TurquoiseDress]

YANBU

It's completely up to you how you choose to feed your baby and really, with respect, you partner should support you whichever way you choose.

Topping up with formula is not a crime- if you feel your baby needs it then go for it.

If you feel you do not wish to continue with exclusive BF, then adding in some formula feeds is completely reasonable.

Listen to everyone else's thoughts & opinions by all means, but at the end of the day do what is right for you and your baby.

[Herbie22]

Thank you. It is very helpful to hear other POV

DD isn't tongue tied, she's been checked.

OH can be a bit strange. He comes from a wealthy family and is a bit spoilt. He always had everything his way. He provides for us and we split chores 50/50. He is besotted with the baby. He does baths and nappy changes. He doesn't like having DD by herself because she gets so upset when she's hungry.

[UnbornMortificado]

He sounds like a complete arsehole Herbie.

You've managed 5 weeks which is more then some people manage. You need to look after your MH. I'm not BF at all so I can get back on my antipsychotics, my DH has no say on the matter it's my brain, my boobs and my choice.

Please do keep an eye on your mental state and ask for help if needed. PND is very common and much better to deal with it as soon as possible. Not saying you have or will get it just it's worth being vigilant

[PainCanBeBeautiful]

Oh fuck off yoda. I have anxiety and depression as well as being suicidal and I chose to stop expressing breast milk for my very sick child and instead had her put on special formula. According to you however all I expect is breast milk for all babies

[PersisFord]

I get such EPIC RAGE when people have such strong opinions on baby feeding. Even husbands. Even someone who has breastfed themselves doesn't know how it feels to be you, with your baby. Only you know that.

I've fed 3 now. It does get much easier, and if you are lazy and disorganised like me it is much easier in the future to whip a boob out than have a sterilised bottle, formula, the right temperature water, etc. But if you have a bit more of a grip than I ever had then there are enormous benefits to formula, chief amongst them being that someone else can do it.

I wouldn't count on your DH doing loads of feeds but it can be quite stressful when you feel your baby only wants you for your boobs. I've bottle fed newborns before and it's a lovely bonding experience. You've done 5 weeks, that's amazing. You should do what makes you happy. Your little girl will do brilliantly either way because you love her.

[AppleAndBlackberry]

I don't think it is normal for babies to literally feed constantly at 5 weeks. It might feel constant, especially in the evenings if they're cluster feeding for several hours but earlier in the day you might expect to be feeding for half an hour then have an hour's break or more.

[Topseyt]

What an utter arsewipe for the comment about you not liking DD anymore!!!

That alone would make the decision for me and I wouldn't pay any further attention to another single thing he said. He would be told to fuck right off, and I would then get on with formula feeding.

It possibly raises the question of whether he will support or undermine you on a regular basis as your child grows up. Pull him up sharply on it now, while your DD is still too young to understand it. His reaction to that will tell you much of what you need to know.

[MitzyLeFrouf]

Your breasts, your mental health, your decision OP. On breastfeeding threads you will always get people advising you to do as they did. But you need to do what's right for you as well as what's right for your child.

[ijustwannadance]

If you need to stop or mix feed then do it with no guilt. It is your decision.

After a few weeks of no sleep and bleeding nipples I was in a bad way mentally. DD was a big baby and always hungry. I lost 1.5 stone in 2 weeks.
My health visitor was a twat who made me feel like I was the fucking devil when I asked her advice on stopping bf.

My DP went out and bought a carton of liquid formula, made a bottle and DD slept for 4 hours. 4 fucking heavenly hours.

He could then do night feeds too. My mum could take her for a walk and feed her if I needed a break in the day. It was such a relief.

My mental health was far more important than how my baby was fed.

[user1487070016]

It can be really hard exclusively breastfeeding but it is better for your baby. I suspect that your DH wants the best for them (as I'm sure you do too) and perhaps his concern is not expressing itself in the best way.

What you're describing sounds normal for a growth spurt and these can seem to go on and on. The only way I found to cope was to just go with it - get some tasty ready meals in (send dh to get them) and lots of chocolate. Also a decent flask for tea/coffee/your preference which he can fill up for you before he goes to work

My LO is 8m and I did find it claustrophobic for the first few months. Having said that I do think that it was/is totally worth pushing through those difficult patches (I have spent most of today on the sofa as he has a cold and is cluster feeding like mad and crying when I put him down). However it has generally got much easier as he has got older and I very rarely feel "trapped" by it in the way I did sometimes earlier on.

You should know that you can leave your baby - there were a few times where I had to go (or send DH out with LO) in order to save my own sanity. An hour without feeding is not going to hurt your baby provided you are available most of the time. If DH wants you to BF then he is hopefully willing to support you in doing so; send him and baby out for an hour so you can have a relaxing bath/shower or leave him and baby in the house and go for a coffee and cake/whatever (costa etc are open late).

