Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who was being unreasonable?

269 replies

BloodInMyCaffeineStream · 29/05/2017 12:41

Yesterday person A had a long day at work. They left at 0730 and arrived home at 2220. Person B had been home with person A and person B's toddler. Person A had a very busy and stressful day, hadn't been able to eat or drink for 10 hours or so.
Person A arrived home to find person B sitting on the sofa, washing up not done and stuff all over the side. They had insisted on waiting for person A to eat and had just put some salmon in the oven and made a salad. The salmon ended up undercooked and the salad had dirt on it after being washed. Person A points this out, person b starts aggressively washing the salad, throwing it about. Person A puts their head in their hands saying they can't cope with this shit. Person B starts shouting about what a difficult day they gave had with their toddler (person b works full time mon-fri 9-5), this culminates in a blazing row. Person A calls person B a horrible person and swears at them. Person B swears back and goes to sleep in another room.
Who was being unreasonable?

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 29/05/2017 14:20

I meant which one was which as I got confused. It's also easier if the OP is clear about which one is which

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 29/05/2017 14:21

And actually given there was shouting etc, they did 'do' something

Herschellmum · 29/05/2017 14:30

Both, perhaps both lacking in communication too. I can see why you would be upset though.

Quartz2208 · 29/05/2017 14:38

They both overreacted in the argument. I'm not really sure what A wanted. If all B hadn't gone was wash up (which makes sense as dinner had not been eaten) and left some stuff out on the side A totally overreacted.

The heart of this is a failure to communicate at all/well. A discussion regarding dinner would have solved all this

expatinscotland · 29/05/2017 14:38

This is like those fucking 'they' posts. I always wonder how the hell people like Person A are still alive, I mean, if they relied on others to feed them their entire lives, however did they manage when they were single and didn't have a built-in skivvy who prepares food suitable to their tastes - waa! The salmon is undercooked! How do you aggressively wash a salad? Obviously Person A seems to think it is the job of others to feed him/her, as can't be organised to take a bottle of water and some snacks along.

Both are being unreasonable.

Ecureuil · 29/05/2017 14:50

I can't get past 'aggressively washed a salad' to be honest!
It's obvious that person A is you OP as you're trying your hardest to make person B look lazy and unreasonable.
If you've got a problem in your relationship, talk to your partner. And take a bottle of water to work.

viques · 29/05/2017 14:54

Don't cook salmon in the oven, much nicer pan fried, uses less fuel and easier to tell if it is cooked .

Sorry, misses point of thread.

BoysofMelody · 29/05/2017 14:55

Bloody hell op if you can't get your shit together sufficiently to get food and drink ready for work the next morning or buy a sandwich and a bottle of water on the way there or back, then you really need to sort yourself out.

Once you set aside all the crap about aggressively washed salad, your complaint boils down to 'my tea wasn't on the table the second I walked through the door.'

Anothernewnn · 29/05/2017 14:58

Yes but pan fried fish smells are much stronger and tends to linger viques

Original poster
BloodInMyCaffeineStream · 29/05/2017 15:00

Right for those who don't understand much about certain jobs in the nhs, eating and drinking was not possible.
Person a usually prepares all the food. This was the first time person b has cooked for them in a couple of months. The washing up was from the toddlers lunch and tea

OP posts:
BoysofMelody · 29/05/2017 15:02

Blood so you couldn't have got a drink and a snack on your way home then?

And please stop this person A/person B business, it is utterly transparent who is who from the way it is written?

arethereanyleftatall · 29/05/2017 15:06

So, if you do a ten hour shift for NHS, you're not allowed to go to the toilet?

Anothernewnn · 29/05/2017 15:07

Urgh. Enough of making yourself a saint OP.

Lelloteddy · 29/05/2017 15:07

Arethereanyleftatall, it's a common saying in the NHS that you worry that your patient hasn't peed for 6 hours, then realise that you haven't peed for 12.

SavoyCabbage · 29/05/2017 15:08

What washing up wasn't done? From the salmon and salad meal that wasn't yet ready?

Person A sounds like the problem to me. They should have eaten something as soon as they could, either on the bus or whatever on the way home or crammed a hob nob in their mouths when they got in.

As a family, meals need to be more planned. Don't have an in 'the oven meal' if you want it to be quick. Have a stir fry, fresh pasta or a slow cooker meal.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 29/05/2017 15:08

Are you A or B? Why be so secretive?

bigmack · 29/05/2017 15:09

Was it also not possible to eat and drink on the way home?

Fragglez · 29/05/2017 15:09

Person A worked a 15 hr shift
Without taking any of the substantive breaks legally required
They are either stupid in thinking this is efficient working or being pushed around at work.
They came home and took this out on person B who they don't think is working as hard as they are.
Martyr.

This.

I suspect person B wanted to do a nice dinner for person A, especially as person B doesn't tend to do any cooking.

Person A then had a shit fit because they were stressed and tired and hungry. None of which was person B's fault.

Person B was pissed off because they tried to do something nice and person A threw it back in their face.

Sound about right person A OP?

IvorHughJarrs · 29/05/2017 15:09

I suspect you are just posting here for validation, not for genuine advice, hence the silly A and B stuff but in my opinion YAbothBU.

If your partner came in hangry and expected tea on the table and to be greeted adoringly, you would quite rightly complain as looking after toddlers is no walk in the park. Equally your partner could have planned a bit better to be supportive as we all know those type of days at work are draining.
For what it's worth my DH used to work FT 5 days then have our DCs one day while I worked. We had spag bol for tea every week, the DCs wore the most peculiar outfits (think woolly jumper, frilly petticoat and wellies type of combo Grin) and my food would always have to be microwaved but we all survived and the DCs now laugh about how they enjoyed their "Daddy Days".

You both need to try to be supportive

harderandharder2breathe · 29/05/2017 15:10

It's clear you're person A. Stop fussing on here. Go and speak to your partner and apologise for being a cow and they can apologise as well, and you can all get on with your lives. Sorry that the thread hasn't gone the way you wanted with everyone ganging up on your partner, but get over it.

April241 · 29/05/2017 15:10

Whichs jobs in the NHS leave absolutely no time for even a swig of water? I've worked in the NHS for 8 years in extremely busy departments and there's always 5 minutes somewhere to shove in a piece of fruit, nip to the toilet etc.

rollonthesummer · 29/05/2017 15:10

Right for those who don't understand much about certain jobs in the nhs, eating and drinking was not possible

I don't actually believe that you could not have eaten or drunk anything for ten hours! If this is so accepted during the NHS-why didn't you take a snack and drink in your bag to have on the way home or when you went to the toilet?

rollonthesummer · 29/05/2017 15:11

What is your job in the NHS?

Awescapism · 29/05/2017 15:14

Right for those who don't understand much about certain jobs in the nhs, eating and drinking was not possible

What job then? This is often stated, but very, very, very rarely true (less so in A and E, as if it gets busy food and drink are usually brought to the staff).

category12 · 29/05/2017 15:15

It'll probably be the last time person B tries to cook for A for a few months if their salad-washing isn't deemed up to scratch.