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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH doesn't want me using mumsnet anymore.

249 replies

PullUpAGlass · 29/05/2017 08:40

And he might read this since he's said he's going to trawl through the forum to prove that it's a terrible place.

All started last night when I made a joke to DH about LTB. He asked what that meant so I told him. This started an all night argument about how he hates mumsnet, thinks it's dangerous for relationships, thinks it's a forum full of man-hating and stories about blokes with their nobs out, it's a site which is degrading to men and offensive for women to use. He went on to say that it's not normal for women to obsess over a forum where everyone hangs out their dirty laundry and he wouldn't mind if I did the "normal woman thing of complaining to friends over a coffee" Hmm but mumsnet is beyond that, he hates it and does not want me using it anymore.

He also declared that mumsnet is "destroying his faith in human kind" and that he thinks he hates women.

I personally think he's being sexist, controlling and constantly gunning for a row.

So AIBU? Sick of the constant arguining (not just over mumsnet but about everything, it's constant, there is always "something")

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 29/05/2017 08:52

So he's been looking for an excuse to 'legitimise' his hatred of women and thinks he's found it - in a site that is incredibly supportive to vulnerable and struggling women, useful to parents, entertaining, full of a lot of nonsense too and, not always (though often, actually) complementary to men.

Well, congratulations on your thorough research Mr vain, controlling tosspot. Funny how you ignored all the good stuff - you know, the stuff that's helpful to women, the stuff that's not about you.

AlternativeTentacle · 29/05/2017 08:53

Perhaps blokes should keep their knobs in.

I say he has reinforced the very reason for this forum's existence. Is he usually a complete wanker OP?

MooPointCowsOpinion · 29/05/2017 08:53

Pullupaglass 's husband, mate, grow some tits.
LTB, he's too insecure, how are you ever going to shag him again when he's such a whiny baby!

YouTheCat · 29/05/2017 08:53

My ex didn't like me posting on a parenting forum (now defunct) either. He'd complain about them giving me ideas.

They did give me ideas. They gave me the idea that his attitude just wasn't normal and that his 'right' to go out drinking constantly was wrong.

It took many years but I did eventually ltb and have never been happier.

ApocalypseNowt · 29/05/2017 08:53

I've been on MN for nearly 6 years and I haven't seen many stories about blokes with their knobs out at all. Angry

Is there a separate section or something? I feel like I've been missing out.....

More seriously OP your bloke sounds like an MRA. Urgh. Bin him.

ClopySow · 29/05/2017 08:54

Do you have kids?

RitaMills · 29/05/2017 08:54

He sounds absolutely repulsive OP, here is my very first LTB.

NigellasGuest · 29/05/2017 08:55

Why did he feel like a mug watching something on TV without you watching it? That's a bit odd. DH and i are often in the same room with the TV on - we don't insist each other do nothing else whilst it's on?

Chloe84 · 29/05/2017 08:55

Also sounds like he hates you suggesting something to watch on TV and having friends.

Does he have any good points?

IntheBenefitTrap · 29/05/2017 08:55

I would have given him a biscuit.

chickenowner · 29/05/2017 08:55

Just to give you a different perspective...

I told my DP about 'LTB' and how it's sometimes used in a jokey way, and he thought it was funny!!

NotYoda · 29/05/2017 08:56

Many women in here have had their eyes opened about their husbands and partners. It can be uncomfortable.

Have a read of this. Even if you only read the first post

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/698029-Right-listen-up-everybody

lottiegarbanzo · 29/05/2017 08:56

And of course, if you think you (he) recognise yourself in unkind, teasing and critical comments on here, well you have to ask yourself why those are the men you identify with, not the excellent DHs and DPs so often referred to fondly and with loving humour on here.

Birdsgottaf1y · 29/05/2017 08:56

If you use a site like MN, you are no longer isolated, controlling men don't like that and it goes against their plans.

The constant arguing will be to break you down.

As someone who was in an abusive relationship, I'd say get out now, it isn't going to get any better.

sonjadog · 29/05/2017 08:57

I'd say that this isn't really about MN at all. It's a symptom of something else that is going on between you that he is not happy about.

bruffian · 29/05/2017 08:57

Mumsnet is an awful time sink. Maybe he's just had enough of you being on it a lot and wants you to meet some RL people.

Squeegle · 29/05/2017 08:58

He sounds awful actually, not caring about your feelings at all. Are you happy with him? Or are you walking on eggshells the whole time? He sounds like my ex, he used to take it as a personal insult if I fell asleep watching a film with him (I was always falling asleep so he was insulted a lot!)

Original poster
PullUpAGlass · 29/05/2017 08:58

In the past I have read threads out to him and that are either funny "t-Rex in a supermarket" or outrageous "husband is having an affair with my mum, should I LTB" etc - I tried telling him last night that the threads he's on about are drops in the ocean of what is essentially a great support network and debating forum but he doesn't want to listen.

He even made me put AIBU on so he could "prove" that the majority of threads are man hating and shit stirring. I did, and he struggled to find anything to back up his statement since the majority of posts are about kids, neighbours or politics (as i had said beforehand!)

OP posts:
Ceto · 29/05/2017 08:58

If he really wants to know what MN is like, he should look on forums like the special needs one or the threads supporting people in relation to adoption, bereavement, serious illness, dealing with newborns etc etc. But I bet he will keep away from anything like that as he is only looking for posts that validate his opinions.

FannyWisdom · 29/05/2017 08:58

I imagine the knob out is in reference to the legendary...

Terry Wogans Knob.

Anyone would feel inadequate after that.

Shelby2010 · 29/05/2017 08:59

Hopefully it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy & in a few weeks time he'll be telling his mates about how you left him because of Mumsnet.

ps have also been missing the men with their knobs out!

ChocChocPorridge · 29/05/2017 09:00

Gracious. If he wants to have his faith in human kind destroyed, he should see what the predominately male forums talk about, or spend any amount of time on Reddit...

Mumsnet, not so much.

Men do seem to get their knickers in a twist over women talking about them don't they.

Saracen · 29/05/2017 09:00

I was all ready to encourage you to educate him more about the benefits of MN. But then in last line of your OP you said that the two of you are arguing constantly over everything and that you're sick of it.

It seems that the issues are much greater than whether he understands what you're getting out of a particular internet forum and whether it's a healthy way for you to spend your time.

What are his good points? Do you want to work on your relationship, or is it time to think about finishing it?

PaulDacresFeministConscience · 29/05/2017 09:00

He sounds like a dick. And if he is reading this - hi dickhead, try being nicer to your wife!

You sound unhappy and worn out. Relationships are supposed to make you happy and content. If it's not doing either then bin him.

NotYoda · 29/05/2017 09:00

Having said all of the above about your DH, which I stand by

AIBU is not the place to hang out to feel good. It's about 70% trolls now