If you don't want to BF then that's a different matter and discussion to be had with DH; it is your body but BF is best for your baby so it's understandable that he wants you to continue.

There is lots of evidence showing that replacing BF with formula affects breastmilk supply so if you do want to partially supplement with formula then you should pick a feed/time of day and use formula at that time every day. Do not bother trying to feed one night and get DH to do the feeds the next - it will play havoc with your boobs and your LO's sleep.

[PainCanBeBeautiful]

Breastfeeding is not best if it is detrimental to the mothers health.

People need to stop spouting bullshit about it being the best.

[Chattycat78]

On the feeding- I used a bottle for one feed a day at around 10.30 at night from about 3 weeks old for both ds. DH did the feed an I went to bed. We used formula after my expressed supply ran out and it had absolutely no effect whatsoever on my milk supply. It's not all or nothing. Mix feeding is a totally viable option and tbh it saved me and allowed me to continue feeding for 8 months the first time and 9 months the second time as I was able to get a break from it and meant that someone other than me could do a feed.

[NotYoda]

Pain


I am sorry about your mental health and your baby

[AssassinatedBeauty]

If she's just fed and had a good feed then there's no reason why he can't have her, even if she cries. He needs to find his own way of comforting her, whether that's with a dummy, asking or whatever.

[Dentistlakes]

There's a fine line between encouraging someone to keep going and helping them make the right decision for them as the person who is actually doing all the hard work.

DH was the same as your OH OP. He was very set on me breastfeeding exclusively (no formula) and I'm sure I would have mix fed had it not been for his support.

The thing is, all the behaviour you are describing is completely normal. Babies do feed constantly for the first 6-8 weeks and you are pretty much trapped in that cycle. I used to eat with my evening meal balanced on the arm of the sofa whilst my babies fed constantly all evening.

I can only say what I did was right and tolerable for me. I have no right to dictate to you.

This is your decision OP. If you want to give formula then you should go ahead and do so with no guilt whatsoever.

[Ummbopdoowap]

Tbh to start with I wanted to mix feed so I could get a break and then carry on just breastfeeding once I felt more refreshed, but could never get dd to take a bottle - tried all sorts of teats etc. As yours has a dummy (mine never would sick a dummy either), I think you might have more luck.

[ButtMuncher]

CommonSense - hence why I said ops supply MAY suffer, not that it definitely would.

[gillybeanz]

"mummy doesn't like you anymore"
response.
"Daddy doesn't like you at all, as he never feeds you"

[MooPointCowsOpinion]

I haven't RTFT but I wanted to recommend a sling. Babies breastfeed for reasons other than hunger or thirst, they just like feeling close to you, so a nice sling to keep baby close so you are hands free might be great for both of you. They tend to fall asleep in slings because of the movement and your smell and heartbeat, for a bit of peace for you. Good luck, whatever you choose.

[nocoolnamesleft]

Please remember the purpose of encouraging breastfeeding: a happy healthy baby, and a happy healthy mother. Breast feeding, when it works, is indeed best. But not by enough to make up for destroying the mother. A baby needs their mum even more than they need their milk.

Talk to your health visitor to check weight gain. Seek breastfeeding advice and support. But, ultimately, if you need to introduce formula feeding for the sake of your own health and sanity, then let's just all be glad we live in a country and a time when that is, indeed, a safe option for the baby.

Oh, and if need be, your DH can fuck the fuck off with his opinions. He should be supporting you.

[AssassinatedBeauty]

*a sling, not "asking"

[TurquoiseDress]

@Herbie22

The pressure of dealing with an upset baby shouldn't just fall to you!

If your partner does some formula feeds then you can get a rest and he can have some lovely bonding time with the baby.

This is what my DH did and he was fully competent to soothe & feed our LO by this stage (5 weeks) when required.

[Topseyt]

He doesn't like having her by herself because of how she is when hungry, but he is happy to dictate that you should do it all.

If formula were introduced then he would have a perfectly acceptable option whereby HE could feed and satisfy DD if he needed to without you needing to be present if you weren't planning to be. Surely he can understand that, or perhaps he just chooses not to.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

I hope due to the lack of posts, you have been busy kicking him in the nuts.

Seriously he is very disrespectful. I found the first 2 months tough then again at 5.5 months when dd wasn't getting enough from me and I weaned her.

If you really want to breast feed longer term, this will get better. Your mental health is worth more so if you want to introduce a bottle, that's fine as well. I would just say, just to be aware, those mums, who I am friends with who didn't ebf at this stage usually quickly went onto formula. I don't remember these friends bf past 4 months. So just something to consider. Perhaps other posters will have different experiences.

[friends123]

Herbie, just to let you know my lo is doing the same. He is 6 weeks too and I totally know where your coming from. I rang the HV and they said it was normal. By all means use formula if you want to. Have you tried expressing so your DH can help out?