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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH doesn't want me using mumsnet anymore.

249 replies

PullUpAGlass · 29/05/2017 08:40

And he might read this since he's said he's going to trawl through the forum to prove that it's a terrible place.

All started last night when I made a joke to DH about LTB. He asked what that meant so I told him. This started an all night argument about how he hates mumsnet, thinks it's dangerous for relationships, thinks it's a forum full of man-hating and stories about blokes with their nobs out, it's a site which is degrading to men and offensive for women to use. He went on to say that it's not normal for women to obsess over a forum where everyone hangs out their dirty laundry and he wouldn't mind if I did the "normal woman thing of complaining to friends over a coffee" Hmm but mumsnet is beyond that, he hates it and does not want me using it anymore.

He also declared that mumsnet is "destroying his faith in human kind" and that he thinks he hates women.

I personally think he's being sexist, controlling and constantly gunning for a row.

So AIBU? Sick of the constant arguining (not just over mumsnet but about everything, it's constant, there is always "something")

OP posts:
SnickersWasAHorse · 29/05/2017 12:40

He sounds like a bellend.

Why would we talk about mens with their knobs out?
Men's knobs are not of nearly as much interest to women as men seems to think they are.

sadsquid · 29/05/2017 12:43

There aren't many things DH could say that would make me consider walking out of our marriage, but 'I think I hate women' is up there.

peaceout · 29/05/2017 12:47

An all night argument, gah how exhausting and miserable😝
Imagine how lovely and relaxing your life could be without him in it
Don't waste your life feeling stressed OP

Isetan · 29/05/2017 12:47

This all sounds contradictory, you say you're hermit like and don't need to see friends beyond the once in a blue but on the flip side, is you are desperately trying to engage with someone who doesn't want to engage with you. It appears he dislikes women in general and you in particular.

Stop hiding! This relationship sounds unfulfilling at best and corrosive at worst. The question isnt "why is he such an arsehole?" but 'why the hell you don't want more from a relationship than listening to this man's idiocy"?

This is who he is and the price of being with this man is this crap, accept him for who he is or, move on

EggysMom · 29/05/2017 12:51

I haven't read the full thread but .. where are the stories of men with their knobs out? Grin

YetAnotherSpartacus · 29/05/2017 12:52

where are the stories of men with their knobs out

Does he mean men who can't keep it in their pants?

JanetBrown2015 · 29/05/2017 12:54

I am very very happy single (I was 19 years married). I recommend it and then men don't go around telling you what to do.

Whiskwarrior · 29/05/2017 12:56

Who else is expecting the husband to hijack the thread and start posting under the wife's account?

Countdown starts now...

NoLoveofMine · 29/05/2017 12:56

Much of social media is filled with misogyny and content actually degrading to women, but a forum posted on primarily by women often supporting one another and discussing a variety of topics including relationships (which from what I've seen tends to lead to a variety of opinions anyway) is what angers this chap. Oh dear.

NoLoveofMine · 29/05/2017 12:58

that he thinks he hates women

It shows. I suppose the only thing you can say is at least he's been open about it and told you how he feels about women, so you know he's a self-confessed misogynist.

Lynnm63 · 29/05/2017 13:02

whiskwarrior part of me hopes he does come on here. We eat idiots like him for breakfast. He's not going to like it here Grin

peaceout · 29/05/2017 13:02

Why would he tell her he hates women, does he think that will encourage her to go along with what he wants in order to persuade him to like women?

AWaspOnAWindowInAHeatwave · 29/05/2017 13:02

Mr Pullupaglass, I know you're going to read this. I wouldn't be surprised if your first name begins with a B. Or if Mrs Pullupaglass's first name begins with a T. Because if it is you, this is the exact sort of gaslighting bullshit you've been filling her head with for years, because you're shit scared of her having anywhere to discuss anything without running it past you first. Because you're shit scared one day the penny will drop and she will believe everyone who points out what a controlling fuck you actually are. For all your pleasantness and charm to the rest of the world, there are some of us who see right through you. And this sort of shite is the reason I (and the few other friends you allow her to have) have been telling her to LTB for a very long time now.

