To formula feed baby despite OH's objections.

[Herbie22]

DD is 5 weeks old and exclusively breast fed. I am finding this tough because she is either on the boob or upset.
This is my first baby so I'm not sure what I am doing. I think she might not be getting enough from me as she needs near constant feeds. I would like to top her up with formula as I literally do nothing all day/night but feed her. I know that it's hard work a newborn but I can't even walk down the road to the shops without her screaming. I don't get to see anyone and it is making me sad and lonely.

I tried to speak to OH about this and he said that he doesn't want her on formula. He said that I am making enough milk because she is gaining weight. I don't think she is gaining it fast enough though which worries me.
I also wonder if she would sleep better if she was formula fed. I am up nearly all night feeding her at the moment which is another reason I think I'm not producing enough milk as she won't settle.
I don't want to give up BF completely. Maybe just supplement her feeding but at the moment I feel like I've lost all my zest for life because all I do is sit either on the sofa or on my bed feeding. It is also damaging my relationship with OH as we can't even have dinner without DD wanting to be fed (though I do feed her just before) and I'm starting to resent him getting to do things, even popping to Tesco, without a baby attached to him.
I know I sound horribly ungrateful as I am so blessed to have DD! I just want to be able to do things other than feed her!

I was wondering that too OP. Does the HV want you to top-up with formula after each breastfeed during the day, or stop bf altogether?

She wants DD to be mainly formula fed with breastfeeding for comfort. My poor little DD really isn't where she should be. I feel horrendous like I've been starving her for six weeks. She's tiny she's hardly gained since she was born. I feel I've really let her down.

You have done your level best and more.
Just keep looking forward now. Has she taken ok to the formula and the bottle?

Herbie22 don't beat yourself up. I doubt HV said your baby is starving! Your child is well, you just need to add formula that's all.

Life is too short for dicking about with a kettle. Struggling with a screaming baby whilst waiting for the kettle to cool and running bottles under the cold tap is nearly as torturous as struggling to breast feed. Get yourself a perfect prep machine, they're £50 in ASDA, and some of the ready made formula bottles for night feeds. There's no shame in making life a bit easier for yourself.

DD2 i did morning and bedtime breast feed and FF the others. I hated breast feeding. It was never less than agony but I quite enjoyed doing it that way.

Do what you want. Don't let anyone bully you into what they want you to do. It's grim enough without being made to feel like a failure by the breast is best brigade.

You have done your absolute best. There are a team of people looking out for her- you, DH, the extended family and the HCPs. Don't let it overwhelm you, share it around a bit!

Re the bottles, honestly in the UK with clean water, a clean kitchen, sterilised bottles etc, it is all low risk. Try not to fret about the details.
Keep the lid on the formula tub when not in use.
Sterilise bottles etc.
Don't give the second half of a bottle after it's been hanging around in a warm room for a couple of hours.

It's probably really overwhelming reading all these different ways to make up formula.

Some people saying do this, others saying do that, wait this long, wait that long etc etc etc. I don't see any need to boil the kettle and time how long before using the water. I just used it shortly after it finished boiling.

Anyway. Most people do make them up in batches enough for 1 day/night, flash cool and then store in the fridge. Then warm them up as and when they need them.

Everyone does it their way but as long as the feeds are made up with boiling water in the first place that is the important thing.

It really isn't a faff. It is made out to be for some reason. But it's not.

Compared to breastfeeding, of course it isn't as straight forward and there is more to think about but it's not this big faff that takes up loads of time.

We had 2 full sets of bottles, more than enough for 2 days of feeds. About 12-14.

One set being scrubbed/washed after use and put in the steriliser ready to be sterilised once all the bottles were in there. One set in the fridge with formula in.

Once you get used to it, it shouldn't take more than 5-10 minutes a day to make up a batch, cool, and put in the fridge.

Get a small cooler lunch bag with mini ice bricks, and then it's just a case of remembering to take as many feeds out with you as you need.

Tommee tippee do a travel warmer which is essentially a large flask to take boiling water out with you to warm bottles up.

Everything packed neatly in the basket of our pram, or in the changing bag.

In writing it sounds faffy, but it's fine.

Try to relax and stop making yourself feel bad, this is the way it has to be so she can gain weight, it's not your fault!

For your bottles, every time you make a new bottle, fill a second sterilised bottle with half the required amount of boiled water and leave it to cool. This is for your next feeding session. So if you're making 6oz bottles, pop 3oz boiled water in the second bottle and leave to cool. Then when you're ready to make up the bottle, add 3 oz freshly boiled water to your first sterilised bottle plus the 6 scoops formula, shake, then add the 3oz of cooled boiled water from your second bottle. This brings the temp down quickly and I find it's still usually just a little bit too hot so I pop in a jug of cold water for about 3 or 4 minutes. Just enough time to do a nappy change and your bottle is ready to go. Same principle as the perfect prep machine.

If you have enough spare bottles you could measure out all your portions of boiling water for a 24 hour period and leave them to cool. Just make sure you use them within 24 hours.

I hope I explained that ok, it is much simpler than my explanation suggests!!!

For night feeds take a thermos of boiling water up to bed with you so you don't even need to boil the kettle, and do the same thing with the second bottle of cooled boiled water.

