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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who was being unreasonable?

269 replies

BloodInMyCaffeineStream · 29/05/2017 12:41

Yesterday person A had a long day at work. They left at 0730 and arrived home at 2220. Person B had been home with person A and person B's toddler. Person A had a very busy and stressful day, hadn't been able to eat or drink for 10 hours or so.
Person A arrived home to find person B sitting on the sofa, washing up not done and stuff all over the side. They had insisted on waiting for person A to eat and had just put some salmon in the oven and made a salad. The salmon ended up undercooked and the salad had dirt on it after being washed. Person A points this out, person b starts aggressively washing the salad, throwing it about. Person A puts their head in their hands saying they can't cope with this shit. Person B starts shouting about what a difficult day they gave had with their toddler (person b works full time mon-fri 9-5), this culminates in a blazing row. Person A calls person B a horrible person and swears at them. Person B swears back and goes to sleep in another room.
Who was being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Anothernewnn · 29/05/2017 15:43

So person A is female, person B is male.

Well that changes everything then. Hmm

Somerford · 29/05/2017 15:44

Whichever person decided that "Person A" and "Person B" were the best terms to use is being unreasonable.

OlennasWimple · 29/05/2017 15:44

You both need to grow up, apologise to each other and work in partnership

and stop with the person A and B stuff

FlapAttack88 · 29/05/2017 15:44

I agree about some jobs being very hard to eat drink and wee though. . You need to find a way ti deal with this so you don't rock up home in a mega grump.

April241 · 29/05/2017 15:46

If you work in direct contact with patients I hope you don't waffle over the top of them and ignore them if they ask you to rephrase something.

MrTumblesbitch · 29/05/2017 15:48

ARE YOU READING OUR REPLIES?!?!??

Sorry for shouting, but seriously!

So now we have ascertained that you are A, and a woman, and we allllllll still think it was both your faults and not an big deal, how are you going to move forward??

Owlettecatboy · 29/05/2017 15:48

Person A sounds like a bit of a knob TBH. Toddler was safe, fed and put to bed. B probably had a rough day too and managed to make dinner.

Smidge001 · 29/05/2017 15:50

Person A is being an arse.
Still.

Who comes home from work to someone who works full time and has looked after a toddler all day, waited to have dinner with them and prepared dinner for them, then just points out everything possible wrong with it???! How rude, and how mean!

I'm sure being tired, hungry and dehydrated doesn't help your mood, but I would have thought by now you'd have worked out you're the one being more unreasonable.

If I waited and cooked dinner for my other half then all they did was point out the lettuce wasn't perfectly rinsed and the fish wasn't cooked precisely to their liking I'd most certainly not want to bother spending time with them or making them dinner again. Not until they apologised and stopped taking their bad decisions and poor organisation out on me.

Quartz2208 · 29/05/2017 15:52

I think the argument must be symptomatic of a larger issue which is that B does not do much other than work 9-5

category12 · 29/05/2017 15:52

Still don't know why person A didn't have at least a drink on the train home.

Person A, you say you usually do the house and cooking - are you pissed off because you feel you would have done those jobs and you feel let down by him?

Gabilan · 29/05/2017 15:54

If you work in direct contact with patients I hope you don't waffle over the top of them and ignore them if they ask you to rephrase something

They might be under GA and unable to talk at all.

OP I get that Person A you were knackered, thirsty and hungry. I get that you had no access to food and drink at work. It would make me very grumpy. But I would also hope that knowing it was going to be a long day, I'd take a bottle of water and a protein bar with me and eat and drink on the way home.

Maybe B wasn't the most organised and didn't do the best job. Maybe B isn't used to toddlers and was overwhelmed. Maybe he's a lazy tosser. But I would be inclined to recognise that when you're hungry and thirsty, you're just grumpy. Let it go.

AppleOfMyEye10 · 29/05/2017 15:55

You are the unreasonable one, doesn't matter if you were A or B purely for the stupid A and B nonsense. Why don't you just say now that you are A? If you are this infuriating you deserve the undercooked salmon

tickwhitetick · 29/05/2017 15:56

Stop being a martyr. I don't believe you that you couldn't get one single drink all shift. Bullshit

April241 · 29/05/2017 15:59

Gabilan if OP is involved in theatre they'll need to speak to their patient at some point, either at clinic appointments, pre-assessment, pre-op, post-op. Plenty of opportunity to speak to them, unless of course they're part of the scrub and circulating team in which case they'd have time to eat or drink at some point during the case.

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 29/05/2017 15:59

I totally believe you couldn't get a single drink all shift. I have done many, many shifts like that.

tickwhitetick · 29/05/2017 16:00

toostressy I would have done many shifts like that if it hadn't occurred to me to bring a full water bottle

Mammylamb · 29/05/2017 16:01

Both are being u. But, you were both bloody knackered. So kiss and make up. To all those holier than thou who are horrified that a stressed couple with a toddler would be anything other than calm, kind and understanding with their partner at the end of the day; enjoy polishing your halos

PoorYorick · 29/05/2017 16:01

Goodnesd, I wonder which person you are.

isntthatlovely · 29/05/2017 16:02

sounds like a lovely situation to be in, o i wish i had more DD and LOV and SM and DC and LPG and RPGs

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 29/05/2017 16:05

tickwhitetick, obviously I am unwillling to out myself but quite a few areas in my Trust ban individual drinks bottles due to infection control and due to patients and relatives complaining that the staff were having a drink rather than working Hmm. One area in particular had a couple of staff faint before they relaxed their policies but others still stand. Lots of complaints from relatives about staff drinking even if it is grabbing a quick cup of water.

Not always a water dispenser or any cups for it if there is one.

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 29/05/2017 16:07

Should clarify that the bottles are not completely banned but are banned in clinical areas. If you are stuck in a case or are looking after someone who may fall with nobody to relieve you, etc. then you cannot go and get one.

KatoPotato · 29/05/2017 16:09

As my Dad used to say of dreadful couples.

'At least they're only spoiling one house'

whoputthecatout · 29/05/2017 16:14

Person A and person B need to grow the fuck up.

user1482079332 · 29/05/2017 16:16

Sounds like youve both had a bad day. Stop competing and help each other out

MudCity · 29/05/2017 16:20

...it is perfectly possible to not get to eat, drink or pee for the length of the NHS shift. You may have food and drink in your bag but may not be able to leave the area to get it. Drinks often not allowed out due to extremely tight infection control rules and if you leave to get a drink / drink at the desk then you are accused of being lazy by staff and patients. I have worked in those kind of places. This is the reality of many (not all) NHS acute jobs which is one reason staff are on their knees. The fact that people do not believe it is possible shows how little the terrible conditions are publicised.

^ This...absolutely this.

Thank you Toostressy ...you took the words right out of my mouth.

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