As you were.

MinesaPinot · 29/05/2017 13:06

stories about blokes with their nobs out

Blimey, I must have missed that one Grin

Seriously though, he sounds a bit of a nob himself - tell him to build a bridge and get over it.

Failing that, LTB

LittleLionMansMummy · 29/05/2017 13:06

This is a joke, right? I mean, an all night argument over your use of an internet forum?

My dh occasionally takes the piss and asks "have you consulted mumsnet yet?" But if he forbid me to use it is think he'd gone stark raving bonkers.

Your h is a controlling dicksplash op.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 29/05/2017 13:11

He seems to know an awful lot about Mumsnet.

It wouldn't surprise me if he is a poster on here himself. He wants you off in case you chance on one of his threads and recognizes you.

If anyone is interested there is a thread in Classics about some guy getting jiggy with a knife steel. HTH.

TheMaddHugger · 29/05/2017 13:13

My DH of 32 Years is laughing at your Duh [DH]

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 29/05/2017 13:15

WEll I can see why he doesn't want you using MN, to be honest. He's clearly worried that you're going to ask a question like you have, and get told that he's the controlling dickhead that he is, and that you should LTB - and he's right.

So - your choice really - work out what you get out of this relationship and either LTB (my preferred option for you), or give in and let him control all your social interactions from now on, since that's what he appears to want.

NameChanger22 · 29/05/2017 13:30

I've always found Mumsnet to be the opposite of man-hating.

Whenever I've posted on here to complain about the shitty men in my life, or the general state of the world (violence, crime, war, inequality, poverty etc) mostly caused by men having too much power, I've mostly been met with "they're not all like that", "my husband's wonderful, so they all must be wonderful", "men are amazing, where would we be without them".

OP - I think you should ignore your husband and do whatever you want. Or LTB.

MrsMeeseeks · 29/05/2017 13:35

Ugh. He sounds like a git. Does he have good points?

KurriKurri · 29/05/2017 13:40

In reality there are probably more posters complaining about awful behaviour from men because people don;t tend to post 'I'm in a very happy marriage, my DH is perfect in every way' because they don't need help.
People post to find out whether behaviour they are enduring is acceptable/ normal because when you are in a bad relationship you tend to lose sight of what is normal - you get so used to shit, it doesn't smell any more.

Benedikte2 · 29/05/2017 13:47

Unfortunately there are too many men like your H, OP (I will not call him DH!) My ex was one. At work I was a respected and competent professional but he treated me as an inferior who was expected to concentrate on making him happy. If he wasn't happy or was bored then I was at fault. I did my best (because I loved him and he hadn't behaved like this until after we were married) until I realised there was no way I could meet his expectations and that in some twisted way he didn't want me to. There was a long list of topics he didn't want me to talk about eg politics, friends, family and then he complained I never talked to him. What a monumental relief when I LTB. Even our DToddler said "good" when told. When I read the book "Women who love men and the men who hate them" ( must be more recent similar books) by a psychotherapist once in a similar relationship, my repeated question of "why is he like this, why does he treat me like this?" Was answered and I truly knew I wasn't responsible.

PossomInAPearTree · 29/05/2017 13:48

Well your dh is a sulky gaslighting, controlling possible alcoholic.

Fgs leave him. Do you have kids together? If not, leg it before you're more trapped. If you do have kids then leg it before your kids think this is what a normal relationship is.

To be honest he sounds like the sort of person who could get physically abusive down the line....once he's got a bit more control over you. Always spoiling for an arguement? Wants his own way and for you to toe the line?

Brogadoccio · 29/05/2017 13:55

So he thinks he hates women and you feel obliged to restore his faith in women, by.................................. being a doormat and doing what you're told?

I'm not being snappy there, my x pulled that stunt on me for years. He hated the back slapping brigade as well (ie, women looking out for each other)

thatdearoctopus · 29/05/2017 14:02

Actually, I've just remembered that my dh suggested once I might cut down on MN. I think I told him to fuck right off that I'd stop when he stopped watching sport on TV.

He's not mentioned it again.