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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who was being unreasonable?

269 replies

BloodInMyCaffeineStream · 29/05/2017 12:41

Yesterday person A had a long day at work. They left at 0730 and arrived home at 2220. Person B had been home with person A and person B's toddler. Person A had a very busy and stressful day, hadn't been able to eat or drink for 10 hours or so.
Person A arrived home to find person B sitting on the sofa, washing up not done and stuff all over the side. They had insisted on waiting for person A to eat and had just put some salmon in the oven and made a salad. The salmon ended up undercooked and the salad had dirt on it after being washed. Person A points this out, person b starts aggressively washing the salad, throwing it about. Person A puts their head in their hands saying they can't cope with this shit. Person B starts shouting about what a difficult day they gave had with their toddler (person b works full time mon-fri 9-5), this culminates in a blazing row. Person A calls person B a horrible person and swears at them. Person B swears back and goes to sleep in another room.
Who was being unreasonable?

OP posts:
NellieFiveBellies · 29/05/2017 15:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
BloodInMyCaffeineStream · 29/05/2017 15:17

So person A is senior in an acute speciality. Yesterday was unusually busy.

OP posts:
MrTumblesbitch · 29/05/2017 15:17

OP, are you listening to us all saying it's both your faults??

Can you see that this is just one of those niggles you get when you are both busy / tired / over worked / raising kids. It's not point scoring or a competition. You both feel you had shit days and should be being kind to each other.

Talk to each other, take snacks / water with you, get a cleaner and a slow cooker. Chill and move on!

LauraMoon · 29/05/2017 15:18

Can you please stop with the A and B crap?

FlyingElbows · 29/05/2017 15:20

Nobody senior in an acute speciality would spouting your stroppy shite on mumsnet!! That's hilarious Grin

Ecureuil · 29/05/2017 15:23

Are your listening OP? It's obvious who you are in the scenario so stop the tedious A and B crap.
You got home and the washing up wasn't done and dinner wasn't on the table, so were tired and hungry and pissed off.
Your partner tried to cook you a meal and it went wrong (as sometimes happens). You both over reacted. Don't talk to us, talk to your partner!
FWIW I'm a SAHM and if DH got home at that time (which he does frequently) I'd have already eaten and he'd make himself something. I don't even always do the washing up on the same day, I occasionally do it in the morning.

BearsDontDigOnDancing · 29/05/2017 15:27

NellieFiveBellies Mon 29-May-17 15:17:03
ok, look, whichever one you are is the one in the right.
the other one is a bastard.

that's what you want to hear, isnt it?

Exactly.

This is tiresome now tbh.

It all sounds very hard work and no wonder tempers are frayed so much to the point of there being aggressive lettuce washing.

MrTumblesbitch · 29/05/2017 15:27

Let it go, let it gooooooooo!

Seriously, you need to move on. Surely you of all people (Mr Senior Acute Specialist) realise there are more important things in life than still being hett up by undercooked salmon the day after it occurred?!

Gazelda · 29/05/2017 15:27

OP, please just go and give B a hug and say you're sorry you we're snappy yesterday, you're sure he understands how tired you were.
Life's too short for this sort of argument to fester.

becotide · 29/05/2017 15:29

Both. Person A is responsible for their own bodily needs and should not then throw their weight around because dinner isn't perfect. Person B could have mde a slightly better effort but is relatively blameless here. Both have been foul and grumpy

NotSureYet · 29/05/2017 15:29

Both. It isn't a competition. Working and commuting is hard and tiring. Being at home with the kids is hard and tiring. Working and being responsible for the kids is hard and tiring. As soon as you get over the "whose day was hardest" thing and realise you're on the same team, the better.

Anothernewnn · 29/05/2017 15:31

Oh god this isn't one of those threads written from the perspective of a toddler is it?

Gabilan · 29/05/2017 15:34

Right for those who don't understand much about certain jobs in the nhs, eating and drinking was not possible

Person A is mean.

HTH

Motoko · 29/05/2017 15:35

Take a bottle of water and a cereal bar to work. It only takes seconds to have a swig of water, and even if you really did have no time to eat something, even if it was just a biscuit, you could eat it on the way home.

I've seen plenty of nurses stations with bottles of water on them.

Eolian · 29/05/2017 15:36

Both slightly to blame, but mostly person A. It's not B's fault that A had a particularly bad day. B works full time and looked after the toddler all day, so is hardly lazy. Dinner didn't work out very well, which was unfortunate but can happen to anyone. Person A picked on this because he/she was grumpy after a hard day.

AntagonyAunt · 29/05/2017 15:37

YABU for sulking.

Blimey01 · 29/05/2017 15:37

I work in the NHS and although it hasn't been a common occurrence ive have had the odd shift where I haven't had a break/drink/toilet break for hours and hours. Not being a martyr it was just too busy and critically ill patients involved. It does happen.

Anyway sounds like you were both tired for different reasons and took it out on each other. I agree with the poster that said your on the same team. I think the dinner thing was supposed to be a kind, thoughtful gesture. Give b a hug and move on. X

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 29/05/2017 15:39

Both.

You need to start appreciating each other a bit more.

Original poster
BloodInMyCaffeineStream · 29/05/2017 15:40

So person A is female, person B is male.

A usually does the house and the cooking.

OP posts:
FlapAttack88 · 29/05/2017 15:40

Person A for failing to feed and water themselves at work and coming home in a huff. Person A can go rinse the fucking salad and pop the salmon back in oven rather than moaning on. Busy job or not you need to look after yourself and no come home and take it out on your family. Take responsibility for the fact you failed to eat or drink for 10 hours and get a water bottle and some food on you before you go

You haven't given much info on person B s day as it obviously isn't you. But it sounds like it wasn't a walk in the park and they were probably hungry from waiting for nobhead A to get home.

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 29/05/2017 15:40

Both. I say this as someone who has done both those type and of jobs.

I must point out though that it is perfectly possible to not get to eat, drink or pee for the length of the NHS shift. You may have food and drink in your bag but may not be able to leave the area to get it. Drinks often not allowed out due to extremely tight infection control rules and if you leave to get a drink / drink at the desk then you are accused of being lazy by staff and patients. I have worked in those kind of places. This is the reality of many (not all) NHS acute jobs which is one reason staff are on their knees. The fact that people do not believe it is possible shows how little the terrible conditions are publicised.

It's still bloody hard work looking after a toddler all day though.

FlapAttack88 · 29/05/2017 15:41

Shut up about person a and person b

NellieFiveBellies · 29/05/2017 15:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

penasol · 29/05/2017 15:42

Does person b also kick puppies?

TyneTeas · 29/05/2017 15:43

So regardless of the precise blame ratio, how are things going today OP