You have not failed your DD at all. If they were really concerned they'd have made you take her back to hospital. My friend got readmitted for that reason. I ended up in hospital for nearly a week after the birth and on day 4 they told me that if I'd have been at home the community midwife would have sent us back to hospital due to our feeding and weight gain issues. My DD is doing great now, we just had a wobbly start. You'll be the same.

You're not a failure, OP. She probably has undiagnosed tongue tie, which isn't your fault is it?!

How old is she, how much did she weigh at birth and how much does she weigh now?

Oh you are so not a failure! A failure would not bother to try, would not bother to ask for help. Just because breastfeeding is natural, doesn't mean it's easy. You've given it a good try, you have nothing whatsoever to beat yourself up about. Go ahead and enjoy your baby. You will have just as much love and bonding through bottles. In fact IME my bottle-fed baby was able to make much more eye-contact with me while feeding than my breastfed babies.

And as far as 'not where she should be' goes, all my dc took 3w to regain their birth weight, regardless of how they were fed, and none of them continued along their birth centile, again regardless of how they were fed. Yet they were all fit and healthy.

A failure would not bother to try

Know you're trying to be supportive, and much of it was great, but ew at that particular sentiment.

Agreed, I know where it was coming from but...

A failure would not bother to try

Seriously?

Why can't parents just support one another instead of putting others down because they don't make the same choices?

ODFOD

Not read the whole thread but dads don't get a say in this.

Your body, your choice. 100%.

herbie you have not let her down, please don't feel like that.
My ds couldn't bf due to birth injuries and I expressed for him for almost 3 months, I was on my knees but I was so determined he was getting the best that I couldn't see the best is a mum who is not permanently exhausted, tearful and sore. A baby is just as happy with a full belly of formula and a cuddle they are with a bf.
You've done amazingly mama give yourself a pat on the back.

herbie, you have not been starving her!

It is normal for a breastfed baby to lose between 5 and 7 % of weight. Normal.

Babies just do lose birth weight. They are used to having food on demand in the womb, through a hugely efficient system which also makes sure they're kept warm and comfortable and don't expend too much energy. Then suddenly, they're out in the world, and no feeding system will ever be as efficient as your placenta, and they are using energy to do things like breathing and keeping warm, and crying, and moving much more. It is really normal for them to lose weight. It's nothing to do with you failing.

ODFOD yourself. It was not a value judgement. I did not say 'would not bother to try bfing'. Perhaps I could have said 'would not bother to try doing what she felt was best'.

Herbie feels bad because she feels she has not given her child what she needed. My point is that she has tried. It doesn't matter what that need was - whether food, sleep, socialisation - she has tried.

The person who fails their child is the person who does not try - at whatever it is their child needs.

"Herbie feels bad because she feels she has not given her child what she needed. My point is that she has tried. It doesn't matter what that need was - whether food, sleep, socialisation - she has tried."

That was clear to me, from your previous post, @GoodyGoodyGumdrops.

goody I understood what you meant too.

Hi OP,
Just wanted to pop in to say that I totally get the feeling like you've let your LO down.
I formula fed my 1st after 2 weeks due to horrendous bleeding nipples and PND, then formula fed my 2nd after about 5 months and both time's I felt guilty! I'm pretty convinced now that whatever I'd done wouldn't have been good enough!
But once you start getting some sleep and your hormones settle you'll feel better.
Your DD will be healthy and happy and she won't have any ill effects.
We live in a wonderful age where we have access to nutritionally complete baby milk that will provide everything your DD needs.
She will sleep better and you will get into a routine where bottles are 2nd nature.

But seriously, GET A PERFECT PREP!
They're an absolute God send!

My DS was exactly the same OP. I mix Fed him in the end until he was 10mo. I would give him a bf and then topped up with formula. This gave me a good enough supply to bf only in the night, thereby meaning I didn't need to fuss with bottles.
At 5wo he had lost so much weight that I had to feed him every 3hrs regardless of Whether he wanted it or not! As a toddler he was a terrible eater, and its only now he's 8 that he eats properly! We have both survived to tell the tale!

I've never mixed fed so anyone with direct experience feel free to correct me.... but I would have thought a good plan would be start boiling the kettle when you know your baby wants to feed. Offer them the boob. When they've had half an hour or so on the boob you can make up the forumla bottle with cooled boiled water (which is what pp have advised ^^ ) then you can top baby up with forumla.

That way it should address the weight issue but keep your BF supply going (if that's what you want).

In the mean time, get baby checked for TT and reflux (that's the last time I'll say it!!!!) and you may find that you can ditch the formula and go back to exclusive BF if your baby has a TT snip (if you want to).

You still haven't said how your DD reacted to the formula milk... did it seem to cause any problems that would suggest allergy to cows milk protein? (cmpa)... excess gas/trapped wind/colic, diarrhoea, eczema?? If so, and you continue with forumla you'll need to get your DD on prescription milk (not lactose free and not soya forumla. It needs to be a highly hydrologilized formula where the milk protien has been broken down).

Hello all.
Baby is now on five bottles a day and has made amazing weight gains since Tuesday. She is much more content and the whole house is happier. I still breastfeed her at night, night feeds and first thing in the morning.
Thank you all who wrote on this thread. It's been so helpful and supportive.