DH doesn't want me using mumsnet anymore.

[PullUpAGlass]

And he might read this since he's said he's going to trawl through the forum to prove that it's a terrible place.

All started last night when I made a joke to DH about LTB. He asked what that meant so I told him. This started an all night argument about how he hates mumsnet, thinks it's dangerous for relationships, thinks it's a forum full of man-hating and stories about blokes with their nobs out, it's a site which is degrading to men and offensive for women to use. He went on to say that it's not normal for women to obsess over a forum where everyone hangs out their dirty laundry and he wouldn't mind if I did the "normal woman thing of complaining to friends over a coffee" but mumsnet is beyond that, he hates it and does not want me using it anymore.

He also declared that mumsnet is "destroying his faith in human kind" and that he thinks he hates women.

I personally think he's being sexist, controlling and constantly gunning for a row.

So AIBU? Sick of the constant arguining (not just over mumsnet but about everything, it's constant, there is always "something")

Your DH sounds like my ex. Didn't like mumsnet or women's magazines as they were dangerous apparently.

Pathetic !

Pan, I think it depends on whether people in the relationship are happy. One person might spend a lot of time happily on MN whilst their partner is happy reading or doing something else. This is equally true with other activities. That is fine.

It doesn't sound like the OP or her husband are very happy, however. They are arguing and generally not enjoying time spent together. They drink too much and have fallen out with other family members.

Tbh I think there would be another, just as unreasonable argument, if MN was out of the equation. It would just be complaint something else.

What positives does this arsehole person actually bring to the relationship?

Why are you still with him?

OP - do you think you'll be able to have a full, frank and honest chat with your OH once the dust settles from his outburst?

Do you think he'll listen to you?
Respect your feelings?
Try his best to change the behaviour which upsets you?

If none of this is likely you know what you have to do. Sorry

OP, the more you post about your husband the more extreme he seems. What makes him think he can "want" or "not want" you to use any website? Be "not happy" about how much time you spend on Fb? (This in the context that you don't neglect things, etc.). And if you work 30 hrs a week, who is he to prevent you from joining a gym? Are you enabling him to be this controlling?

Well that's 2 hours of my life I won't get back - just where are these
threads about men with their nobs out?

I don't know how you cope OP, I couldn't be doing with him.

You're a loner, always have been. That's good for him, it's easier to isolate and control you. The fact he doesn't like you using social media or websites adds to that.

Plus there is absolutely nothing to save with a man who explicitly states that he hates women. What the actual fucking fuck fuck fuck.

Just leave the weak and useless shitbag already.

How do these men who don't like mumsnet even know what it is?

What PoorYorick has just said.

rightsofwomen I know that, I work in a Domestic Abuse Unit. I meant personally, for me it is that easy, because I know.

My ex husband used to spit his dummy about my being on a mumsnet-like website. He felt it gave me ideas, and was time that could be better used elsewhere (i.e. on him).

Note, he is an "ex" husband. When the scales fell from my eyes, I realised that it was just one more aspect of his desire to control me and make sure I had no energy in life for anything but the care and maintenance of his good self.

After we broke up, he stalked me on that website, printed off my posts to take to his lawyer (as proof of my "mental illness" which he felt was proven by the fact that I wanted to divorce him - actually I was happy as a clam and forging ahead with life within about 2 months of getting shot of him), emailed me if I'd posted anything that he disapproved of (which was everything) and finally hounded me off the website. He then made a complete arse of himself by posting a massive rant on the website accusing the users there of breaking up his marriage.

OP's OH, don't be that guy, eh?

Pretty sure my other half would hate this site too, along with most of what I read and watch but as with most rational people he knows it's a matter of personal taste and preferences
Trying to control people can backfire and make them rebel against you, also takes a great deal of energy and time to keep another person on lock down 24/7

Good God, Pooch. Did you see that episode of Mad Men where Betty finally gets the strength to leave her revolting husband? And he responds by trying to get her to go back to the doctor who was sharing all her medical details with him? And she looks at him and says, "Because I'd have to be sick to want out of this?"

When a man tells you that you are mentally ill for wanting to leave him, he may as well be wearing a klaxon and a sign around his neck that says, "DUMP ME, I AM A CUNT AND I WILL DESTROY YOU!!!"

Pooch sounds like he had paranoid delusions 😨

He doesn't like this site because it might encourage you to think for yourself about your relationship and he wants to dictate all of the terms. He doesn't want any outside influence because he wants to be the only one influencing you.

Not a mad men fan, yorick but that sounds like something my ex would have been in favour of! The internet stalking was at the mild end of his theatre of derangement...don't start me.

In my kinder moments, peaceout, I feel compassion for a damaged man. It's taken many years to get to that place though.

It's just not something that secure, happy men do. OP, if you ever break up with him, I would be amazed if he didn't react as my ex did - he clearly doesn't like it when you are allowed to tell your own story - wanting to control communications is a bad, bad sign. Sorry.

My ex wouldn't have liked MN. If I'd known about then I may well have left him sooner.

He didn't like me reading, he found it threatening. And he hated all my friends. Pathetic, insecure men like that are all the same.

My ex didn't like me reading either. He felt that the rare occasions he actually wasn't in the pub that I should be attending to him.

his desire to control me and make sure I had no energy in life for anything but the care and maintenance of his good self
(I know it can't have been funny at the time, but I love how you've put it. Great that you've got away from him.)

And what's with these men who don't like their women reading?

I think mine didn't because he's thick as mince and has never managed to read a book. (he's not dyslexic, just mainly too drunk to focus).

He found it intimidating.

Wow he sounds like a sanctimonious miserable wanker. None of his damn business!

Nanna I don't think a man exists that could fit MNetters expectations.

Yeh, we should all just lower our expectations, forget respect or equality, and get on with serving men, eh?

And the OPs "D"H didn't say she was spending too much time on MN, he said it's degrading to men!

Your DH sounds just like my ExH, OP.

He's an ExH for a reason. He was an insecure woman-hating nobber who didn't want me to pursue my career or keep my old friends.

I've been married to the current Mr RagingCunt for over 20 yrs. there are good people out there. TBH, it doesn't sound like your DH is one of them.

" I don't think a man exists that could fit MNetters expectations"

It's really not difficult to be a decent human being , you know. Whatever sex you are.