DH doesn't want me using mumsnet anymore.

[PullUpAGlass]

And he might read this since he's said he's going to trawl through the forum to prove that it's a terrible place.

All started last night when I made a joke to DH about LTB. He asked what that meant so I told him. This started an all night argument about how he hates mumsnet, thinks it's dangerous for relationships, thinks it's a forum full of man-hating and stories about blokes with their nobs out, it's a site which is degrading to men and offensive for women to use. He went on to say that it's not normal for women to obsess over a forum where everyone hangs out their dirty laundry and he wouldn't mind if I did the "normal woman thing of complaining to friends over a coffee" but mumsnet is beyond that, he hates it and does not want me using it anymore.

He also declared that mumsnet is "destroying his faith in human kind" and that he thinks he hates women.

I personally think he's being sexist, controlling and constantly gunning for a row.

So AIBU? Sick of the constant arguining (not just over mumsnet but about everything, it's constant, there is always "something")

I'm guilty of not RTWT partly because I can guess what most of the answers are. I actually agree with your OH on some points, I do think MN is a place where men are slated for almost everything. I also think that it can encourage some people to make negative comparisons, I don't think a man exists that could fit MNetters expectations.

I have been married over 25 years and if I LTB for half of the things I should not tolerate, (according to this site), my marriage wouldn't have lasted 2 years. But I have just as many irritating habits as my OH and neither of us will ever be perfect.

I also agree with not being on my ipad or phone if we are doing something / watching TV or out together. I want my OH's attention on me not on social media. I think this may be an older generation thing though because I'm often surprised how many couples are out together but on their phones, when do they communicate?

However I also think this place can be a great support to people, especially when the problem can't be aired in RL, or someone needs a bit of perspective or advice. There are some great people on here and some funny and heart warming threads, its not all full of angst and LTB.

He also declared that mumsnet is "destroying his faith in human kind"

Dear Mr Pullupaglass, I've been on MN for about 5 years.
In the last year alone there's been a massive thread that ran for a couple of years, supporting someone dying of terminal cancer. The sheer goodwill, humour, 24 hour replies, was so touching, bearing in mind most posters had never met this lady.

This week a poster whose newborn had been taken into special care started a thread. Hearing that many other MNers had been in similar situations and come out with healthy babies, along with support and advice, hopefully really helped at a time of incredibly worry and stress.

On a lighter note, there are threads for people following particular hobbies, TV programmes etc. I've been given advice about hobbies, where to buy certain things, how to use them. I even had a few MNers talking me through putting together a particularly troublesome Ikea flatpack :)

You might well find threads where people comment on a partners behaviour. Usually because the behaviour is either unpleasant, controlling, disrespectful etc. Sometimes when you are in a relationship, you have no idea what constitutes abuse, disrespect or unfairness. It can be very helpful to get input into what other people experience. You would be missing a lot (as well as the point of the site) if you wrote this whole site - covering everything from DIY, child development and parenthood,health, style, TV, books, chat, sport, food, pets, finance - as a man hating bitchfest.

restless I am happy you are in a good and secure relationship.
You say "and would never let anyone control or abuse me". It is really not as simple as that. Really.

"Mumsnet can easily destroy your faith in womenkind if you let it."

Yes, I agree. Such a depressing number of compliant, enabling cool girls and handmaidens...............

Fortunately there are also plenty of strong, independent, inspiring women if you look for them.

How long have you been with him OP?

And how long has he exhibited the behaviour of an abuser?

Tell him you agree with some of his points....say you like to pick and choose what to read/believe/think etc.

For me, mumsnet has helped me through tricky situations and lonely times when my DH has been working away for long periods. I take it at face value and try to behave to other mumsnettters as I would to people IRL.

It's helped me in my relationships with my kids, DH and wider family. It's helped me work out SEN stuff I would never have known about and medical issues I would never have thought of or known about if it wasn't for mumsnet. Over the years, I've also helped many people on mumsnet, some a little and some a lot and I'm glad I could give a little info or listen online to their problems and in way some he,led them.

In every situation, there will always be people who aren't nice and who are detrimental to our emotional wellbeing and obviously that goes for mumsnet too however, I think your DH is BU to think you shouldn't use it at all.

For me, mumsnet is always there if I need it.......and you can't always meet up for coffee with a friend at 2am when you're not sleeping over a worry.

Mumsnet is vast it contains multitudes
Good bad and indifferent
Something for everyone

I'd like to know what he thinks of the red pill on Reddit... or Reddit as a whole

There are some posters who identify as married who seem to live on this site and I do wonder what state their relationship is in given the sheer volume of their posting.

I am pretty sure that if the OPs partner searched the Internet he d find like minded chaps to chat with. I am not sure if the Taliban have an online presence, but I guess he could try a chat line in Saudi. Unfortunately the Amish don't go in for modern technology , too busy repressing their women I suppose.

Get your ducks in a row then LTB

PullUpAGlass does he like your friends, of has he isolated you from them?
What about pets, or kids? do you have any other relationships?

PanGalaticGargleBlaster

How is it any different from spending your time writing, reading, gardening, mucking out and riding your horse? Not everyone needs to live in the pocket of their OH.

As it happens I am with my DH right now. He is driving, I am posting. We are chatting intermittently. I can talk and type, too.

PanGalactic Well that works both ways. There are loads of men who spend a huge volume of their time watching, say, sport on TV. That seems to be "allowed."

LTB LTB LTB LTB LTB!!

What a dickhead

mrpullupaglass if you're reading this you sir are a controlling, mysogenistic arse, in short a prize twat. The thought of you sitting with a cats bum face while your dw is on Mumsnet made me chuckle.You obviously hate women. Do your dw one last service and leave.
pullupaglass if the above doesn't work just LTB.

Get rid op.

What an immature outdated cockwomble that thinks he's more important than you

L T B

Waves to op's dh :)

He'll get over it op, if not you can always get over him.

viques

He is BU - you know he is.

Everyone who uses this site knows that the greatest asset it has is the vast amounts of different experiences and opinions it holds. Yes, this sometimes means some comments are sexist against men - but for every one of those, there are usually 10 more pointing out the equality.
Mumsnet is a supportive site - under various user names, I've got support on family relationship issues, fertility issues, workplace situations and diet advice.
The only reason he doesn't want you on here is to stop you getting support - it's stage 1 of isolating you.

PS DH also doesn't like the site, mostly because he doesn't believe its as anonymous as he would like it to be. He hasn't stopped me using it but did ask me not to write about him which I think is fair.

"Once a year we go to an event where he smokes cannabis and take Es - last year he was doing small amounts of Coke. I've asked him to stop doing that but all I get is "it's once a year - that's not comparable to the hours you spend on mumsnet" and maybe it isn't but it's all relative isn't it."

Well there's one glaring difference here - Mumsnet isn't illegal.

Get your ducks in a row then LTB
Aka
DIAR and LTB
(Not forgetting to KYPD)

thatdearoctopus

Of course it works both ways. I'm not suggesting that watching tv/sitting in the pub/on the golf course/playing computer games all day is a good thing either.

I just sometimes find it ironic that some posters who seem to spend every waking hour on here are happy to pass judgement or criticise other peoples relationships when maybe their own relationships are being neglected by the sheer amount of time they spend on here.

He's a controlling twat and he knows that we know that